I've joined this after reading some of the posts by people on here, I read one that was almost identical to my current emotional state. Completely and utterly confused and questioning myself and everything I have ever done up until this point. I am 23, have NEVER been in any sort of significant relationship with boy or girl. Somewhat embarrassed to say I am a virgin, but I know I shouldn't be embarrassed by that. I have very few people I consider close friends, and sadly I don't feel as if I could possibly confide in any of those people fully. I think I may be gay, although I have little to go on, only my gut and how I feel. I feel as though I have a stronger emotional connection with girls, even though I am basing this off of nothing significant to be completely honest. I am able to freely say I am attracted to girls, I find myself checking girls out, but I have never been in love or even kissed a girl, I have kissed guys and it was ok, I mean who doesn't like kissing, any of my more sexual experiences happened previous to my 16th birthday where I fooled around and there was mild foreplay, its safe to say I am just pretty confused and looking to feed off of people who may have experienced similar things to me.
If you've had sexual experiences, then you're not a virgin so there's no need to be embarrassed over something non-existent, and It's not really something that's helpful in the gay world anyway (over here we don't believe in the concept). You don't need to have experience with girls to know you're gay/bi, as long as you find them attractive and have fantasies, so you're at least queer.
@Fallingdown7 , thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it! I also appreciate the fact you've said that sexual experiences aren't necessarily important in the gay world, makes me feel somewhat better about my inexperience's! I definitely know I feel somewhat different, and my attraction towards women is an obvious pointer to who I actually am, its just difficult to comprehend that how you see yourself is changing and the possibility of how others see you might change! Again thank you for the reply
I know it's hard especially if you are still questioning whether you are actually gay or not but the fact that you say "I am attracted to girls, I find myself checking girls out" would kind of point to you at least being bi. I was really confused like you before, until I had sex with a guy and I knew how much better it was then sex with a female (well for me anyway ) I really think the only way you will know for sure is if you actually experience some sort of sex or kissing etc with a girl. Oh yeah do not be embarrassed about being a virgin at 23…I actually think it's kind of cool that you have waited so long
Thanks for your reply James I definitely agree that the most logical way of me finding out more about myself is to experience something physical with a girl, and although that seems pretty straightforward when I'm saying it, actually doing it is something much less straightforward :/ And thank you for saying that about thinking its good to wait, I suppose I've just yet to find that moment with someone when you want to go a little further, any opportunity I've had to go that far with a guy I've completely backed out which in my head at the time was ok, you aren't ready, but now I'm thinking I was actually saying, this isn't what you want. It's just taken me a bit longer than I would have wanted to actually allow myself to think this way. Thanks again for the reply, its also good to hear that you figured things out and aren't in limbo like myself
No problem I totally relate to what you are saying in regards to "any opportunity I've had to go that far with a guy I've completely backed out which in my head at the time was ok, you aren't ready, but now I'm thinking I was actually saying, this isn't what you want."….I was exactly the same before with girls and stupidly did go through with it on occasion just to try and prove to myself that I wasn't gay and also so people would not suspect I was gay….wrong decision, so good on you for sticking to what YOU actually wanted to do. Having sex for the first time is definitely not straight forward and of course you are going to be a bit nervous which is completely normal, but just remember everyone had a first time and every one was nervous so try and relax if you can (I know its a lot easier said than done, but try and remember sex is just sex and there is nothing to be nervous about) If you do try it and don't like/feel uncomfortable just stop. Thanks but Im still sort of stuck in limbo of sorts, i know Im gay but no one else does :dry: The joys of it all! :lol:
Apologies for my delayed response James I think you can put your time spent with girls down to experience, we all owe it to ourselves to at least try I think, I've just held out for a little bit longer than many of our counterparts! And considering we are from Ireland I think I am part of a very small minority of people in my age group that has yet to lose their V-card! I definitely do want to have sex, I mean I am not without urges and feelings, I just feel I've waited this long I should wait until it naturally happens you know! Awh, I see, I guess you've done the first part though, at least you know who you are, the rest might come in time, do you think you are getting to a point you feel as though you might be able to tell someone?
You definitely don't need to have experience to know if you're gay/bi. It's all about how you feel and how your body reacts when you see someone you like. I have never kissed a girl but I know I'm a lesbian. So, don't worry about it It's nice that you're waiting, really I didn't and ended up having sex with guys just because it was what I was supposed to do. Back then, I didn't know I was gay (let's say, I'm a late bloomer xD) but for sure I knew that wasn't what I wanted. I did it just because everyone else was doing it and before I figured things out. It was awful.
No problem, sorry about my late reply also :lol: Yeah waiting now until it happens naturally with the right person would definitely be the thing to do, the last thing you want after waiting so long is to have a drunken one night stand or casual thing that you are not fully into and is kind of awkward. Yeah thanks, have done the first part of accepting it myself (which took me ages by the way) I think I am ready to tell one or two people...but can't actually see myself being brave enough to do it :tantrum: Think I may have told one of my friends one night when we were on a night out but can't remember and he never mentioned it after, so kind of awkward! I hate alcohol :lol:
