I'm mainly in the closet because I'm unsure of what to come out as. I'm completely uncomfortable coming out as questioning. When I was younger I came out as bi to some people. That didn't go so well. They started pressuring me to date guys. I internally identify as gay, but I'm scared I'm actually bi. Mainly because my body sometimes reacts to attractive guys. I suspect that happens because I over analyze things and have anxiety. It could also mean that I'm bi, but I hope it doesn't. Mainly because I want coming out to be simple. If I'm a little bit bi coming out will be way harder. Mainly because I don't really want to date guys and my feelings for guys aren't anything like a straight girl's. If I came out as bi people would assume I like guys as much as straight girls. I want to come out as gay, but I'm scared I'll fall in love with a guy or get caught looking at a guy for too long.
Hello ,first off I want to say that is OK it is scary to come out !! all I can tell you is that you will come out when you are ready it will all of a sudden just click with you and you will know that it is the right time to come out . You have you whole life to decide who and what you want I would not worry about labels so talk a deep breath and relax you will find that special somebody and you will live happy ever after !! I want to say that this is only my opinion I hope I have help a least a little bit . I am glad to have meet you and if you ever need to talk or want to cry on a shoulder I am your man !!
Well, if you really don't want to date guys (and you're not just convincing yourself of that because it makes things easier for you), then feel free to say you're gay. It may not be the most accurate because you still have an attraction to men. However, the labels are here for our convenience, not because labeling is an exact science! If you want to label yourself, that's fine. If you don't want to right now, then for goodness' sake don't! I would just caution you against choosing an identity based on what other people want to hear instead of who you know you are. You can come out as gay and end up falling in love with a guy. It's not unheard of and most people won't judge you. Or you can come out as bi and no one will question you no matter who you fall in love with, but you might be on the receiving end of some biphobia. OR you can take my personal favorite option and make your own label. This may help you: Amazon.com : Brother Personal Labeler Machine, White (PT90) : Label Makers : Office Products
If you dont want to date guys dont even for one single second that you *have to*. Coming out can be very intimidating because you never really know how people will react. I say take your time and allow it to happen when the time is right. You'll know.
Coming out as bi to figure it out come make it easier you won't have to worry about people getting upset at who you sleep with or date .
If you came out as bi again, what would happen? Would people try to pressure you again? or would you have the confidence to stand up for yourself now and do what feels right for you? or - If you came out as gay, and then somehow ended up dating a man - what's the best and worst thing that could happen? Do you not want to say you're gay just in case the perfect man comes along and wants to sweep you off your feet but he can't because you're gay?
Coming out is intimidating under the best of circumstances; trust me, I know. If you want to come out, do it. If you identify as gay, come out as gay. If you end up falling for a guy, so what? You did no harm. Things happen and orientation can be complicated.
I get what you say. I've got a little bit of anxiety too and I know what it is to overanalyze things, I was really confused too. The best advice I can give you is take your time figuring out what you want and don't rush things. I know is easier said than done, but one day, you'll know. :icon_wink
If I came out as bi, people would probably think I'm boy crazy like all the other straight girls. That causes a lot of cognitive dissonance. I have the same problem when people think I'm straight, but it's not as bad. Mainly because I don't really talk about my sexuality coming out as bi kind of is talking about my sexuality. If I say I'm bi with a preference for girls people will probably assume that means I have an "average" attraction to guys and an "above average" attraction to girls. That causes cognitive dissonance as well. I have little to no attraction to guys and below average to average attraction to girls. I don't really know why I have less attraction to girls. Maybe because being closeted is repressing my sexuality. I often tell people "I'm not too boy crazy" to reduce the cognitive dissonance. If I come out as gay and later date a man I'll prove to everyone that women cannot know their sexuality or truly be gay. That's already a prevalent message in the media and it pisses me off. I really don't want to spread that message. I'd rather be closeted.
I don't want to be known as that stupid girl who thought she was gay and got "fixed' by the right guy. I also don't want to be mentioned in some antidotes about some lesbian that turns straight.
Anyone who dishes you out that shit needs to have a reality check. I say be the change you want to see in the world and come out as just 'queer', if you feel like you need a label to have closure (I do too). If people ask, explain what you're saying to us here. If they can't understand that then they're immature and/or ignorant, and you don't have time for that.
I understand that, and it seems that right now your crisis is based around the fact that you care a lot (too much? For you to decide) about what others think of you. Maybe you should come out once you can be secure in what you believe about yourself. Otherwise, any negative reactions to your coming out would affect you too much for it to be a beneficial step for you. Am I on the right track here?
It's not only that I care too much about what people say, it's just that my brain likes to take all information into account. Even when I know it's total bullshit. When I watched faking it I had a panic attack when they made Amy bisexual. I had to remind myself that it's just a tv show and I'm not Amy. You're on the right track. I think that being closeted is making my obsession worse, but coming out could make it worse as well. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.
Is there anyone you trust enough to come out to? Just one person knowing may be able to help you feel a bit more secure about this. Then you wouldn't feel completely closeted but could explain yourself a bit more than you would be able to by coming out to everyone. You could explain that you identify as gay but you don't want to limit yourself. It might help you feel a bit more secure in your identity, as long as you choose the right person whom you absolutely trust.
Sounds like that would make your feelings about this worse then. If there is no one you could trust enough to be okay with you coming out, then you really do need to work on becoming more secure in your sexuality before you come out to anyone else. I'm sorry, I really don't know what else to say. There is no easy fix for caring too much about other people's opinions; it takes time and a lot of pushing the limits of what is expected of you. I believe in you though! :icon_bigg
