What if you aren't quite sure what you are (probably bi leaning toward gay), but you are "flamboyant" which makes people assume you're gay? I am not "out", but I feel like the way I act leads people to judge me as being gay. It is more of a principle thing that makes me hate this so much; it's not that I'm against being out, but that it should be on my terms. I am sure that there are straight men who act "more flamboyant" than me, and there are gay men who act very conservatively in their expression. Do either of these identify your So, if you try to be an entertaining person by occasionally responding to things with excitement/hand gestures and sarcasm (think like the actors on the TV show, Seinfeld), that means you're probably gay? So, if you're male, and you aren't slow-talking with a low-toned voice, reserved, and always calm, then you must be gay? Again, I think I'm bi. But, it bothers me so much that people judge. I feel like as I've aged, I have learned that "well, maybe that person is gay/trans/bi/etc, but it doesn't mean I can't like that person, and there's no way I can genuinely guess the right answer. Also.... it's really none of my business or concern." Why is it such an interest to straight people to know if you are straight or not? Even one of my friends has asked me before, and I told him no, but it seems to come up every year or so. The response is usually "not a big deal, either way." So then why ask? The bigger problem for me is when coworkers question you, or leave subtle hints with leading questions or suggestive comments like "oh, I hope that last statement didn't offend you" after a homosexual joke. In the Southern USA, at least, it is still generally NOT a good idea for your employer/manager to know about your sexuality. I can't exactly tell the truth to my colleagues even if I decided to be "out". So, I'm left with a defense that would probably be "it's none of your business." Which to them probably means, "yep, he just said he was gay". Ugh..
In the South, some things are still best left unsaid if you like being safe. Pack your bags and get the heck out of there before they drive you around the bend. Find a nice liberal city and be you. Life's too short to suffer in silence.
Don't mind people. If it's not one thing they'll find something else to tease you about. Just like you, until the person tells me-- it is not my business to speculate if someone is gay/bi/lesbian or otherwise. All I see is another human being and I will treat them as such. In my case, although I live in the South, I have been fairly open about my sexuality. I have not made a public announcement, but I have made it clear to the people who matter to me. The rest, well, they can stare/speculate or gossip..it keeps the air of mystery around me that I am in no rush to clear up. I never respond to the question, just smile and walk away. They stop after while when they figure out that I am not going to react.
Do you think that those around you will not accept you after you come out? If so, it might be a good idea to find a support network of people, either from those you know or new people you meet, who will treat you as if are the same person they knew before they found out you weren't straight. As for your employer, is their anyway that you could get a job transfer or find a new job in a state that guarantees your job safety if you come out? Even going to a more LGBT friendly city in the South like Atlanta or New Orleans might be a good idea if you want an employer that's more likely to be accepting.
First wanted to say thanks to all for your responses. I keep thinking about the idea of moving, but then a few things come to mind. #1: I shouldn't have to and again, out of principle, don't want to. #2: I think the city I'm in is "gay-friendly" as there is at least a couple gay-specific bars here. #3: I would be willing to bet if I moved to even, say NYC, that I would still be judged by strangers, and be a potential target for a bad-manager. This has made me think about other options. I thought about confronting someone about it and saying that I'm not gay, would appreciate the jokes stopping at work. I like the no-reaction approach better, I think. I think many will accept it, but with others it would be awkward and lead to further gossiping. I just don't like being talked about behind my back in general, but especially about something so personal. I believe I have somewhat recovered from a social-anxiety problem that started during childhood. Now that I am controlling that, part of that control is to not let deep, personal, controversal details about myself spread throughout the public. I don't believe there is any true guarantee of job safety. My corporation already has a strict policy against sexual harassment and discrimination, and specifically points out sexual orientation. The problem is that there's no way to write a policy or law against people's biases. If it came down to it, the firing manager could just point out any flaw in my job performance as an excuse. Recent budget cuts is another safe excuse. I'm not too worried about that in my current job. Probably generally less likely in the more LGBT friendly cities, though.
