I don't know how much longer I can stand this. I've tried so hard to deny to myself and others that I'm a complete lesbian but I can't deny it anymore. For a while I was just telling myself I'm a lesbian with an exception, but I know there's really no such thing. I not sexually/romatically attracted to males at all. I really love my boyfriend, but not in the way I originally thought I did. I want a future with him, but as my best friend, not my boyfriend. I call him my soulmate not in the romantic sense anymore, but in the sense that we make each other's lives better by existing. I tried to break up once, but it was also in the middle of a suicidal spell and I quickly took back my efforts. I'm scared we won't be able to be friends anymore if I break up with him. I'm scared he'll want nothing to do with me. And I don't want to hurt him. I know he loves me deeply. I just don't know what to do. I'm miserable, but I don't want to make him miserable. I really want to try to date women though, I want to try and have a romantic/sexual relationship. I don't think I should drag this out further, but every bad thing possible is running through my mind. It hurts.
Sorry to hear about your situation. That must be very difficult. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very very close. Is it possible that he can see how miserable you are? And maybe even has an idea why? Unfortunately breaking up hurts, regardless of the reasons. Check out the LGBT Later in Life section. There are quite a few people who have come out of long term relationships and marriages and successfully maintained friendships.
Personally, I'd come out to him. Tell him what you said to us. Tell him you wanna be friends andnthat you DO love him,but not in a romantic way. I'd tell him about your sexuality first though.
Agree 100%.Even if he loves you deeply, is not fair to him to be unaware that you aren't attracted to him the way he is attracted to you. There is a huge difference between a close friendship and romantic love. Also remember you have the right to live your live and have the relationship that you really want. In the later life section you'll find many people that regret the years they missed because they were in straight marriages, without taking into account their spouses, who were shocked and no wonder, angry after so many years together only to find something like this. You and me are the same age. We are young and is better to make the decison now. I know its hard, but If you live in a supportive environment, I think you should talk to him.
He knows I'm miserable but not fully why. I also suffer from mental illness and have been coping very badly lately. He has asked me in the past though if I thought of myself as homosexual, and if I'd be happier if he was a woman. So he may know on some level but not fully, since I told him no when he asked. ---------- Post added 25th Nov 2014 at 10:10 PM ---------- My environment isn't actually supportive at all, which is another reason I'm scared. I guess I should mention our relationship is long distance- as in we are both in completely different countries. I live somewhere where I really can't be out- it would easily cost me my job and my family's support. You're right that it isn't fair to either of us. I just feel like I'm being unfair to him either way though, if that makes sense? He's had issues in the past that make him feel easily unloved- I don't want him to feel like me breaking up with him is a confirmation of that.
Well, I knew I remember you. This is what I wrote to you before (I used to have written as my orientation women with 1 exception). The truth is that my situation's changed over the last 9 months. I don't know if I was in some kind of a denial before but I realized I want to be only with a woman. I also felt extremely guilty and didn't want to hurt my bf but I got to the point when it was almost unbearable (I wasn't able to sleep with him anymore) so I came out to him. He kind of suspected it. After 14yrs it was difficult thing to tell him but it was also a huge relief. Like you I'm also afraid of losing him as a friend if we break up so I couldn't do it yet. I know it's inevitable though, especially because I'm trying to date women now. So it's not all 100% sorted but apparently both my mental and physical health is much better now. You know what you have to do so, please, do it, the sooner the better. It's not fair to both of you and if not right away he'll sooner or later understand you had to do it. Wishing you all the best. (*hug*)
Oh hello, haha. It's really interesting to see that your situation has gone in a similar direction. You're right, the sooner the better. I just need to get the guts to do it I guess, and hope that we can still come out of heartache as best friends. Thank you. (*hug*)
