Alright, as most of you know I went through this huge crush on a guy I thought was gay but was really straight all along. During this time, I talked with a girlfriend and the first person I came out to. One night she told me there was another guy in my situation and was actually kinda turned on, it sparked some hope that there's another person to relate. Well, it's the summer and so with my outta town friends I have MSN Messenger. I noticed I added this guy like me, Andrew, awhile back because like I said before we knew of each other through band and choir. So I decided hey, let's get to know him better and maybe something could happen... Well I started off by just saying he was on my MSN list and I just wanted to say hey and talk a bit. I chatted with him a few nights now and finally this night something happened. He started off by saying he had a realization and that he didnt want to alienate me. Instantly I thought he was gonna tell me he was bi and DID! I then said that coincidentally I was too and kinda knew about him, he didnt ask about that. But during our conversation I basically asked questions to him and he answered, never asking about me. Then he sends me pictures of guys hes into but tells me theyre straight, then tells me his type: blonde hair, blue eyes, *cute*, tall and skinny - all qualities I have...so I said good to know. He then instantly said gtg right after I said good to know, so I said its great having someone to talk to and gave him my phone number and said heres my number not that it really matters, he said lol thanks and then signed off without giving me his number. Was I too forward? Should I have given him my number? How come he didnt give me his number? Am I just completely misreading the signals and vibes he's giving me?
Hmm, I know the feeling.. Perhaps he was busy? I don't know your school's schedule, but are finals happening? He also may not want to give out his personal information over the Internet, which is understandable. I'd suggest not putting to much into it and still try talking with him. If he keeps showing no signs of interest, then it might be better to move on.. :-(
Too forward? I don't think so... maybe he was A) busy, B) tired, or C) maybe just a little scared, especially if that was his first time talking to another gay guy... I mean, if he's really closeted it might concern him that somebody else knew that he was bi (or more likely gay, if he's going through a "bi phase"). I wouldn't be so concerned that he didn't reciprocate and offer you his number. The next time he comes online, I'd just wait to see if he IMs you, and if he does, he probably wasn't actually freaked out (too much). And, if he calls, then you really know you didn't lay it on too thick (and you'll have his number through the marvelous virtue of Caller ID!) haha Anyway, good luck. :icon_smil -CK P.S. You sound adorable!
haha well thanks - I'm flattered! :redface: And thank you much for the advice, I guess I tend to be a little dramatic when it comes to stuff like that so thanks definitely for the reassurance! So then just a quick question, what if when I sign on he doesn't talk to me at all but if I talk to him first he talks?
If he responds, run with it! But then, if you're talking to him and he only responds with single word short answers, then he's probably not up to talking. Of course, if you want, there's no harm in asking him if he's uncomfortable, etc. If he says yes, well, then you know. But if not, maybe he's just not very outgoing? -CK P.S. You can always talk to me! :lol:
Maybe he was a bit unsure whether you really are who/what you said you are. There are people on the Internet who will want to take advantage of young gay/bi guys, so you need to be careful. Maybe he was applying that caution by not giving out his details too readily? I wouldn't worry too much about that. See if he comes back on MSN Messenger in the next few days and continue chatting to him if he does. Don't rush to get his details, and don't rush to give out yours either (you need to apply the same caution).
Just wait and see if he comes back online...if he does, then keep talkign to him for a while...maybe ask him if he wants a pic (if you're alright with that), but dont ask him for one and see what happens.
Well the thing with that is, is that he knows what I look like, we go to college together, just never hung out. We had met in high school at All-State Band and Honors Choir several times but didn't really associate as much as I wanted to. So thats kinda why I was wondering if I scared him off or if he's just not interested...
Bah. That's what I really don't get about some guys... even if he wasn't "interested" (like, in that way) would it kill him to just be friends, to just talk and stuff? I mean, I can understand if he's scared, but honestly, talking never did anybody any harm.
EXACTLY! Wow, you read my mind! I'm generally a very friendly person and tried to get to know him but maybe that'll happen after talking to him some more?
So I realized why he isnt very talkative: his job. He's some kind of computer techie so he does his work on his computer. I found out today when I was talking to him and he just wasnt very responsive so I told him "You're not very talkative..." and he said it was because he was finishing up some of his work so that kinda answered my question. But other times he wasnt responsive either and I know he wasnt working....darn! But its okay, because I've recently met someone way more talkative and relates to me so well, he's perfect!! (And I met him on the forum too!) He has great advice as everyone else does on and I could talk to him for hours! Thanks everyone for everything!
Ok... that's true... computer geeks are not so talkative... oh, wait a minute... i'm a computer geek... and I can't seem to shut up!. Anyways, yes, there are those times when you are just so focused on whatever you are doing that you just can't bare to waste time on frivolous things like human relations... sorry, but that's the truth.
Tell me about it...... I work in IT (someone has to I suppose) and there are certainly times when the laast thing you need is any human interaction! But then there's other times when any destraction is welcome! I'm really pleased you have made contact with someone more compatible though - congratulations!!
I finally got my little "computer geek" figured out! Well, one day work sucked and I was just pissy and he just yet again wasnt responsive whatsoever so I said maybe I'll just "talk" to you tomorrow and signed off. I was so upset over the day I emailed him saying if I was being too forward or too annoying just say so and I can back off but Im just trying to talk to you and get to know you since we have something related, thats all. He never replied back but the other night... He initialized a conversation saying he still wanted to be friends, apologizing to me saying he just isnt talkative sometimes but is feeling it now and so we talked for awhile about a lot of things. We exchanged recent pictures because we both had changed a little last time we saw each other and then he asked if I liked him and I said maybe and so I asked him and he said he doesnt know me enough yet to decide but there's hope. So hmm... But then I'm wondering if maybe Im attracted to him because hes the only other guy thats bi/gay that I know personally? Plus, there's another guy I'm REALLY into thats untouchable, sucky I know! So then could I be rebounding on my computer nerd cause I cant have the other?
Well maybe you are... so what? It's called "exploration" for a reason. Just keep the need not to hurt other people at the top of your list of priorities and you should do okay. The first guy I was involved with was one of only two gay guys I knew. It was a good idea at the time... ended up not being such a good situation (i.e. I had my heart broken) but you have to start somewhere, really.
