Last Tuesday I met a guy at my youth group who was really nice and sweet. I gave him a ride home and we exchanged phone numbers. We hung out Saturday and I really got to like him and I told him how I felt and he said the same. When we were hanging out he mentioned my exes name in passing conversation. Because my last relationship didn't end bad on his end I decided to ask him if he knew this new guy. I message my ex telling him about how me and the other guy met and how we both really liked each other and I just wondered how they knew each other. Several hours later I get a text message that said "LEAVE ME ALONE!". I was totally thrown off by this our relationship had ended a little rocky but for the most part I thought we were at least on semi good terms. I ask him why he was so pissed. He tells me that he is pissed off because he thought I still liked him and that I was now liking his best friend. I then get a message from the guy that I like and he tells me he really likes me but he couldn't go out with me. :icon_sad: I was upset and was about to go to bed when I get a phone call from him. I answer it and then his voice comes on the line, but then so does my ex's (apparently a 3 way call) We then started talking trying to be civil and work out exactly what was going on. Interestingly enough all the while we were trying to keep a civil conversation we avoided the true topic we all wanted to talk about. During the phone conversation the real conversation was relayed between texts to keep it secret from the 3rd person on the line. For example my ex was telling me that if we go out he is going to stop being friends with both of us, and me and the guy I like were talking about how we still like each other and how we could possibly go out without my ex losing it and him not losing his best friend. And no doubt my ex was making up lies about me trying to convince him not to go out with me. It soon became obvious that my ex had feelings for this guy but they were never returned and he is mad at me for in his eyes stealing him away, and the simple fact that I am an ex of his definitely doesn't help. The next day me and the guy decided we should go out and my ex will have to deal with it. He made me promise to let him deal with my ex since they are good friends and he will probably listen to him over me. A promise I will be more than glad to keep, but no matter what I do I will have to deal with my ex. I just thought I was done with him. God this is stressful. :bang:
Things are never simple when exs are involved, there is too much history and too much left over emotions for the situation to be healthy. The mistake you made was to contact your ex over a potential new b/f. This is nothing to do with him and in a way you just turned the knife in the wound. By threatening to no longer be your friend you ex is using emotional blackmail, never a good thing to give into. I think if you really like this guy and he likes you then go out and see where it leads to but don't involve your ex in your love life, it is none of his business and just stirs up bad feeling especially as this new guy is a friend of your ex. Here I'm going to be really harsh but it has to be said. You made this situation with your ex. You need to ask yourself why you contacted your ex, was it really to find out about this new guy or was there a part of you that wanted your ex to know that you had moved on and had a new guy in view. You need to look at your motives and think before taking action on the consequences it might have on the people around you. Had you just gone out with this guy, had a nice time you wouldn't be in this situation now. Sorry to be so harsh but sometimes we do things without thinking and it causes all sorts of problems later which could easily have been avoided.
Well I know full well it was my own dumb ass that got myself into this mess. The honest truth as to why I even talked to my ex was that I heard they were friends and my ex was actually going to set us up (or that is what he told me anyway). He never got around to it so I figured he wouldn't have a problem with me telling him about it and because I thought of him as a friend I thought that he would be able to give me the plain and simple truth about this new guy. And it was very important to find out as much as I could about this new guy because I was worried he would turn out to be a person who only ever cares about sex like my ex. I severely misjudged my ex by not realizing that he actually likes this guy as well and would threaten to emotionally hurt him if I tried to get together with him. We have decided to go out anyway and not give into my ex's threats. And don't worry about coming across as harsh I don't mind it I would prefer you be blunt and harsh than lie and try to protect my personal feelings.
:lol:Yeah thats me, tell it as I see it. Some people don't like that though but it doesn't stop me! Just go out with this guy, have a nice time and see where it leads. If you are worried it is just about sex then talk to him, of course if it is just for sex he is not going to say so but if you take things slowly, give time for your emotions to kick in and not just your hormones you will see if his words are backed up by his actions. Forget your ex, he is bad news and quite immature from the sound of it.
I agree with Louise. But ultimately, if you're trying to prevent people from being hurt, deciet never works in the long run. Take it as it comes, set your priorities and figure out what you want from who; then decide what you should do if it's worth it.
