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Need Advice coming out to my mother

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Birdwatcher, Oct 26, 2014.

  1. Birdwatcher

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    Hello, I'm new to this site. I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on coming out to my mother. Here's my situation:

    I still live at home for the time being until I can save up to get a car/my own place. My mother is kind of religious but she hasn't gone to church in a long time. She most likely knows I'm gay, because I was a very gay child, lol. I liked playing with Barbies and wearing my mother's bathrobe pretending that I was a queen. I even wrote a little story where I was the queen, and I remember showing my mother it. When I was 8 (I think), I actually told her that I had a crush on another boy. She was upset and told me to not tell anyone that "you don't say that kind of stuff". When I reached puberty, I realized I was gay, but went into denial thinking that I was maybe bisexual, so no more incidents like what I ave just mentioned happened. Fast forward to the present. I came out to myself two years ago.

    She knows that I read stuff about LGBT topics and has seen my gay books. The people in my college's GSA agree that she has to know. She has reacted neutrally to when I mention gay stuff around her, and our advisor has said that she probably will be like, "I don't agree with that" but that he thinks she won't blow up. One girl has told me not to just blurt out I'm gay to her, but to start a conversation to lead up to it. Problem is, I have no clue how to start one, I was hoping so bad that I could just say to her, "I'm gay". I really would appreciate any advice on how to start a conversation. Thank you.
     
  2. Rainbows~Exist

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    Pretty much what I'd recommend. From what I've read I don't think your mother will be at all surprised if you tell her you're gay. Just sit her down and tell her. If you're ready then go ahead.
     
  3. Azrael

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    Maybe something like.... oh Mum... yeah I need help... so basically there's this girl in my workplace, apparently she's been asking her out... I've declined 3-4 times... how do I tell her that I don't like her because I'm gay, I don't really want her to know... but I want her to stop... It could works, mothers like to be involved in the emotional wellbeing off their children.

    Or you could talk about the Pope and his Synod, and how he tied to introduce a religious rules accepting gays into the catholic community. Maybe go from there...?

    Good luck mate.
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    Based on what you said, not sure you should be overly concerned, and in fact, I think she is just waiting for you to tell her. As Dr Rorschach suggests, just pull the band aid off and tell her straight up. Then give her a hug.
     
  5. Yossarian

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    "Mom, as you have probably already have figured out, I am gay, so it shouldn't really be a surprise that I am telling you officially, but I want you to know that I need to be honest and open about it with you, so it will not be awkward when we need to talk about my boyfriends or other things that are normal for a gay man to talk about. I am the same son that I have always been, and this changes nothing but how comfortable I need to be about being honest with you and having you accept me for what I have always been and cannot change, because I was born this way."
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    Don't just blurt out "I'm gay" but don't indulge in a really long preamble either. If you take ages building up to it the emotion can well up inside and make it all the more difficult. You could even talk yourself out of it.

    Something like this should do: "Mom, I have something to tell you. It's been on my mind for a long time and you've probably already guessed anyway, but I'm gay".

    She might ask questions, so be prepared and think about how you will answer. Don't get stressed out if some of the questions seem weird or stupid (afterall, she's not gay); getting mad will give off the impression that you are not happy being gay and that may affect her reaction. Just answer any questions calmly and with confidence so she doesn't think it's a phase.

    It may take her some time to process her feelings and you need to be prepared for that. Even though you have left LGBT info lying around, you have not actually forewarned her in any meaningful way, so it may take time for her to adjust and settle with the idea that you are gay. When you tell her, have the details for PFLAG to hand. Contacting PFLAG may help your Mom to work through her feelings.

    Good luck with everything.
     
  7. lb41974

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    I am thinking the same that deep down she knows already , I am wondering if she feels like it is some how her fault even tho it is not you are who you are and I wish you all the best of luck .