I am planning on coming out to my entire family at my birthday in a few weeks. I feel confident that most of my family will take it well. I am scared though my father wont. We had a very bad relationship for most of my life but he has recently begun to apologize for the past and repair the relationship. My fear is that my coming out might set back all the progress we had made. I feel our current relationship is very fragile. What is the best way to deal with this?
Can you provide a little more color on what you think the foundation for the disagreements were between each of you and why he is looking make amens now?
He would be almost verbally abusive to me when I was a child. He always used "fag" to describe me when I was young like (10/11). I felt I was never was up his standards and never could be. He was a college athlete and I never ever was into sports, and all my attempts to be ended in failure. Also education is very important to him and I ended up dropping out of graduate school for a great job opportunity (which BTW I do now regret), which he always reminds me of. For many years (throughout my teens into my late 20s) we never talked. He never wanted anything to do with me and distanced himself completely from me. He's begun to try to repair the relationship after he had a few health scares and is starting to realize he was a bad father and wants forgiveness. He's also getting more involved in his religion. We now have breakfast every Saturday morning and have actual conversations. I haven't been able to gauge his views on gays, but in the recent past it wasn't very good. I am not at that place yet to be able to completely forgive him, but I'm getting there.
I am not so sure it will materially set back your relationship if he has gone out of his way to try and fix things, and you see positive steps in that direction. To be open with him, and everyone else, might be exactly what the two of you need to continue the process. I am suggesting this simply because of my own personal experience with my father where we had been quite distance from each other for many many years. For some reason, after I came out, our relationship materially improved and we have bonded like we never have before. I now wonder, if maybe part of the problem between us was driven by my own insecurities and perceptions.
Hi I totally agree with USxUK. I also had very similar experiences with my father and as USxUK I also have had a far better relationship with him since coming out. Good luck
geoworld24, I am not sure what to tell you to do , if it was me I would think about maybe getting him alone and telling him that way he does not have everyone watching for his reaction . This may not be good advise it is only my opinion and I hope it all turns out great !! so good luck my friend
