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Boyfriend issues (again..)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Janvier, Oct 2, 2008.

  1. Janvier

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    Ok, so I'm not really sure what to do here.
    Yesterday I got a text from my boyfriend saying that he was going to see James Blunt live in Paris. I wasn't to happy about that mainly because he didn't even tell me before yesterday, so I couldn't come. We've know each other for almost 2 months, he said he reserved the tickets before we even met but that's still not a reason not to tell me. He said he 'forgot'... Right, so he forgot a concert ticket he reserved more than 2 months ago? Isn't that the kind of thing that you obssess over until the concert? I know I'm like that. How can he forget to tell me?
    I'm pretty sure he went there with his ex (they still live together...). I feel like an accessory in this 'relationship'. At this point, he's more of a fuck buddy than anything else...
    First he goes to the canaries for a week wityh his ex, now this? Ok, it's not the end of the world but still, where you're in a relationship, aren't you supposed to do things together?
    Since that text, I haven't replied and he still hasn't contacted me, he could have called to tell me how the show went, or text me last night. He seems to be getting more and more distant from me.
    I'm getting tired of him.

    Or am I the one being a bit too bitchy? I asked some of my friends what they thought about this and it was inconceivable for them to go to a show without their bf/gf or if their bf/gf went to a show alone without even talking about it beforehand, they would be pretty pissed.

    I know there certain parts of my lifestyle that my bf doesn't like and I've made a lot of efforts to please him and he still manages to make me uncomfortable.
    One of the things I hate is being dissapointed and he really dissapointed me, he's less stable than I thought he was and I can't deal with that.

    I know that we haven't been going out for very long but I guess I'm expecting more that what he's able to give me.

    I dunno, it's just these kind of things that get on my nerves, am I right to be annoyed about all this ?
     
  2. Leigh

    Leigh Guest

    well... i dont know your relationship history or anything but,
    if this was my man, id be pissed..

    he went on holiday with his ex? the concert thing i think he mighta been telling you the truth, cus if you have tickets for a long time the excitement wears off after a while, so he coulda forgot.
    but... i think youre right to be mad, i dont think youre being bitchy at all.
    sounds to me like your guy is doing nothing bt make you unhappy. you shouldnt have to change things about yourself to make him happy, especially if its a one way relationship.
     
  3. TriBi

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    Well - at the risk of sounding blunt (unsympathetic), it seems to me like his 'Ex' isn't - and you are (or getting very close to it).

    It sounds rather like he still is in a relationship with his 'Ex' - and you have been just a 'pleasant diversion on the side'.

    Colour me old, cynical, nasty - or just honest...but that's (unfortunately) how it sounds to me, going on the info you have provided...
     
  4. davo-man

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    Unfortunately, I have to kinda agree with TriBi...Personally, I think that gf/bfs should treat each other with the utmost respect, you know, up there in the respect stakes with parents and siblings...To me, it doesn't seem like he's being all that respectful of you and your relationship

    I mean, a week in the Canaries with his ex would be sending up red flags to me, and I just can't see that being something that someone in a committed relationship would do. I'm sorry, Janvier, but I think you can do much better than him. I think you can find someone who respects you and your relationship, and I'm not sure that this dude is that person :frowning2:

    Anyway, take what I say with a pinch of salt...I mean, I've never been in a relationship, so I'm still in the "relationships should be all happy :grin:" frame of mind, and also I may not have the whole story, so the situation may be completely different if I was in your shoes

    Good luck, and know that we're all here rooting for you :grin:
     
  5. Janvier

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    Thanks a lot guys :slight_smile:

    Leigh - You could be right about forgetting the tickets seeing as he bought them in march, but still weird that he didn't go with the person he loves
    TriBi - Thanks for your honesty, I'm not here to get pink fluffy wuvvy-duvvy words but honest advice.
    Love Muffin - I think your right, he isn't treating me the way I expect my partner should.

    He just sent me a text, 24 hours after the last one, saying he didn't think I'd get so upset, I told him I was dissapointed he didn't even think of going with his bf and that we're not really on the same 'wavelength' (our lives are very different) so he wants to come over tomorrow and sort things out. I think thats the best idea really. It could mean the end of our relationship before the end of the week, I know if it does end I'll be sad, but do I really want to keep dating him?
    Confusion...
     
  6. Starlight

    Starlight Guest

    Well thats what you'll have to work out tomorrow when you talk to him. If it does end don't disappear on us, we all love and care about you here on EC (*hug*)
     
  7. Janvier

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    Thanks Jay :slight_smile:
    + your 500th post goes to me :grin:

    This exactly us:
    [​IMG]
    (I'm the punk, he's the prince charming)
     
  8. Starlight

    Starlight Guest

    Yep I saved it for you :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Just remember to let us know how it goes :thumbsup:
     
  9. hideinyourshel

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    Hate to go against the flow here, but don't you think you could be overreacting? One of the most important things in a relationship is trust, and I know that's hard sometimes, but you have to trust him. If you're finding that hard, then speak to him about it and get some reassurance (let's hope it's reassurance!)

    My ex is still my best friend and we are utterly inseparable - I just hugged him goodnight for about 30 seconds, even though he has a boyfriend. His bf knows how close we are and he just has to accept it. I'm just saying that he's allowed to be close to his ex - it's just another hurdle in your relationship you have to get over.

    However, reading this:
    I get the feeling that you're not very comfortable in your relationship. Maybe you should talk to him about this too. If you don't feel comfortable, it won't work. I know from experience. :frowning2:

    I really hope it does work out for you. Just be honest with him about what you feel and it should all sort itself out somehow, whether you're closer or you break up.

    Good luck!
     
  10. Gumtree

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    No use making assumptions, taking guesses and then even worse; acting on them.

    Before yiou start making judgements and accusations talk to him, ask him the questions you asked us. You might hear the news you're dreading or it might all be a misunderstanding.

    If you feel he is lieing to you, then do what you can to find out the truth.

    Either way, the sooner it comes out the better.
     
  11. Jim1454

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    You say you've been 'going out' with him for 2 months. How long have you actually known him? I'm assuming it's also 2 months.

    2 months isn't a long time. And neither of you should have hi expectations of the other. I'm wondering if you need to reset your own expectations of this guy.

    And communicate. If you're surprised that he hadn't told you, tell him that. If he tells you that he forgot, maybe that's the truth. How old is he? Does he work full time? I honestly forget things all the time - and then the reminder comes up on my calendar and it's like "Oh ya - I'm supposed to be going to the movies tomorrow with X, or I'm supposed to be at a meeting tomorrow morning at Y" If I bought tickets to a show ages ago, I wouldn't be obsessing about it.

    Also, our very own Paul went on vacation with his 'ex' recently - because they booked the trip together before they broke up. So you never know.

    Perhaps this guy isn't the right guy. So what do you have to lose by asking him some blunt questions and telling him your feelings?