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Feeling lost :help:

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by rainbowdesi, Nov 15, 2014.

  1. rainbowdesi

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    It took ages for me to put the puzzle together and finally understand that I am a lesbian.

    I first came out to my best friend and then analyze my thoughts and feeling over and over again.Took me 6 months, before I finally took a breath and let it sink in -- "I am drawn to women, I am a lesbian". I moved to a new city, new job and closer to my bestie. At work, my team was close-knit. I made friends and two months later I came out to a colleague. She just said she knew all along and had been trying to make me feel safe enough to tell her. After that, I slowly came out to my other teammates -- they could have reacted negatively and I could have ruined my career so easily but I couldn't keep it a secret. Thankfully, no such thing happened and everyone has willingly accepted me for who I am. I have never been treated any different after my confession.

    I never made any attempt to date anyone. I made up any excuse I could to just stay in my bubble a little while longer. No harm done. However, yes, being an Indian means parents edge you to the next chapter -- find a boy or we'll find you one. I don't have the heart to tell my parents just yet. I have a younger sibling to think about and I have no room for the emotional drama.

    Why am I lost? Well, I am leaving my cocoon this week. Moving away from this place and no idea where I am headed. I don't know where I stand with my social life but I think it would be nice to have a set of friends who get me. I don't go to bars or pubs. And somehow going to a meetup scares me. I feel disconnected and have no clue what I should do next. Any suggestions?
     
  2. jay777

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    #2 jay777, Nov 15, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2014
  3. rainbowdesi

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    Thank you,jay777, for point me in a right direction.

    Where I live, they have small gay community and I have attended the pride parade for 2 years, and yet every time I go -- I still feel partly like a bystander and partly as a community member. Sometimes I wake up thinking " am I really a lesbian?". I think I am past the questioning stage, but I still have a lot to learn.
     
  4. lb41974

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    I think that we all have a lot to learn still ,I have not been strong enough to go to the pride parade yet it is too scary for me to even think about it . I am so happy for you that you are able to do that . I wish you all the best of luck !
     
  5. StephenB

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    I work for an Indian family (I manage hotels), and I have dated an Indian guy (both my bosses and the guy I dated are Gujarati). I understand the culture very well.

    There is always risk in coming out. In today's world, it's much less of a risk than we had 10 years ago, 20 years ago, even 5 years ago. I would imagine the biggest concern may be your family. Coming out can be a huge weight lifted off your shoulders, and can make you ecstatic with the new found emotions. But ultimately only you can decide when and if to tell your parents.

    Best of luck with everything. Moving to a new city can be a great benefit, gives you a chance to truly feel free to try to date, and get to know new friends that are perfectly fine with you.

    If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me!
     
  6. rainbowdesi

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    @lb41974 : Thank you so much :slight_smile: I almost talked myself out of going to the parade, but decided to go anyway. First time, I went alone armed with a camera. It was so heart-warming especially to meet PFLAG members. It made me more comfortable in my own skin. The feeling that you're are not alone, certainly helps. I hope you get to go one day!
    @Stephen B: Ah, then you totally get where I come from. Being the eldest, I keep hearing that I am holding up the line, that it's the right time to get hitched etc. Living so far way has it's benefits.. I can keep pushing them back for maybe next 2 years. After that I would have to address the problem. I see my parents are so happy now.. and that happiness would disappear with my words. In a culture where social image is everything.. even a slight deviation is frowned upon-- to come out my parents is the last thing I want to do. Life is funny too.. and the world is getting so small.. my career ensures that I deal with my fellow Indians everyday and they're often from the same city. While I am comfortable being myself here; I would rather have my parents hear from me and not from a stranger that I am a lesbian.