I feel so alone, I don't know anyone else who is gay. I like other men, but societal myths have trained me and everyone else to not accept that as normal. I live in a conservative village, outside of Chicago. Believe it or not, there is not one other gay person in this damn suburb. I just visited my extended family last weekend, and something about having to lie to my prepubescent cousins about girls just really got to me. I'll say it, I'm depressed. They're totally normal boys, and I envy that lifestyle. They aren't going to have to stay up late worrying abut the what-ifs. They won't ever feel like an outcast like I do. They get to have normal relationships and not have people treat them differently for their entire lives. They don't have to hear the words gay or f@g be said in television or said on social media without it bothering them. I can't help but ask why me. WHY. I'm 21, and a lot of these feelings never came up before. I'll be honest, I'm fucking pissed. And I am not strong enough to live this way. I hate the fact that I have to deal with this. I'm jealous of straight people, which is a terrible quality. I have trouble waking up in the morning and going to college classes because I'm not excited or proud of anything in my life. I'm not motivated and I have to lie about everything to everyone. I've told a few people, most of them don't talk to me anymore. The one kid I do talk to is a total narcissist, and he just doesn't give a crud about anyone else. Which i suppose, I appreciate. At least I won't get treated differently by him. What the hell am I supposed to do? I need to know that I matter. Wtf did I do to deserve this, wtf am I here for. I want to be straight! Life would be easier, but more than that, I could be more confident. I would know everything I do isn't "weird". I could be myself and have better relationships with EVERYONE in my life. I'm not proud of this, and I don't know if I ever will be. I want children, I want a conventional life. I want to make the people in my life proud to know me. I want to be loved by all, but at the very least, just by someone. I'm so lonely. Can someone help?
Hey. Being gay is, in fact, a minority, so, by definition, they're right - it's not "normal," because a lot of people are straight. But ask yourself this: What's wrong with not being normal? Yes, many people who do not fit in the norms will be discriminated against, but is it for a good reason? If so, why? What's so wrong about loving one another? Ask yourself that. You don't have to be proud of being gay. In fact, there's nothing to be proud of - and no one should be proud of being straight, either. It's like saying you're proud of liking cake, but not pie - what for? There's no reason. Being gay is simply apart of you. It's not your everything - everyone else just makes it seem like so. When it comes down to the very, very basics, you are not gay. You are you, and that's what you need to be proud of. Having that said, nothing I or anyone else on this site can say will get you to miraculously become happier and more accepting of your homosexuality. It's up to you to listen and take what we say to heart, and, since you said yourself that people have grilled it into you that being gay is wrong, then it will be difficult to accept yourself. But, if it's any comfort to you, we support you. And we accept you. And by we, I don't mean just gay people. I mean straight allies as well. And, in the future, people will be more accepting. It will not stay terrible forever.
I'm with you man. A lot of times I'm like "well I'm not sure what the fuck I did to lose the genetic lottery". I'm also 21 and in college. It's like every second I look into my future and think, what the hell am I gonna do with my life? Sometimes I want to just tell people, sometimes that seems like the worst idea in the world. I act really straight, so no one would even suspect it. Honestly man, I think the best thing for us to do is think about the fact that we're getting old enough to where we can make our own lives. I personally wouldn't mind starting over and almost creating a new life. It's 100% not what I want either, I would give my balls to be straight (although I guess there would be no point of being straight if I had no balls haha). It seems like there are no gay/bi people out there, but there has to be. I'm in a very similar boat as you, you're not alone man. Sometimes it seems like we are though. Hit me up if you wanna talk
More people are gay than are red heads. It is not that much of a minority. You can have a hetero life if you want to, just have to act straight all the time, get married, have sex with your wife, have kids, and not experience true love in terms of sex. Millions have done it with mixed results. Maybe it will work out for you and your wife, but it probably will eventually go bad, since you know it would be a phony life from the beginning, not like it was for us who didn't know better. Your choice.
I used to feel like you, and while i still don't feel ready to "come out" out to my family (which i really shouldn't have to because it's nobodies business but my own and whoever i choose to share it with like here on this site.). However, lately i've been a bit more apathetic to the situation, if people find out who cares. I just want to be myself, i like who i 'am though i'm not perfect. Normality is overrated. Forget about society's expectation of you. Forget about what people may think, that doesn't matter. Society will just hold you down in that respect. Only after you've dropped these expectations and the negative stigma attached to your sexual orientation can you begin to accept yourself. And i promise if you are honest with yourself and you accept who you are, you will be a much happier person. If you've ever seen the matrix, in the scene where neo meets the oracle for the first time in her kitchen, theres a plaque above the doorway where neo stands, it reads "know thyself".
Bryan, Well as far as feeling alone and thinking you're the only gay guy in your county...You could always try one of those "gaydar" apps on your phone. They kinda creep me out when they tell me theres a gay guy 800 feet away from me, another 3 blocks away, another 1.2 miles away and so on. While I'm not really the type to use those apps and I wouldn't really recommend them unless you're purely looking for a hookup and no relationship, I'm willing to bet it'll prove to you that you really aren't nearly as alone as you think. Originally posted by BryanA: So what's stopping you? Do it. If you watch and learn from the most successful people in life. One thing they all have in common is they didn't make excuses. They wanted to do something, they went and did it. They never said, well if only (this would happen) then I could do (this). As someone in his mid-thirties, telling this to a 21 year old, I'm sure this all sounds like a bunch of trite garbage to you. But I will suggest that if you don't feel proud, or happy with your life, then stop and have a really good long conversation with yourself and ask yourself what you really want out of life. I think you'll discover that if you learn to live up to your OWN expectations and stop trying to live up to what others think you ought to be...you'll be a much happier person. Not only that, but people will respect and admire you for your determination and confidence. So umm yeah...if you want kids...YOU WILL HAVE KIDS. And you'll have them because you want them and not because you wanted to be "normal" like everyone else. Ricky Martin is openly gay and has twin boys. I believe Neil Patrick Harris and his husband have a lil booger or two running around. And heck, look at David Letterman, (he's not gay) but finally decided he wanted a child and had one around age 60. Looking at your prepubescent cousins and seeing in them a possible better future than what you see for yourself doesn't mean they are going to grow up and have exceptional lives. I don't how it is in your neck of the woods, but I can tell you from the midwest part of the United States, a wife and kids DOES NOT equal a happy life. I have a lot of good close friends and quite a few good acquaintances and not one of them has been happily married for longer than a few years, or not already on their second marriage. Only one of them just remarried recently and out of probably 100-150 people I'd say they are the only ones will a real shot at going the distance and making it till retirement. So yeah, ENJOY THE IRONY, that one day 20 odd years from now at least one of those cousins of yours will look at their life and see the life you are living and wish they were you. Now yeah, this is suppose to be a somewhat inspirational post for you, but I'll stop short of saying being gay is a gift. Although, in terms of real life super powers, having the heart of a man and the spirit of a woman, that ability to see things from both the masculine and feminine perspective. Strength and Compassion. Power and empathy. We all possess a unique perspective on life which is why I think you'll find that many of us are highly intelligent, creative and imaginative. I mean don't get me wrong, I'd still like to move shit with my mind and teleport; maybe shoot red laser beams out my eyes at people I don't like, but we all have view on life that straight people lack. Any kind of knowledge and understanding is power, so use it to your advantage. So the next time you hear "gay pride" and you feel like you're not so proud. Please consider that it's not about sitting around with a dumb grin on your face and bragging at how well you can take it up the rear or suck a mean dick. Its about learning not to live up to other's expectations of who they think you ought to be, and knowing that being the person you are meant to be is all you ever needed to be...and that's more than good enough. (Please send me the royalties when you put that on a T-shirt) ROCK ON SCANNER (P.S. And yeah, in case you're wondering, I could've never wrote this post at 21, I could barely look myself in the mirror and say, "I'm gay". Perhaps I've lived darker days than most, especially for people nowadays. It took me a long time to realize what a useless time-wasting activity self-loathing is. It took me 29 years to realize all this, take it to heart and say that then is when my life really began. Hopefully you're a tad quicker than me.)
BryanA I understand that you are upset and maybe even confused ,hell we all get that way look at me I am 40 and something silly as a fight with my best friend brought back all my gay feelings toward him and now I am in a nasty fight and soon to be divorce with my wife . I have two kids and we have been together for a little over 20 years ! I am sorry that you are having trouble with this I wish you only the best of luck and hope that it all turns out better for you !
