What is "out" to you?

I have also been wondering that. I think you ave the right attitude! I mean you never explicitly have said that you are staight have you? if it comes up in conversation then you can mention it or talk about your girlfriend or whatever but other than that I think its just awkward, making it into something that consumes who you are, not just a part of who you are. That's just my 2 cents...

 

I think it's when you really genuinely don't even keep track of whether or not people know. I've known people who say they are out but then watch their pronouns or are uncomfortable when a gay bar comes up in conversation or will mention that they've been to that restaurant too but conveniently (but consistently) not mention they were there on a date. Too me that's still the closet. On the other hand I also don't understand the need to sit down and have "the talk" with everyone you know. I've only ever sat down and told two people in my life (my parents). Then I just went about my life uncensored--people figure it out just fine. I've certainly had conversations about being gay with a lot of straight people (my siblings for instance) but they have always been conversations initiated by them after they found out or figured it out. But as far as having the "there's something I have to tell you moment" there have been two in my life.

I've been out for over twenty years, pretty much everyone knows because I don't censor anything about it--I joke with my coworkers about it, I mention to clients that yes I did try that restaurant--my partner/husband and I went and really enjoyed it, my partner and I hold hands in public, we attend family (even extended family) functions together--my partner was a pall bearer at my mother's funeral. I've always sort of assumed that a lot of people just hear from other people (as I've made it clear it's not an issue for me) and am occasionally surprised when it emerges that if you are blase enough about it most people aren't even interested enough to gossip about it. The last person who joined our office at work had been there for a few weeks when she found out. I hadn't had much chance to talk with her as we sort of work in different areas and one day something came up about what I was doing after work. I mentioned that my husband and I were going out to dinner with friends. There was sort of a long pause and then she said she hadn't known I... had a husband. Then the conversation went on--she actually seemed sort of genuinely pleased to have found another person there who was not a straight guy. Apparently people don't even talk about it around the water cooler any more despite the fact that, being in a pretty straight male dominated field (full of those kinda guys), for many of my coworkers I seem to be the first gay guy they really knew.

In my experience people tend to rise or fall to your expectations. My partner and I genuinely assume that people will be fine with it (and he and I grew up in Oklahoma and Utah respectively) and people always have been. Generally I have just taken it in stride and so have the people around me.

 

I accepted being gay almost 2 years now, and came out to those who needed to know slowly thereafter. Keeping track of who knows and who doesn't was definitely part of the process, but lately, I do indeed no longer care.

As a confirmed bachelor/divorcé I can definitely go under the radar, but I am not stressing about whether people know or not. I suppose that if and when I am partnered, it will come up more often, but as OGS said, I won't hesitate to mention him in whatever context would apply when taking about one's significant other. It is principally for that reason that no one knows in my office, it just doesn't come up (although I don't normally talk about my dating life anyway).

 

For me, I think I will consider myself Out when the people whose opinions matter most (family and friends) know and expect that I want a girlfriend. Not quite there yet.. but other than that, I really don't care what people think too much.

 

To truly be out, to me, is when you no longer hide your sexuality. Anyone can know and it doesn't bother you.

 

For me personally, I'll be out once all the people I trust and care about know about my sexuality. But I'll be even better when I get out of my homophobic home and I'm allowed to be open about myself without parents holding me back.

 

In my mind, being "out" to someone means that you have either told or confirmed to that person that you are queer. Whether that's because it came up in conversation and you felt that the time was right to drop it, or whether they asked you and you said yes, that's how I see it. I think that when people say "out to everyone," they really mean that they're open enough about it that they'll confirm to anyone who asks, or that they make it obvious enough (Pride jewelery/clothing/bumper stickers, etc.) that people can put the pieces together themselves. Being "out" to everyone would be a pretty big job. I mean, there's all those people in Antarctica who you would have to tell.

 

Exactly what scotty said, was reading his response as I was typing mine, haha. Yea for me it was when it went from fear (of reactions) to fact (I'll confirm it to anyone that asks, and everyone close/important to me is aware)

 

It means that all the people who I need to know intimate details about my feelings know them, and I don't really care whether the others do or not. I wear a rainbow T-shirt when it pleases me to do so, and go openly to "gay" events or places, but most of the time I just do what I want to do and don't care what other people think about me, because most of them don't.

 

I am not sure I have any need to volunteer telling anyone outside my close circle of relationships that I was out simply for the sake of doing so. Those that I have to connect with on a daily basis, whether it be family, friends, work mates, for the most part all know (or I believe they all know), and as people come into that circle, they either find out from others or I tell them as circumstances permit.

So, if I meet someone in the ordinary course, I do not look for a reason to come out to them? No.

However, if that person enters into my social circle on a recurring basis (again, whether it be personal or work related), then I have no issue discussing it specifically or generally (such as if I am talking about my partner).

To me, this is how I define being out.

 

I would consider being out to being genuinely not caring if people know or don't know. Like for me, I'll consider myself out when I can say, "Oh yeah, I think this actress is beautiful" when a group of friends are talking about their celebrity crushes. Currently, I'm out to about six or seven people and that's enough for now.

 

I would consider being out to be when you have officially have told someone your sexuality and/or gender. Then, being able to talk about your sexuality and/or gender freely without fear of being judged by whom you trusted enough to tell.

 

This.

 

Out, to me, is when the most important people in my life know about my sexuality and when I don't care about others learning about it, not necessarily through me.