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I want to come out to my best friend... But I'm terrified

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TJuice56, Nov 5, 2014.

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  1. TJuice56

    TJuice56 Guest

    Hi, I recently discovered this site and it couldn't have come at a better time. First I'll give a little back story I've known my best friend pretty much my entire life and about a year ago I moved out of state and of course that ment leaving all my friends behind. I've always kinda known I was gay in the back of my mind, but for years I either denied it, ignored it, or hid it. Then about a month ago I came to terms with it and accepted that I am gay. Even just saying it to myself immediately made me feel more at peace. And now I feel as though I want to come out to some of the people closest to me and I want to start with my best friend because throughout the years we've been there for each other through more than a few difficult times. Especially him for me. I can't even imagine a world where he might reject me because I'm gay, he's one of the most accepting people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, but I guess in some small way the doubt is still there. He's coming to visit soon and I was planning on doing it during his visit, but as my title indicates I'm terrified. So I guess I'm not so much seeking advice here but more or less encouragement. Thanks to anyone who listened to my story and wants to help me. I feel like I'm going insane.
     
    #1 TJuice56, Nov 5, 2014
  2. Celatus

    Celatus
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    This happened to me too! Don't worry you aren't alone, it took me a long time to come out to my best friend because I didn't want to freak him out. I know that feeling of dread. Once it's over though, usually you should feel better about it :slight_smile:
    It's great you found this site, welcome to the ec community!
     
    #2 Celatus, Nov 5, 2014
  3. bigcityboy

    bigcityboy
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    If you've known him all your life and you've already gone through hard times together, then he'll definitely be cool with you coming out to him. I know I was terrified to come out to my best friends, but I knew I had to because I couldn't hold it in. When you're ready to tell him, and he's in the room with you, just count to 100 and then tell him you've got something to say. Then just let those three words out. For some reason, this worked really well for me the first time I came out, even though I had to count to 100 twice. I guess it adds that final bit of pressure and push it takes to come out if you've got a timer in your head. Well, even if you don't use this method, good luck! It'll go great and your friendship with him will be so much closer because you broke that barrier between you and him.
     
    #3 bigcityboy, Nov 5, 2014
  4. ilovemylife

    ilovemylife
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    Well, first of all, Welcome! :slight_smile:

    The fact that you can comfortable say it to yourself is a huge step! I remember that it took the longest time for me even be able to come out to myself. In fact, the first few times I did come out to people, I couldn't even say the word "gay". But let me tell you from experience, that telling your friend may be frightening at first, but after its all said and done, you feel like ten weights were lifted off your shoulders. You get to finally be who you are around him. The first step is the hardest. I've gotten so much closer with the people I've told. Since you two are already pretty close, I definitely think that you will be fine. You got this!!

    Let us know how it goes!
     
    #4 ilovemylife, Nov 5, 2014
  5. One Man Army

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    The anticipation of coming out to a close friend is scary, TJuice56, but if you think he's probably going to react positively, then I think it's a win-win situation. I know from personal experience that hiding such an important part of your life from a close friend can damage the closeness of your friendship. If you trust him, do it. Go for it.

    A good friend will accept you even if it takes them some time to process what you've told them.

    Good luck, and please keep us updated :slight_smile:
     
    #5 One Man Army, Nov 5, 2014
  6. lb41974

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    Its ok you will do it when you are ready ! Don't try to rush things it will happen soon enough .
     
    #6 lb41974, Nov 5, 2014
  7. lb41974

    lb41974 Guest

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    Its ok you will do it when you are ready ! Don't try to rush things it will happen soon enough .
     
    #7 lb41974, Nov 5, 2014
  8. TJuice56

    TJuice56 Guest

    That's something I'll definitely be doing now. Thank you. Thank all of you. This has already been more support than I ever could have expected. He's not visiting for a few weeks so I have some time to build up my confidence and figure out how I'm going to break it to him. But again I could not be more thankful for all of your encouragement.

    ---------- Post added 5th Nov 2014 at 07:30 PM ----------

    Let's just hope I don't lose my mind between no and then haha
     
    #8 TJuice56, Nov 5, 2014
  9. David21201

    David21201
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    hey
    don't be scared if this is your best friend they should accept you ! and if youre scared write it down and then give it to them
     
    #9 David21201, Nov 5, 2014
  10. TJuice56

    TJuice56 Guest

    I've thought about doing that. But I think I'm saving that for my parents which is a whole different story for a whole other time haha
     
    #10 TJuice56, Nov 5, 2014
  11. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! Welcome to Empty Closets! :slight_smile:

    This is all you need to know, and remind yourself of, while you are 'readying' yourself for letting him know. So while you are getting ready, tell yourself, 'it's going to be alright.'

    If you would like, try the mirror routine a few times before speaking with him. Look into your eyes and say out loud "I want to come out to [name]," and try to gauge how you feel. If it doesn't feel entirely right, give it a couple of days and try it again, while reminding yourself of what your instincts are telling you about your friend.

    Before you speak with him, or try to come out to him, take a deep breath, and if it helps, try to be to the point as much as possible. Sometimes, the more we talk around what we actually want to say, the more nervous we become because we keep building up to it in our mind, without realizing that we are making it larger thing than it needs to be.

    Given what you have written, I'm sure it's going to be fine. :slight_smile:
     
    #11 Mirko, Nov 5, 2014
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