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I had a surprise discussion with my parents…

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Nova713, Oct 3, 2008.

  1. Nova713

    Nova713 Guest

    My parents surprised me today with a little visit. I came out to them a couple weeks ago. See this thread for that story. I did not know they were here until my last break at work. So that only gave me an hour to mentally prepare myself for the oncoming conversation.

    After we ate dinner they brought up the gay issue. In short, they said they still love me and everything, but they do not accept it. My dad asked me to not tell anyone in the family as it would probably hurt them. They told me that if I were to come out to family it would not only alienate me, but them as well. Ok… I can kind of see that point. According to them, my family isn’t all that accepting.

    My mother showed me this book she bought. Apparently it frightened her. She thinks that I will loose my job and get AIDS. My mom also told me not to tell anyone at work because I might get fired. I assured her that my place of employment cannot fire someone based on sexuality. She said that if I told people, that the company I work for would try and find a reason to fire me. This would not happen. I know it wouldn’t. Isn’t it my choice if I want to tell people? I think yes.

    My both my parents think that I am confused. They think that I can’t be gay since I have never been with either a guy or a girl. I stressed to them that this is something that I have known for the better part of a decade. That being gay isn’t a choice just like being right or left handed isn’t a choice. They also brought up the whole dream wedding thing and all the friends that were girls I really liked. I told them that I was not only trying to fool others, but fooling myself as well. I didn’t get through to them.

    Then I pulled out the “How did you know you were straight before ever being with the opposite gender?” card. They both claimed they just knew. I told them that was exactly my point. They still didn’t get it. :bang:

    At the end of this conversation (yes it was a conversation, surprisingly there was no yelling) they said that they still love me. My mom said she had been to the PFLAG website and all over the internet. It still didn’t help her to understand. I think it was because she didn’t find the answers she wanted to hear. They still want me to come home often and for holidays and such, but warned me against bringing a guy home. My mom was starting to cry at the end. It’s funny; I guess I had a cocky tone in my voice throughout the entire conversation. I don’t think that helped much. They think that it is a choice and said that they hope I will eventually come around. They also think it is strange that my friends accept other gay people. (shrugs shoulders)

    Overall, my parents said they don’t accept the fact that I’m gay. I really don’t know what to make of the whole thing just yet. I still need to mull it over.
     
  2. Amy

    Amy
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    Re: I had a surprise discussion with my parents?

    wow. thats pretty messed. theyll come around soon enough.

    (*hug*)


    lccao
     
  3. RonApple

    RonApple Guest

    Congratz on telling them... I'm sure that they just need some time. At least u had a civilized conversation and they still love you :slight_smile:
     
  4. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    Well through all that I saw one thing..........your mother is searching for answers. That is good! She has not totally closed her mind to understanding you. Does your mom use the computer? If so you can PM me for my e-mail. I would be happy to talk with her if you think she might be willing.
     
  5. Gumtree

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    Hey Nova, this really doesn't sound that bad.

    Might be hard to see but things could turn around, your parents are actually trying and seem to only have your wellbeing at heart.

    Give them time and help, i'm absolutely certain this will work out.
     
  6. Mirko

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    Hi there! I think you should take Becky up on her offer. I agree that your mom is searching for answers. I think it is good that your mom went on the PFLAG website. Even though she might have read through the material with a preconceived notion about homosexuality, she might still have come across a number of things that might have given her some pause.

    It will take some time for your parents to come around to it and to accept it. Hopefully with time they will. Try continuing to talk with them about it.
     
  7. Nova713

    Nova713 Guest

    Thanks everyone for your support and advice. It really does make me feel better. :slight_smile: Yesterday, both my parents seemed very adamant about where they stood on the issue. I don't think they are going to budge anytime soon. And Becky, I will talk to my mom. Maybe talking one mother to another will help.
     
  8. No One

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    well i think that when you don't "come around" that they will finally realized that you really are gay. wow i hope my parents don't take it like that.
     
  9. Enaithor

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    Well at least they still love you.
    Personally if your family really is homophobic I don't think it is a great idea to tell them unless you like marry a guy or something in which case you probably should.
    But that's just what I think, it's your choice
     
  10. Corny

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    It's a good sign that they DO talk with you, without screaming and all that. And your mom DID try research on her own - another good sign. I hope that all they need is time, at least to me it seems so.
     
  11. Mickey

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    IMO- your last sentence says it all. That's what your parents are doing. Mulling it over.(your mom,anyway) Believe me,as time goes on,they'll have no reason not to accept you. It will just be... I came out at 16 and my mom did the"it's a phase" thing on me.
    Now I'm ...er...a lot older (lol!) and we now laugh over her phase assumption.I didn't keep bringing it up,I just let it be and eventually she "saw the light!" It'll be okay. They may never come to terms with it 100%,but they will come to terms with it. Good luck...I know it's hard right now. It won't always be this way. Time does change a lot. Hang in there!