Would anyone be willing to proofread this coming out Facebook Post?

Sorry if i may seem a bit harsh in my response but... I feel that people will be discouraged about reading the whole post, due to it's length. It's the whole mentality of people on Facebook in general.

This can have somewhat severe repercussions on you, if too many people decide to simply skip out your post for the abovementioned reason, and not "like" it, you might find yourself questioning whether they didn't like it intentionally or if they just didn't read it.

You go on explaining things that even though, might be dear to you, are somewhat irrelevant to the situation. Stretching the whole post unnecessarily and diluting the factual information that you need to get across.

Also, near the end, you go on discussing your expectations of the possible reactions people might have, inadvertently showing disappointment before you've actually gotten a response to base your opinion on. People might not react negatively, why say that you expect them to?

Basically, it's a nice read, but not Facebook-worthy, which is not a bad thing, by any stretch of the imagination, because, Facebook is not a place where one can be true to himself and post away their feelings. Most people just don't care. It's just the way it works...

 

I think it's a really well written and a good way to do it. I really like it but I agree that it may be a bit long. However I think people who really care will read it and others will skim it and get the main message.
Also are you a need fighter? DFTBA(*hug*)

 

It's great! It is a bit long but it's perfect IMO. Good luck, wishing the best :]

 

I think it's great. As for the comments about being too lengthy, I think it's fine. I put mine on FB, and it was a tad lengthy, I'll admit. My thought? So what! I was putting this out there so all would know. I was doing this for me..not for them. I couldn't believe the positive responses I'd received.

 

In the interest of proofreading, you have a double-period in the second line, after the word "happiness," and I think you accidentally left out the word "if" in your second to last sentence (All I ask is that if you have some sort of problem...). Just letting you know that in case you planned to just copy/paste and that kind of thing would get on your nerves (I know it would mine). Other than that, this is very well-written.

One thing I might suggest, though, is moving your main point a little closer to the start of the post. As a journalist, I've learned that the first sentence or two is all that people usually read, and Facebook is about the same. If your main point is that you're gay, you've sort of got it buried deep in the middle of your post. We call that "burying your lead" in journalism, as the lead is the most important bits of information that you want people to see. So if you actually want people to see that fact, you might move it up. I'm not saying the post is too long; just that you might want to think about re-organizing it so that you get a TL;DR version at the top in case people don't read the whole thing.

Also, sorry if I'm coming off as a pretentious git. Editing is something I really enjoy, so I tend to go a little overboard sometimes.

 

Looks great to me.

One other grammar bit: "Not a single in of". Should "in" be "one"?

 

I think that considering SwimScotty's comments, everything else is perfect. I like the idea of the main point being closer to the top, and then having the other supporting information behind the main point. That way if they wish to keep reading they can, if they just want to hit like and continue with their life they can. Makes it easier to get the word out, in my opinion .

Good job!

 

I haven't read others' posts but I personally find it too long.

I understand how important it is to you ofc, but people's attention span on FB is extremely low. Not to mention all the talk about cats and allergies. I know you want to make it an interesting post, but you have to imagine the bored people slowly browsing their wall...

Also, I think the end, telling people to unfriend you if they don't like it etc. is not only unneccessary, but makes you seem still very insecure about all of this. Don't post things like that.

Keep it short to something like "Since I have ended highschool I've made a lot of steps to make myself completely happy and this is one of them. I am gay. All of the most important people in my life already know, but I want to be completely transparent with everybody."

Ofc write it in your own words and feel free to add more to the post if you feel like it, but put the point right into the beginning.

That's my personal advice.