I'm 26 years of age living with my parents and an younger brother. A college drop out homosexual (not out to anyone) with a part time supermarket job. Have no friends, never had any, always been a loner. Only leave the house for work, and come straight back home after. Always self concious about the way I talk,walk,dress,smile etc. Pretty sure I have deppresion, went a doctor once but got turned away. Apparently I wasnt suicidel enough for them to care. Thought about suicide multiple times, but too much of a coward to do it. Relationship with my parent s are rusty. Haven't spoke to my dad in years even though we live under the same roof, we avoid eye contact at all times. Can't remember when it all started or why. And a few months ago the same phenomenon started to happen with my mom, I'm trying my hardest to avoid eye contact with her. Too ashamed to look at her, as Im the black sheep of the family. About a month ago she confronted me when no one else was in the house. She made points like I'm being horrible by ignoring her etc. lack of education, marriage , future etc were the main subjects. Marriage being an important topic as I'm of Indian origin and arranged marriage is a big deal to the parents. She spent about half an hour lecturing while I just sat on my chair frozen. Once she was done she went for a prayer meeting. We are Pentecostal Christians. The second she left the house my body started to react in such a way that I never experienced before. Google results diagnosed the symptoms as a panick attack. Days and weeks passed by. This morning mom came into my room again for another dose of lecture, this time she was shedding a load of tears too. Didnt have the strength to look her in the eye, not even once. But I think it's about time everyeone know about my sexuality - thecore reason of my life's failure. But once again I'm too much of a coward to do it face to face, eye to eye. Text message seem to be an easier choice, I'll be sending that text in few days or in a matter of hours. Any thoughts? I will be back in here in a few days, if I survive my coming out. If not farewell everyone.
It's really important to come out where you know that you'll be safe in doing so and know that you'll be accepted where you are. Given your current situation... I wouldn't. I know you want to but where you live and the circumstances in which you live in aren't that great a place to come out. If I were you I'd try and move out first and maybe try and meet some supportive friends.
I'll agree with mister Rorschach here. Be practical and remember your own well-being. ---------- Post added 15th Nov 2014 at 01:05 PM ---------- Also, I think of myself as quite similar to you. I'm 26 years old and live with my dad. My life has sucked for much of it, and I've been through a lot of shit and known some really bad, abusive people. Like you, I also feel as if I've never had really close friends. I'm currently in community college instead of working at a supermarket, but some could say I'm arguably doing just as little with my life because academics have always been easy for me. I worked for a while in customer service and it almost killed me due to the stress. I can't handle stuff like that. So, congratulations: you're already stronger than I am on at least one point. Despite the fact that I live with my dad, I've come to loathe him and feel disgust for him because of a lengthy history of abuse and neglect. We rarely talk either. Don't feel alone. I just hope you can feel better knowing that someone is in a similar boat compared to your own situation. I have come to my dad crying before confessing that I thought I was gay. He simply tried to reassure me i wasn't. In the future he said I'd better not be gay or i was going to hell. I often wish I had some place to go, but I'm not social, the people around here generally suck, and I'm not good at making or keeping friends. So I'm totally on my own. Believe me, I feel you.
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! I don't think that coming out to your parents at this time, is such a good idea, given what you have mentioned about the current situation with your parents and your family's background. Before coming out to your parents, I would suggest that you try building up your own social network, create some friendships that have some meaning to you, and try to become somewhat independent of your parents. I can imagine that the situation in which you are finding yourself in, can easily lead to you feeling and being depressed, which can trigger a whole new set of thoughts. I think one way to start changing things is to start becoming more social, engage in activities that would allow you to have something to look forward to, say after work or on the weekend. Are there any social groups in your community that you could join or at least check out? Have you thought about going back to college and completing your studies?
Hey BritIndianGuy, Agreeing with Dr.Rorschach here. It's a safety concern. So please hold off on coming out to your parents. I am desi too and just like you, my parents have been harping about finding a nice boy for me. Slightly different situation from you -- I live half way across the world, so I have been able to hold my tongue and avoid the conversation. One thing is, these lectures won't stop. They will try to get your attention and keep pushing you to get married. And one of the reasons is, they believe that getting married will make you more responsible and you'll do something more with your life. My suggestion:- Change your life before they do it for you. Move to a different city if you can, get some distance so that you can process your feelings. Make friends who accept you as who you are. If you want to, move on to better things in life.. new job, or school.. anything that will keep you busy (you can use as a reason to not settle down right away).
BritIndianGuy, its OK take a deep breath and try to relax at least a little bit . I know that you want to come out and get it over with because you probably think it will make things all better but I have a feeling that it will not it may make them worse ! My opinion is that maybe you should wait and try to be out on your own before you tell them that way you don't have a chance of being thrown out if it all goes wrong and also that way when you are not there they have time to process and deal with what you have told them . I do not know what else to say but I wish you the best of luck and remember that I am here and a lot of others too if you ever want or need to talk please message me .
