Telling my mum in about...half an hour :S

Ok so for a year ive been fighting with myself that i can't be gay, but here i am posting on this site. I've realised that this is the life i've got and im sure as hell gonna give it a good shot, i have dreams to reach yet !!
About a month ago i told my closest friend and she was totally cool with it, was so shocked. Because my mum's partner is homophobic i feared anyone's reactions. But she just didn't care, i was so relieved!
This week i've told my close group of friends..they were ok with it but i was so scared of my mum finding out. She says she would 'accept' a child ofhers being gay but thinks its definatly wrong. so im a bit concerned!
Also been avoiding my mates at school..i feel so weird around them now that they know...i dunno how to deal with that at all.

If anyone watched hollyoaks when they craig and john paul story line was going there were huge arguments about gay people in my family. My younger brother and mums partner are homophobic and think all gays should be shot! I defended gays til the end..but when accused i denied being gay. i know thats bad !

But i've had enough of living a lie, its tearing me apart. Yesterday i walked to the river and thought right i either jump in and give up or i accept me and make the most of the life ive got..so this is me doing that. by admitting it to mum.
Just got off the phone to my brother he is one year older then me, im 17 and we have always been extremely close, i new with him on my side i could cope with mums reaction. and he was totally cool with it ! his words were 'i don't care what your preference is!'.

Ok this is a lot of waffle, basically just looking for some general advice. Haven't talked to anyone who's been through this at all.

 

Ok.. it didn't go as bad as i thought but not too great either..

First i phoned my brother, i felt he deserved to know first as he has always been there for me when mum wasn't. He was TOTALLY fine with it! He even said don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about it, you are who you are. Was so relieved!

Mum on the other hand..
She has narcolepsy and cataplexy, and she was watching a programme about it..coincidentally they were discussing how they are born with it and can't change who they are, trying to hide it won't help they have to try and live with it..so i thought if theres ever a time its now. Waited for the ad break..and went for it. I explained that the reason i had been finding things hard this year was that i was struggling to accept who i am..went on to say that there was a very clear reason i didn't want to be with josh (a great mate who mum has wanted me to get with for ages!). Then she goes 'are you a lesbian?' I go yeah. Then she went into shock, proper shock! She didn't wana accept it. She goes 'so you don't like guys?' umm yeah mum thats me point ! lol

She said she didn't hate me and would accept it she was just finding it hard to get her head around. I showed her the letter that i wrote at the river. She understood that i hadn't chosen it but said she needed time to accept it. Some of the questions she asked made me actually laugh! For example 'So is this why you don't wear skirts?' yeah cos i thought im gay i wont wear skirts! and 'are you still gonna go to uni?' like it would change cos ive told her ! i accepted long before i thought of uni.

She also said that if i got with someone she wouldnt want them in the house..
So i dunno what to make of that, ill give her her due she seemed to accept it wernt my fault but she does seem very weird about it... She also asked how i new, had no idea how to answer that so replied with how did u no u were straight, seemd to shut her up. She said it was just a blip and id snap out of it !
So i dunno how to take it...
i still have a roof over my head so can't be that bad i guess !

 

thanks for your support everyone =]
Im officially not living a lie anymore wooooooooooooooop. plus i think mum is coming around slowly, she wrote me a letter saying she is fine with it it will just take her time. which is cool seen as it took me like a year to accept !