Hey everyone..it's my first post here..i stumbled across this site and it seems like a great place to find comfort..im at a loss. is it bad that i've known for 7 years i wasnt straight, and still have yet to tell my parents? i've told about 4 people and they have been very supportive but i cant bring myself to tell my parents or sister. i've always been unsure on whether i was bisexual or a lesbian, but i think now i know my sexuality. the past 7 years have been so hard.. i think having to keep this huge secret is the result of my ED, and all the other self doubt i come across. for some reason the past couple of weeks, wanting to tell my parents has been on my mind constantly.. im so scared. scared of them hating me, and my friends feeling weird around me. i dont want to lose what i have..but i want to be comfortable, and happy. im just tired of hiding.. i dont know if i can do this any longer. again im sorry to post all of my heart and soul here at once.. but i dont know what else to do. advice or stories would be great.. :rolleyes:
First, nice username. Now to the main point - it's perfectly normal for a person to be aware of their non-heterosexuality and not want to tell their parents. Plenty of us do it or have done it in the past, and it's nothing strange or unusual. There are plenty of practical reasons why a person wouldn't want to come out to their parents, ranging from disapproval to disownment. Don't feel rushed by any means; you can come out to your family any time you feel is best for you, but if you think that the majority of them will be supportive, then it might be best to come out sooner rather than later. Putting it off can cause unneeded stress and anxiety that will only make things more difficult.
Well... I can't really give you any stories as I have yet to come out to my family yet, but hopefully I can still help you decide what you want to do and make you feel better. I thought about it for a long time and I still have yet to be 100% positive on my sexuality but I am pretty sure I know what I want. I decided it wasn't the right time to tell my dad as I really want to know for sure before I go and say that I am gay or bi. I know he would accept me, but he may not approve of it. Anyway... if you really want to tell them, then tell them, but you should go in knowing that they may have questions or may need time to adjust to it. I have heard quite a few stories where parents originally freaked out about it and rejected it at first, but after some time they turned around and accepted it after some time to think about it and maybe ask questions to understand. Just don't freak out too much about it and do what feels right. I wish I could take my own advice sometimes >.> lol I hope things work out well for you ^_^ Alex OH... and welcome to EC!
thanks already for the 2 replies. everyone seems so nice and accepting... part of me just wants to go up to them and be like "Mom, Dad, i'm a lesbian" and leave it at that. but i dont want them to be upset, or look at me differently. i wonder if i wrote them a letter, it would make it easier?
I think that a letter could be a really good idea depending on the situation. Just based off of my assumptions... I would say that a letter would be better if you think they will have a harder time accepting it at first or if you have a hard time actually talking to them about it. It also kind of gives them their own time to think about it without needing to give you some kind of reaction right away.
Up until last night i was in a very similiar situation to you. I actually considered the just say it approach too ! But went for your second alternative..i talked about it then said please can you read this letter. It didn't go too badly. I am now extremely relieved that she knows the real me and not some fake. I've had a year of it tearing me apart and then this last week it literally on my mind 24.7, it was ruining my life. i new i had to take the chance. and its really paid off. a letter is always a good idea as you can clearly get across what you want to say without getting caught in the moment with temper or anything.
Well I can imagine it would have been very difficult to come out when you weren't secure in your sexuality. Knowing and being comfortable with your sexuality yourself is the first step in coming out. From there, take it at your own pace. Don't come out until you're ready. But when you do, a direct approach is probably best. Deciding that you're ready to come out and that you should is probably HARDER then actually doing the deed. Sit down and write out a list of pro's and con's of coming out, then do the same for staying in the closet. Figure out the potential consequences and benefits. Once you have it all sorted out within yourself im sure you will be a lot more motivated to move on to the next stage - telling the people close to you.
I think that if you want to come out then you need to prepare yourself; take a look at different ressources, here and on Pflag to see how parents react and the things that go through their minds. Download some pamphlets that you can give to your parents to help them get through this. This has been an ongoing thing in your life for the last 7 years, you can't just drop it on your parents like a bomb shell and hope everything will carry on as before. Do you know how your parents feel about homosexuality in general? If they are open minded then it will be easier for them to come to terms with what you have to tell them. You must be ready to hear silly comments like 'it's just a phase' or 'how do you know'. These comments are not a critisizm on the part of your parents just a desire to understand and be sure about things. You can understand their doubts you didn't just wake up one morning and say Oh I'm gay, you had doubts, you searched your soul to try and understand, let them do the same. You are a newbie here so just to tell you I am the mum of one of the boys here so I do understand how scary it is for people to come out to their parents but also how hard it is for parents to come to terms with something completly alien to them and so scary. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I am not here this week end but I will be available all next week.
My parents are very differnet about homosexuality. sometimes they seem like they are okay with it, but then they make ignorant remarks. i think my dad would take it better than my mom.. but he's also known to keep his feelings inside. my mom is pretty closed-minded, about more than sexuality. sometimes they say things like "You never have boyfriends.. are you a lesbian?" "yeah shes got girls plasted all over her walls she must be a lesbian" and it hurts me, because they think they are being funny when they arent.
Hi there! Take your time in coming out to your parents. As it was said by the other members, it is important that you do it when you feel ready for it. It is very normal to feel scary to come out to your parents. Keep in mind that coming out to parents is one the hardest things that we all face. There is no rush. If you feel that your dad would react better to it and is a bit more 'open minded' then maybe you could approach him first when you are ready to tell. From what you have written it seems like that your parents might already suspect something or at least it has crossed their minds that you might not be straight. However, if you feel that it might go badly it might be worthwhile to wait until you are financially independent. I think it would help you if you expand your support network. The more people you have around you that are supportive and accepting the easier it might be to talk to your parents. Having a strong support network is very important as it will allow you to become more comfortable and securer. Before you come out to them though, educate yourself first a little bit as it will help you to get ready to tell your parents as well. As Louise mentioned, read through some of the PFLAG material and the posts on here. Print out some materials for your parents as well. Hope this helps!
Wow...the other posters have it pretty much covered.They have said a lot of what I would've. So...just let me say congrats for coming to terms with being gay and good luck with your folks! Let us know ...when you do decide to tell them. People here really DO care.
thanks soo much for all of the support and advice. i almost told my best friend tonight but i chickened out. sometimes i dont think i will ever be ready..
Hi there! What didn't happen tonight is an opportunity for another day. No worries. Always remember that coming out is hard. You tried and thought about it. That is what counts. In time, you will be ready to come out to your best friend.
i did it! i told one of my good friends. not the friend i mentioned in an earlier post.. but another really close friend. i knew she would be supportive. i cried, and she just hugged me and said "i love you, and im going to love you no matter what you are and who you're with, i want you to be happy" and she cried too. she was so supportive, and i think she gave me more strength to tell a few other people. she said she'd help me find a support group and she'd even go with me if i needed her too. i feel a lot better now that another one of my friends knows..
