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Letter to Mom

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by aboutface, Nov 18, 2014.

  1. aboutface

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    So I'm at that point where I feel like I need to tell my mom. I don't know how long it might take me to muster up the nerve to tell her in person, so I have written this letter. Her Christian faith is very important to her, which is why I have included a paragraph about that. I have a thread in the "later in life" subforum, but just for a little context, I am 31 and just now coming to terms with things myself.

    I would appreciate any feedback, either grammatical or constructive criticism or just thoughts. Here it is:

    Mom,

    I am writing this because I have something I feel like I need to tell you. I lose my nerve when I think about telling you face to face because I don't know what your reaction might be, and I also hope that I will be able to get the things I have to say out better in a letter.

    The thing that I want to tell you is that I am gay.

    Being gay is not a choice that I am suddenly making, and it is not a phase I am going through. It is just a part of who I am. I could not will myself to be different any more than I could will myself to be left handed. Despite my best efforts to reject, ignore or shove away this part of who I am, it has consistently remained. Although a part of me has known for a long time, it was not until the past month or two that the internal walls finally came all the way down and I have been able to fully accept this part of myself.

    I know all too well that the Southern Baptist Church, and most Christian churches, regard homosexuality as being innately sinful and unacceptable. This is probably a large part of why I have been unable to accept this part of myself for so long. However, I believe that they have it wrong. There are only relatively few verses in the Bible that reference homosexuality at all, and when one digs into the context of these verses they all have something to do with pagan rituals, prostitution, rape, or something else that would make any sexual act sinful. I would encourage you to look into these verses and their context yourself. I can also provide a few things I have come across myself, if you wish to see them.

    I honestly do not know if this is something you maybe knew already, or suspected, or if this is coming as a complete shock to you. I also do not know what all the exact repercussions might be to this, but I do know that I have been raised to value things like honesty, integrity and authenticity. It is my belief in these things that is pushing me forward. I have spent long enough denying this truth about me, both to myself and to everyone else. I cannot allow myself to continue down that path.

    Please know that I love you very much and would never want to hurt you. Your consistent and unfailing love for me has been one of the great blessings of my life.

    If you need time, please feel free to take the time you need, but also know that I am available to talk about this and to answer any other questions that might arise.

    I love you so much,

    ...
     
  2. QueHaPasado

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    Well, if I'm going to nitpick...I recommend removing the comma from "knew already, or suspected" (paragraph 5). It just makes the sentence make more grammatical sense. This is so thoughtful and well-written. I don't see any more changes I would recommend making.
     
  3. Yossarian

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    Excellent! Good luck with it.
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    That looks like a very thoughtful letter. Good luck!
     
  5. scanner007

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    aboutface,

    I thought you did great.
    You led with a simple "I'm gay", explained that it wasn't a choice and continued with what seemed most important to you in regards to your relationship with your mother. If she's fair and reasonable, this will be a great way to open a dialogue with her.

    ROCK ON
    SCANNER
     
  6. GewfyGlenn

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    Personally (I cannot stress that word enough, because I do not know you or your mother) I would leave religion out of the first letter/conversation. It feels to me like it could come off as attacking something that may be very important to her, especially saying that something about it may be wrong. I would personally (same use as above here) just leave the very first communication as a son to mother conversation

    Either way, good luck!
     
  7. aboutface

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    I see your point. I guess I wanted to include that because I kind of expect it to be among her primary thoughts whether I mention it or not.

    She also not only leads/teaches her Sunday school class, but often expresses to me how she feels the materials she has to use are less than ideal with how they just stay on the surface level, and skip over things, and don't dig into the verses' meaning and context enough, which is something she frequently does on her own. She has also expressed reservations with the church's interpretation of some passages before, although not specifically (to me) the ones used for homosexuality. It is my hope that she might be able to apply all this to this topic at well and hopefully eventually be able to reconcile this part of me that I can't change with her faith.

    But I certainly don't want her to feel under attack at all. I don't know that she would but I guess I can't rule out the possibility. It is something I want to bring up, but it doesn't have to be in the initial letter.

    I'll think a bit more about it. Thanks.