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I'm a horrible son...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by nintenfreak92, Oct 7, 2008.

  1. I'm am the worst son in the world. My mom has been nothing but supportive of me and I treat her like scum... i fell so bad...

    It started when my mom devised a plan that I wouldn't say god around my sister and She wouldn't call me a faggot. Well I thught that was dumb... the only thing keeping her from calling me that is if I dont say god, WTF? This just told me that she is still THINKING of calling me it and how she really feels... so I didn't change and kept using the "lords" name in vain. So one day we were arguing and she called me a faggot and just started going on and on about how i am going to hell...well I just took it and went in my room. The Next day I told my most trusted friend Erin about it and how my parents hadn't punished her... Well somehow word got back to my sister and she told mom which ultimately resulted in my mom telling me I've stabbed her in the back and how she has done nothing but support me... and well now I feel like I am the worst son ever and I don't know what to do... I don't know if I was right to tell Erin about it or if I should have kept it to my self? How do I make my mom feel that I didn't stab her in the back...

    P.S: No one, if you read this don't talk about it to courtney, in fact dont mention me,gay, or emptyclosets to her and dont tell her about the whole faggot thing...
     
  2. Swamp56

    Swamp56 Guest

    You did nothing wrong :slight_smile: . You have every right to be upset with your sister, and you didn't stab your mom in the back.
     
  3. well my mom thinks I did she was crying and saying that I am selfish because now Erin is going to think that my mom doesn't really care about me and my sister can call me whatever she feels like.
     
  4. sblvd06

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    I think you should let your mom know how your sister makes you feel everytime she calls you a faggot. I think the only reason she didn't punish your sister is because she doesn't understand exactly how hurtful that word can be, especially coming from your own sister. If your mom is even the least bit understanding, she will realize that she was wrong in thinking that you stabbed her in the back. You were just extremely hurt at the time and needed to vent to someone. There's nothing wrong with that.
     
  5. LoveBall

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    I don't think u stabbed her in the back or anything. If I was in that situation - and I was in a similar situation - and I talked to my friends. U were offended by it, and u have every right to tell someone. I agree with sblvd06, Tell your mum that being called "faggot" really hurts you, and that you want your sister to stop it.

    Xx =]
     
  6. Louise

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    Without knowing all the ins and outs of your family dynamics it does sound as if your mum is over reacting a bit but whatever, this is her reaction.

    Could you talk to your mum and explain the situation better that your sister told you that even if she can't say the word faggot she is thinking it, so it comes down to the same. That you didn't take the lords name in vain to stab her in the back, just as you didn't realise how important this was for her she doesn't realise how important not being called faggot is to you.

    I don't know how old your sister is but god she needs a right slapping, well of course you can't do that but it would probably do her the world of good... and you too!

    Your sister is only calling you faggot to get a reaction out of you. Everytime you shout back she has one, she has pushed your buttons and you have dansed! Just TRY to just get up, turn your back on her and leave the room. Don't give her the satisfaction of making you angry, she isn't worth it.
     
  7. Enaithor

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    You need to stop blaming yourself, it's blatantly your mum that's out of order...
     
  8. Lexington

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    >>>It started when my mom devised a plan that I wouldn't say god around my sister and She wouldn't call me a faggot. Well I thught that was dumb... the only thing keeping her from calling me that is if I dont say god, WTF? This just told me that she is still THINKING of calling me it and how she really feels... so I didn't change and kept using the "lords" name in vain.

    Your mother came up with what I think is a decent compromise. Your sister apparently objects to your use of "God" and/or "Lord" as epithets, the same way you object to her using "faggot" as one. So the idea was that you'd both agree not to use those terms to each other.

    And you said no.

    Why? Because it's OK to use terms that she doesn't like, but there's something wrong when she does it to you? Or because as long as she's THINKING it, it's as bad as her saying it? You can't legislate people's thoughts - only their actions. You can't get your sister to accept your homosexuality. You can only get her to not confront you about it. That's all you can ask.

    You two have different ways of looking at things - that's fine. But she's not going to suddenly start accepting your "way of life" so long as you keep dismissing hers. You may not agree with her Christianity or what have you, but you're going to have to accept it. She's not going to give up believing what she believes just because her brother wants to, any more than you're going to start liking girls because your sister would prefer it that way.

    One of you has to give first. May as well be you.

    So put your personal feelings about what she says to you aside. Approach her completely and totally by taking her views and feelings into consideration. Ask her, "Does it really bother you that much when I say things like 'God" and 'Lord'?" If she says yes, say "Well, if it does bother you that much, I'll try not to use them." And then, do so. Stop using them around her. Actually, stop using them at all, and then you won't slip up and use them in her presence. If you do use them in her presence, immediately apologize. "Sorry - I told you I wasn't going to use that word, and I just wasn't thinking."

    And, ideally, do this not because that'll mean she has to stop using "faggot" in your presence. Do it because you respect the fact that she doesn't like to hear those words, and you don't want to hurt her. Once the respect is established, she might start dropping the "faggot" of her own accord.

    >>>So one day we were arguing and she called me a faggot and just started going on and on about how i am going to hell...well I just took it and went in my room. The Next day I told my most trusted friend Erin about it and how my parents hadn't punished her... Well somehow word got back to my sister and she told mom which ultimately resulted in my mom telling me I've stabbed her in the back and how she has done nothing but support me... and well now I feel like I am the worst son ever and I don't know what to do... I don't know if I was right to tell Erin about it or if I should have kept it to my self? How do I make my mom feel that I didn't stab her in the back...

    Better question - how did your mom find out? I don't think you were wrong to talk to Erin about it, but it should've ended with Erin. It shouldn't have continued on to other people.

    I'd tell your mother the truth - you told Erin because you were frustrated about the situation, and wanted to vent to somebody. That's something we all do. Tell her you appreciate what she's done, trying to work out a compromise, and you'll work on keeping strife to a minimum.

    Lex
     
  9. No One

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    im so sorry if its my fault plz plz plz plz forgive me i didnt say anything wrong i just jokingly told her that i was warned to stay clear i didnt know it would get you in trouble im so so so so so so so so so sorry please forgive me i didnt sit nor talk to her today im so sorry =(. i promise i wont say anything to her about anything you say ever ever ever again
     
  10. No One

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    oh and you are not a horrible son you just needed some advice just tell her that and tell her you love her and that you didnt mean to stab her in the back if you did
     
  11. Well that's ok I think she either feels bad for saying it or feels bad because someone found out... idk... but don't avoid her that'll make her feel worse...

    Oh and lexington, I know i was in the wrong, when me and my sister fight we go for the throat... But I don't know how to not want to kill her and just act civilised around her...
     
  12. jbb1236

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    I have a saying that might ring true, or at least offer some sort of advice ore wisdom. "Don't argue with idiots, because when you do, it is hard to tell who is who."
     
  13. cm25

    cm25 Guest

    there is something by saddii that's sorta like that. He's a middle eastern and he said somethin like" a man was constantly yelling at a donkey and as a man passé by the man stopped and said a man that yells at a harmless donkey is a donkey himself"