After battling myself with my sexuality for the longest time, I finally pushed through my self-doubt and accepted myself as bisexual. It's just that pretty much no one in my life knows. One of my friends knows because I came out to him when he came out to me and told me he was gay. So now we're closer. He's come out at school, but I am still in the closet and it's starting to become painful hiding myself from everyone. I don't know who to tell next. I feel mad at myself for being afraid to tell my family since my brother is out and most of my mom's siblings are out as well. So I have an open-minded family. And I feel bad about it because there are all these people who don't, and I feel that I shouldn't be afraid to tell my family. But I am. I'm worried that they will judge me for being bisexual (like they will think that I 'can't choose' or something) or that it will completely change the dynamics of the family. My aunt is bisexual, and while we are not incredibly close, I know that I can call and talk to her (she lives across the country and so I can't sit down with her in person). And then there are my really close friends, all of whom are pretty religious. I just don't want them to judge me either. Can anyone give me any advice? How should I tell them? In person? Through text/skype? What did you do?
Hello AnonymousLauren it is nice to meet you . It is ok to be scared this is a big deal and not something that you can just blurt out . You will come out when when you are ready I would not worry about you family it sounds like they will understand just be your self and you will do great !! So take a deep breath and relax it will all work out in the end . Have a good day !
I went through the same thing you're feeling now - that your family will be accepting but you can't bring yourself to tell them. It sounds like your family is already pretty open-minded already, though, so you probably don't have to worry about your family dynamic changing very much. I don't really know what to tell you, but I'll tell you how I came out and the pros and cons of each way. Maybe it'll help you come to a decision. In person, to a person or a few people I wasn't out to without someone I was out to with me, when the topic of queer people came up. Pros: Starting point in conversation, able to explain to avoid miscommunications Cons: Stressful In person, to a person or a few people I wasn't out to with someone I was out to with me, when the topic of queer people came up. Pros: Starting point in conversation, able to explain to avoid miscommunications, moral support from people I was already out to Cons: Still pretty stressful Through text when the topic of queer people came up. Pros: Starting point in conversation, didn't have to say it aloud, some ability to explain to avoid miscommunications Cons: Waiting for him to reply was stressful, possibility of miscommunication existed Leaving a note to be read while I was at school. Pros: Didn't have to say it aloud, some ability to explain to avoid miscommunications Cons: Waiting to find out the response was stressful and distracting, possibility of miscommunication existed Casual mention that has some ties to conversation in a public setting (classroom or lunchroom) once I was out at school Pros: Casual pretense, ability to explain to avoid miscommunications, other people around to prevent bad responses Cons: Hard to pull off if you're nervous, hard to find the right point in the conversation to mention it A person I was out to casually mentioning it to a person I wasn't out to once I was out at school Pros: Casual pretense, didn't have to say it aloud Cons: Miscommunication is definitely possible I hope that was helpful to you! Sorry for the long post. Best of luck!
It sounds like you already have a pretty gay family lol! This is a great thing because it means that they'll understand what it's like being LGBT. I don't think you should worry about your brother or your aunts or uncles judging you for being bisexual, they'll know how hard it is for you to come out because they all did it themselves and will accept you. Plus, they're your family and they shouldn't be judging you anyway. I think you should come out to your brother first. If anything, you're really lucky to have a gay brother (you said he was out so I'm going to assume he's gay) because that makes it so much easier. He will 100% definitely accept you because, how can a gay person be bigoted to other LGBT people? You're in a great situation with your family, and once you come out to one of them, that person can help you come out to the rest. Your friends, on the other hand, might be harder to come out to because you said they're very religious. Try to subtly find out their views on LGBT people and subjects by casually bringing up recent noteworthy LGBT events like the gay marriage ban stays and overturns in October and this month. Whichever one of them that seems most receptive to you coming out to them, and who you're close to, you should come out to them. I think you should also enlist the help of your gay best friend to help be there when you come out to other friends. His support will make the conversation smoother and he can help you explain your situation and who you are better than if you came out alone. I know that the first two friends and my brother who I came out to helped me by being there when I came out to two other friends later. I could see they were ready to defend me if I got a bad reaction, but they were really supportive anyway when it went well. I think face to face conversation is the best way to come out if possible because it's more personal and the person you're coming out to will see how emotional you are and how important the experience is to you. They'll probably appreciate it more, and understand better how hard it is for you. Otherwise, I think Skype or another form of video chatting would be good for long distance coming out conversations. Remember that every time you come out to someone, the next one gets easier. Good luck!
Come out to the person you think will be supportive to you. This often varies depending on your situation. Some find support from their family, whereas others prefer to tell friends because of the lack of positive LGBT beliefs within their household. As you gain more support from the people around you and distinguish who real friends are, you then gain the safety blanket to reach out to further people around you. Your Aunt seems like a good place to start, she's a member of the LGBT community so you know she wont be judgemental and can heavily sympathize with what you're going through. I'd recommend if anything to come out through the spoken word. It means a lot more when you say it from your own mouth and it gives you practice in being comfortable in saying it / acknowledging it. For the last part of your post, how did I go about it? Well, poorly. The first person I came out to was my best friend Kate (and by best I mean only but we can ignore that for now). One lunch-time around 5 years ago, I pulled her aside and began stuttering. I couldn't actually bring myself to say it so I had her play the guessing game and it just got really awkward. She did eventually guess correctly but it was a very 'Oof' experience for me. We've been great friends ever since and she always likes to bring this up and we have a good laugh about it now though. If you're going to take anything from this, it would be to really be confident in yourself. If you say what you want to say with meaning, not only will you be getting the point across, but it'll help build you slightly as a person.
I think its easier to come out to your aunt first. I feel she will be more supportive of you. Since you mentioned she is living far away, you can skype and tell her.
I just wanted to say I can relate -- I'm sure my family will be supportive, too, and yet I'm still feeling terrified to come out to them. Sending you well wishes!
I agree with potofsoup. It'll be easiest to come out to your aunt first. In that case you will have someone to talk to who can relate to what you're going through. I think it's wonderful that your family is already open-minded about such things. It will definitely make it a lot easier on you. Whatever you do, don't come out before you feel ready. Only you can determine when that would be. I initially came out to my parents as lesbian in a letter, but they're very homophobic and didn't accept it. I'm too scared to come out to them a second time as bisexual, because of how I know they'd react... I don't know how the rest of my family feels about homosexuality but from what I can tell, they're pretty accepting, which is a comforting thought.
