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Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ChristmasLights, Nov 20, 2014.

  1. ChristmasLights

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    New Hampshire
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So let me start off by saying this will either be a very long post or a very short one. It really depends on how much of my heart pours out.:confused:

    So, I'm gay. And happy (for the most part). And proud as much as I can be. But know I've hit a bit of a self-conscious, social, and emotional wall. I first came out to my parents, and it went extremely well. I'm not really sure why I came out to them first, but it felt right, and I knew they would accept it, So, hey, why not? Anyway, I've also come out to a friend who I have known for a long time. She took it really well too. But this is where I'm a bit stuck. I really, really do want to come out, be out, and be open and happy about it. Trust me, I know that this is what I want. The area I live in is pretty darn accepting, and I know of one other person in my grade who is out (who seems really nice). But... A. I try every time someone asks me if I'm gay to say yes, but it just won't come out... B. I don't have any super-close friends to talk to. I'm not lonely, and I have "acquaintances",but I have a really hard time getting close with people. I try, I really do, I just can't. My cousins are probably my best friends, and I sleep over at their house all the time, but there still my cousins.Like I said, I try with people, but it is hard for me, especially when it seems that no one has anything like your tastes. Like, literally, I am am so incredibly friggin' different, it isn't even funny. Anyway... C. I don't know how. I just don't know. I'm so happy and proud to have made it this far, and I'm not going to give up, but I just don't know. I am completely and utterly stuck

    Thanks for any and all responses in advance, especially from this great community.
    See ya on the flip side
    ~ChristmasLights
     
  2. RedDev84

    Regular Member

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    I find it pretty interesting how everyone's ways and means of letting people know they're gay can completely differ. The one that stood out to me was your point 'A'. I personally plan to say 'yes' to this question pretty much every time (within a natural realistic personal safety range of course). The thing is though, no one ever asks me!

    Essentially, if you want to tell people but can't answer 'yes' when asked, perhaps beat them to it? The same way you've come out to others, adjust it accordingly & apply it to the person you're talking to. Like me, you might find this near-on impossible - which is why I'm now in the position of wishing people would just ask me.

    I'm with you on the friendship thing. For some reason I'm really bad at improving my 'offline' friendships, I've had signs of promise with several people which have all died a death. I still talk to some of them, but certainly no more than acquaintances. Online has been a different story. My best friends, past and present, have in the majority been people I first met online. I'm in my 20s now and that's still the case as I write this.

    Try to reduce the importance of your sexuality in your potential friendships. What confuses me about the non-accepting is how us being gay actually has no direct impact on them at all. Just remember that. When you start talking to someone (new or existing) just let the conversation flow, see how comfortable you are around them and when an opportunity arises/the timing feels right perhaps drop it in.

    Being openly out is the aim of the majority on this forum. Some have different perspectives on what 'being out' is. I almost get a sense of you want people to know even before you've introduced yourself, I really don't see it that way. Just let time do it's thing and you'll know when the times right, like you did with your family and friend(s).
     
  3. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    you should indeed be happy and proud to have made it this far!!! that is fantastic. congratulations. and if you stay stuck there for a while, then just enjoy where you're at. when you get to the point where you just can't imagine staying where you're at for another moment, then it will be time to move. for now, celebrate!
     
  4. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    A few days ago there was a thread on the chit chat section of this forum about pride (rainbow) bracelets, badges, pendants etc. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
    It seems many members of Empty Closets wear at least one of these items every single day to demonstrate their pride, with the resulting questions about orientation or the symbolic meaning. If you are struggling to find the words, might this be a way forward for you?
     
  5. SwimScotty

    Full Member

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    Pride jewelery is a good way to go. One of the things I tend to do is read LGBT+ books in school and then people will ask me what my book's about and I'll tell them. I don't always tell them that I'm bi, but some of them have managed to figure it out for themselves. Another is the my desktop backgrounds on my laptop; I have a painting of two guys holding hands walking down the street in snow. It's actually a really cute picture.
     
  6. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    my wife commented that some people might misunderstand my rainbow socks and think I was gay. duh! (and what about my pink shirts and socks, fuchsia underwear, and my pink "hello kitty" wallet?) I just said that it didn't make any difference to me. But she really doesn't seem to get the hint. today she was talking about some people going down to Cancun, and I said that would probably be a nice place to spend the winter. she responded that I would probably spend my time with the girls and beer. I told her that definitely is not who I am. But yeah, I do think that for the general public, the pride jewelry is a good way to go. People do make remarks about it, like how it takes a real man to carry a hello kitty wallet. but as far as a short cut for coming out, it hasn't worked for me so far. but then again, the night is young!