So, for those of you who had read my thread about coming out to Mike, and "My first week as a homosexual", you know who he is. In that I had feelings for him. Well, on a drunken saturday, we had a little conversation... Alone. I was drunk, he was sober because he had just arrived. It went something to effect of "I have feelings for you, and I know you don't have feelings for me." And I'm perfectly fine with him not, because you can't always have what you want. And no, I didn't make a move on him. In any case a couple days after that party he sent me a text message... The conversation went like this. Yes, I'm a freak and have a good memory. Mike: Heyy. Me: What's up? Mike: Not much, I just wanted to apologize for everything that's happened Me: What? Wait, what? Me: What's there to apologize about? Mike: I just know how it feels to really like someone and have them not like you back. And that's how it was with [insert fabricated name] but I feel like and I will admit that I tried to ignore you because honestly i got upset bec youre not the first person who has come out to me and then started to like me like my ex black friend told me. I was the only guy that he said he could see himself with and i went along with it and got myself in a bad situation and the same with this other kid and now i don't even talk to any of them and i just got upset and anxious when you told me b/c i don't want to do that again. Me: I really appreciate that you at least recognize what's going on here. youre a good person and believe me when i tell you i'd rather take your friendship over anything more than that undoubtedly. I wouldn't ever want anything to change our relationship right now if it meant potentially not being friends. that would hurt more than anything else. Mike: yeah but i feel like sometimes i just turn myself off when i get in situations like this and i'm usually not that kind of person When he says turn himself off, he means doesn't talk to them. More or less. So down to the core of my problem. I wholeheartedly mean what I said about wanting his friendship more than him. We'd had some conversations in real life and I said some things to the effect of "If you ever feel a situation like where you're distancing yourself from me, you need to not only make yourself aware of it and be cognizant, you need to let me know too." There's a give and take here because I'll fight tooth and nail to make this work at this point because I feel him slipping away... I F'ed up majorly. The conversations have become hollow and meaningless... I wish I could give more information but that's all I got right now. Maybe I'm just over-analyzing; grrrrrr idk. Any suggestions?
Yeah, step back. Stop forcing the issue. Take a step back, let him digest the information, let him get used to it, let him not see you for several days. Don't force contact. If you run into him, be friendly, but let him set the pace of the conversation. And let him come back to you once he's feeling more comfortable about the whole thing. Lex
I agree with Lex. Once he realises that it doesn't change anything between the two of you he will be cool. Just be the way you always have been, don't make an extra/different effort as that may give out the wrong signals. We are creatures of habit and like stability/constants, to use the line of a really bad cheesy song 'don't go changing..'
I agree with the others, you really should give him space and who knows maybe having some time away from him will help you to move on, I mean if you can't be with him.
