Hello, My name is Paige and I am new to this site... I just started it today. I'm sorry if I offend anybody... I just have nowhere to go and I am very freaked out. . I have been in a relationship with a man for one year now, my attraction to women has been growing stronger for the past 6 years. I have kissed other women and enjoyed it. I have been fantasizing about supportive and loving relationships with other women more and more. Not just the sex, but also the loving and happy relationship aspect. Especially within these past 3 years. I'm 19 now, the feelings only grow stronger. I find myself having more crushes on the same sex and dreaming about them way more than I originally did. I love my boyfriend dearly, so I can't help but feel weird and even guilty for feeling this way. I don't judge others at all, but the people around me have always told me that bisexuals do not exist. Regardless of all the stories of people explaining the existence, it still confuses me because for all my life I have been told that they do not exist. It isn't fair to assume that. And I am not saying that they do not, it just makes it harder for me because it is weird to think that I may be attracted to both. Like part of my brain is telling me whenever I feel these feelings that I am being stupid. That those feelings aren't real. But then they resurface with full force and even stronger. I don't like the label bisexual because of all the hate that comes with it. I don't like all the social stigma. I don't like the attention that word draws. I feel trapped . I feel like I don't even know what I am anymore. I feel like my mind and my heart are fighting against each other constantly and I am very exhausted. I just want to be at peace. I need somebody to talk to that can relate.... I don't want to leave my amazing boyfriend, hes a great guy. I just want a friend to talk to that can maybe help me figure out how to put my mind at ease. Because as far as I know.. I don't think the attraction is going to stay away. And I don't want to hide it anymore. I don't flaunt my feelings, so this is very nerve racking. Thank you for reading if you did, and I am sorry if this offended anybody.
Hi Paige!, welcome I think people are not very familiar with bisexuality. Many people barely know a gay/lesbian person, let alone someone transgendered or bisexual. For many, things are just easier when they are black or white. When they fit nearly inside a category. And for a lot of people, that means you either like the same sex or the opposite. Not both. There is nothing wrong with with having feelings for the same sex, or both sexes. It is natural, and it does exist. For some people bisexuality is used as a stepping stone before fully coming out as gay or lesbian, and that's where some people's non belief stems from, but I feel that more and more bisexuality is being accepted on its own merits. You might also consider the term pansexual, which is having sexual attraction to people regardless of gender. Labels suck. Live life the way you want to live, in a way that's authentic to you. Forget those categories society wants to bind you to. If you feel like you like men and women, and that makes you comfortable, then that's a good thing, to be celebrated not hidden. Are you in college? You might look up the campus lgbt group if they have one, to find others like you, or another local lgbt group if you're not. I wish you the best!
Hi Paige First off, welcome to EC!!! Trust me you've joined an awesome community that will be there for you to help you trough all of this so you've taken a step in the right direction. Secondly, no need to apologise, you haven't offended anyone, how could you, we are all in the very same boat. I'm a guy, and like you also attracted to both sexes which drove me abseloutly bananas. I always had the opinion that it would have been easier to be either completely straight or complete gay as in my own life I'm not a huge fan of grey areas.... Things are either black or white, right or wrong... Ironic that I'd be stuck right smack in the middle of a grey area which confused the hell out of me. Know this, it's something that is a part of you that you can't change and will need to accept... If you are born with blue eyes you have blue eyes and likewise if you're bi, you're bi irrespective of how much you'd like to be straight or how much you'd like to be gay... You don't get to make that decision. What you do get to decide is what kind of person you are... You have a choice in things like whether you're monogamous or not, whether you tell people about your sexual orientation or not and whether you want to label yourself as bi-sexual or not. For me, I'm not much of a label guy and don't identify with bisexual or gay for that matter. As you've mentioned, the term bi-sexual does come with a whole bunch of preconceptions that people have and I'm not willing to own up to any of them because I am not any of them. For instance, generally a lot of people think bisexuals are promiscuous, can't be in monogamous relationships, can't be trusted, can't make up their minds, are really gay and just in denial etc.etc. etc.... Of course none of that is true, at least not one of those things are true for me... I am conservative, monogamous, trustworthy and really not confused as to what I am. So the term bi-sexual is something that I don't brand myself with. If someone asks me what I am I say that I'm sexual. That really gets blank stares from them and then they usually want to know what I mean by that and then I tell them that I'm attracted to people's personalities, not their sex and for me it's about being with a soul mate. That somehow gives them a much more solid answer that sums me up, but that's me, each one of us needs to identify what we ourselves want out of life... There's no right or wrong answers here. I am so much more than my sexuality and the same goes for you, you are dynamic with core values which you need to embrace and identify with. If you find your soul mate, that's it, that's whom your ment to be with, irrespective of whether it's a he, a she or anything in between. Don't beat yourself up about it, you can make the choice to accept yourself and learn to love yourself for who and what you are... You're unique and special in every conceivable way, a true original art work and not a carbon copy or cheap imitation. Once you learn to love yourself you can love others. You already mentioned that you love your bf, that's awesome, that's great, be happy with that, you found someone. The fact that you are also attracted to girls shouldn't be an issue. Your BF is propably attracted to girls but he chose you and so if he is true to you, other girls should not be a feature in his life. Likewise you chose him, so other guys and girls should not be a feature for you. I hope this makes some sense to you.
1. Don't worry, you did not offend me. Its cool. 2. Even if there is a stigma, it doesn't mean that you should feel uncomfortable identifying as a certain label if it feels right. But you also do not need to label yourself, and you are striving to be even more yourself. Congratulations. 3. Don't feel guilty about desiring women when you love your boyfriend. People have desires for others when they are in loving relationships. Its just if you become involved with another person, regardless of gender, when you are with your boyfriend. Desiring after another is fine. 4. I feel these feelings all of the time. ALL THE TIME. You will be thinking about girls, and suddenly its girls girls girls all the time. You get comfortable with that idea, and you are happy. Then you see a boy and you see yourself kissing him in your head, and suddenly everything is confusing, and you start doubting yourself. You start thinking over every single thought in your head and you start worrying that you have been lying to yourself, that you are actually straight and you have been kidding yourself the whole time. Then you wake up the next morning and it is girls again, or a mixture. Sometimes its pretty equal. And those ebbs and flows are scary. I get it. It'll be cool. Its confusing, but hold on the the fact that you love your bf and he loves you.
I'm sorry I don't know if I am responding correctly, I'm new to this website haha. But I would just like to say thank you guys. I'm glad that people relate. It was nice reading people's responses who go through the same thing as me, to know that I am not insane. You have no idea how much more secure you have made me just by telling me you can relate. This has been very censored part of my life until right now, I feel like I have a bit more clarity about myself now. So thank you ^^ You all related in different ways. I feel like this is what I am. I guess I'm just scared to admit it to myself. But you guys seem happy with yourselves, and that makes me so very happy.
It does get better with time especially once you've learned to accept yourself. Hang in there, you've come to the right place to bounce your thoughts and ideas off of others that are and have experienced what you're going trough.
