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Coming out for the first time EVER. Should I write a letter or say it in person?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Niko Green, Nov 2, 2014.

  1. Niko Green

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    Sup everyone.

    So perhaps I should introduce myself since I skipped posting in the “welcome lounge.” So, my name is Niko (not my real name). I’m 22, male, and a senior in college. About 6 months ago I came out to myself that I am gay. (w00t!) (!)

    Upon coming out to myself this past March/April, I was flipping ecstatic. I wanted to go around campus and tell EVERYONE. Now obviously, that didn’t really happen because now it’s November and the only people who know are two school counsellors. :eusa_doh:

    I was thinking of coming out to one of my closest friends who I share 3 out of my 4 classes with. I know she is very accepting of queer folks since she did a research project this past summer on creating inclusive classrooms for LGBTQ teens. Plus, we go to a liberal arts school in Minnesota, so the majority of people here are open-minded. I’m not really concerned about being discriminated against here. :slight_smile:

    One thing I am a bit concerned about though is coming out when finals are just around the corner – mostly because I don’t really want to stress myself or my friends out when there are so many other things going on. However, from what I’ve learned from the past 6 months is that there will never be a “right time” for me to do it. At this point I just need to get it off my chest because this feeling of angst keeps building up and has been negatively affecting other parts of my life. A lot of my friends have noticed this too and have verbalized they feel worried for me, although I’m not sure if they know the reason for my change in behavior. :frowning2:

    While I know coming out to someone’s face is generally the most recommended since you get to see that person’s reaction, right now I think I feel more comfortable writing her a letter, being an English/Education major and everything. Obviously I’m still a bit unsure though as I am posting here. What are your experiences with this? All I know is that I need to come out ASAP. :help:
     
  2. mbanema

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    If you're more comfortable writing a letter, do that. The only important thing is that you do it so whatever you have to do to make that happen is absolutely fine.

    In many ways I think writing a letter is the way to go. Coming out can be an extremely emotional experience and you may not have the focus to say exactly what you would have liked. If you put it in writing, you can take all the time you need and get across exactly what you want to say. This approach also gives the recipient the chance to process everything and consider how they want to respond rather than potentially damage your relationship with a negative immediate reaction.

    Either way, good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  3. bi2me

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    I think you can do either a letter or in person. Some people have also suggested making a video you can use multiple times and share with people as you want them to know.

    Good luck!
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    Whether a letter or in person, it should be whatever your comfortable with based on the relationship you have with the other person. There is no right or wrong answer.

    As you also already said, there never is a good time, final exams or not.

    Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
     
    #4 OnTheHighway, Nov 2, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2014
  5. StephenB

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    You could always do the letter, but give it to her in person. That way you have the chance to write it just how you want it, then give it to her while you're at lunch or something. Tell her you'd discuss it after she reads it. That takes the pressure off of having to talk the whole time.

    But as others have said, however you feel is best! As far as other friends, I don't think it's a bad time. It's college, you're always busy. But you only have so much time left there, so if they're important to you, and you want them to know, might as well get on with it :slight_smile: .

    You should be fine, most colleges are amazing when it comes to coming out. I've been out at 3 colleges and have never had any issues (2 that I went to, and one that my ex went to, and I lived there for 2 years).
     
  6. Andrew99

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    Whatever you're more comfortable with :slight_smile: so far I've done all mine in text.