I hate to say it but coming to terms with my sexuality has slipped off of my priorities list. I've lost my will to deal with it and become comfortable with it. I'm kind of slipping back into the closet...well, I would be if I didn't keep getting nearly forced out. My mom nearly forced me out the other day. She notices one of my friends, Tiffany, was once again single and asked if I would go after her. When I told my mom that Tiffany and I would not be compatible, she didn't understand. Then she kept bringing up other girls. You should go out with this person or this person, she said. Why are you so disinterested in going out with girls, she said. Do you not like girls, she said. Are you gay, she said. Somehow, by the hair of my chinny chin chin, I got away with not answering that. My coworkers...Somehow, they have figured it all out. Once, I was asked which I would pick if there were a pile of naked girls on one side of girls and boys on the other. Most recently, I found a broken screen in an apartment we were working on. I brought it down to the shop and my coworker said "What are you doing with that? You aren't supposed to be messing with the windows!" When I told him that I found it in a closet, he told me that he welcomes me out of the closet. Enjoy the freedom, he said. Again, I dodged the bullet. I don't know why I am doing this to myself. The closet door is wide open and I am cowering inside. I need to find some confidence again...
I know exactly what you mean. I didn't want to deal with my sexuality for the longest time, didn't want to acknowledge that I might be asexual or in actuality a lesbian. I just didn't want to think about it or what it meant. But, once I owned the truth, it really helped a lot. I have a clarity that I lacked before. Coming out to yourself is just step one.. and there's a long road to go. And this has to be your choice. Don't let anyone rush you. Deal with it when you want to. If you think joining a support group, please do so. Meanwhile, everyone at EC is always here to support you. All the best
You should try to become more comfortable with yourself, it's for your own good. I guarantee you, there is so much relief that comes with being comfortable in you own skin. You'll feel so much better. Find people to talk to who know what you're going through. There's plenty of us here on EC who would be willing to listen if you don't have the courage to talk to someone in real life. (*hug*)
