I get so much anxiety being around my whole family for the holidays. I'm terrified to come out to my whole family, and being around them all at once is too much. My brother knows... my cousin knows... my parents *kind of* know but are in denial and I think may have even selectively forgotten. But I'm terrified. Sitting around the dinner table with my whole family... a time that so many people would be envious of and all I will be doing is sitting there in angst feeling like I'm living a lie... like my whole life is a secret from my family. Being in the closet sucks.
trust me i know how you feel its pretty stressful and i tend tend to avoid stuff like that when i can
It sounds like if your brother and cousin know, and your family 'sort of' know, then really you shouldn't feel bad for living a lie, because they they do know they choose not to acknowledge it. I understand how you feel, though. Nobody wants to be in a room and feel like something is going unsaid. Try not to dwell on it though, it's easy to think that we're on everybody's mind when we feel insecure about something. In reality they will probably be too busy thinking about other things, and enjoying the holiday- your sexuality won't be on their mind. I'm sorry, though. I do sympathise. Being in the closet does suck, but the good news is that it doesn't last forever - even if it feels like it now! (*hug*)
I remember a couple of christmases ago when nobody in my family knew it got too much being around them all and I went and cried for an age. It is hard Just hang in, and remember that one day they'll all know and they'll all be fine with it in the end
I honestly feel you. Now that I have accepted myself it's hard to be with either of my families. Seeing how they just ignore my aunt and her girlfriend every time during family functions makes me feel that they are going to ignore me like they do to them. I wish you luck. Try to be 'normal' you... you know the you before you became YOU
