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Time to come out? help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JayC, Oct 1, 2008.

  1. JayC

    JayC Guest

    OK well i came out to all my friends in like May or April can't remember. I alwayys said that I would wait until I was in my dorm room in college to tell my mom. However, I now can't go to college til January and i am developing a relationship with a guy. I can't do much with him unless I tell my mom I am gay. Yesterday I asked her if i could go o a friend sparty and spend the night she said, "I know u are going to drink and that's fine just don't drive and PLEASE use protection if u have sex I DON'T want grandchildren anytime soon." I was like yeah well u not gonna get any from me but of course I didn't say that. I called a friend and her mom said that if my mom throws me out the house I could stay with them as long as I need to. It is killin me not tellin my mom about me. Do you all think i should or not?:help:
     
  2. Miles D

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    It's hard to say, because I don't really know much about your family dynamic, but I waited and regret it, because once you're at college you'll be living 100% out (correct?) and so it'll be like a double life-type thing, which blows. And so I'd say maybe tell her, especially since you're pursuing a relationship.

    :grin:
     
  3. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there! Do you have an idea of how your mom might react? Before you say something, maybe try to talk to her about homosexuality in a very casual way and see what she says. Try to bring something up that you heard, saw or read. Her reaction could give you an indication of how she receptive she would be. I would maybe hold off with a deeper relationship at this point. I do think that it is important that your family knows before you pursue a relationship with someone. I think one of the worst things that can happen is that she finds out about it before she knows about your sexual identity.

    That said in some ways you have something with which you could start the conversation. You could use for example your attraction to the guy to let your mom know about your feelings.

    The other questions that you have to ask yourself though are: am I ready to tell her? Am I ready for my mom to know? If you are having doubts, maybe it would be best to wait a bit until you are absolutely sure.

    Hope this helps a bit!
     
  4. JayC

    JayC Guest

    well she has told me that if i ever were gay she would NOT come to the wedding. But i have been praying about it and i mean everywhere i turn there are people coming out to their parents on TV or in real life so i think that it might just be time
     
  5. Vector

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    It sounds like it's something you definitely want to do, but you're just worried about the consequences that could result.

    Having that friend's place to stay at is a very good backup to have. Considering that you've asked your friend's mum about this I'm guessing that you have your doubts about how she'll take the news then?

    From the perspective that you've shared and the messages that I'm getting, here are a couple of things that you may want or need to think about:
    * Can I support myself? If I am kicked out, I'll have a place to stay, but what about costs for school / living / etc... Do I have a job? Can I live (almost) independantly?
    * How will her knowing affect me? How do I feel about keeping it from her? Is it eating away at me? How badly do I want her to know?
    * Does it really matter if she does or doesn't know? I may want to pursue a relationship, but does it matter who knows or doesn't know? How will people knowing / not knowing affect that relationship? (Being able to have bf over your house, how your friendship groups will react, etc.)
    * Will my mum take control of my life? Some people have their parents take away their rights to have people over or go to friends' houses, go to social outings, or do anything with anyone, effectively being grounded.

    And most importantly,
    * Will I be happy? Will telling her lead to a better / happier lifestyle overall for me, weather that means the weight off my shoulders for telling her, or being able to pursue a relationship with another guy?

    Please take with a grain of salt that these questions are very negatively-oriented, but agian, I'm suggesting questions based on the worst-case scenario because that seems to be what's worrying you the most judging by your posts.

    Good luck! (*hug*)
     
  6. JayC

    JayC Guest

    Well i just told her and she did the whole blank stare thing. Then she was like are you joking and I was like no I really am gay. I was calm the whole time and it was the weirdest thing i wasn't nervous at all and it seemed like it wasn't me who was speakin it was like someone was speaking through me saying all the right things. She said she still loved me but that I needed to give her some time to think about it and that i wait at least a lil while b4 i go with a guy. I think when she gets home for good we will talk more aboutit and that is what iam nervous about but i feel like the weight is off my shoulders and i recovering from everything right now. I guess the feeling can be like having a hangover but she said she wanted me to still stay home and she is still leting me go to the movies Friday and to Grace's saturday so hopefuly all of this will be for the best. Thank you all for your advice
     
  7. ^^

    Well Done. We're all really proud of you, as you should be yourself. I hope everything turns out the best it possibly can for you.

    (*hug*)
     
  8. Swamp56

    Swamp56 Guest

    Awesome mate! Congrats :grin:

    (&&&)
     
  9. Nodnarb

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    Congrats!
     
  10. Grof142007

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    COngrats XD