okay, so this question has been asked hundreds of times and im stubborn and slow and going to ask it again. the question: i have a friend who i think might be gay. im scared to say anything to quickly. what do i do? i like him etc etc. you get the picture. now for elaboration. i've known him since he moved here but we havent been close friends till recently (past month or so) and since we started getting closer he's been getting a little more physical with me. i.e. when he sees me in the halls, i always go for the handshake/highfive thing and he always holds my hand for an extra second. when we see each other outside of school, he runs up and hugs me and lifts me into the air. when we sit next to each other, his arm is always around my shoulder except when i lean back in my chair when his hand is rubbing my stomach. in short: IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!! i keep dreaming about him, i keep thinking about him, and i keep wanting to make a move but im afraid to cause i dont want to lose him as a friend. but i also want to make things progress and maybe you know... yeah anyways, i dont see him too often (3-4 times a week) but i want to see if i can have a sleep over soon and invite him over anywho until then does anyone have any thoughts/advice/encouragement??? im not about to stop his advances but i dont want to return them till im certain... gah im confused so someone please make a suggestion... please?? i
If you feel the time is right, I would suggest you come out to him. If he likes you too he is most likely to come out aswell then, and if he's not gay at least you'll know for sure then. I was in a similar situation and eventually came out to this guy, unfortunately it turns out he was straight after all, but it hasn't affected our friendship at all either because I never told him I liked him, and I never will, but at least I can TRY to get over him now. Of course sometimes I like to imagine he's still in denial and will one day return my love but thats a whole other story... lol Hope it works out better for you, he sounds like I used to be a couple of years ago before I started to come out, very physical and all that...
Yeah I think you need to come out to him first. Even if it leads to nothing coming out to your friends makes you feel better about yourself over time. If he is your friend he wont have a problem with it. Hopefully if he is questioning he will be able to confide in you.
Well, I learned the hard way that the best thing to do is face your fears, and go for it. I learned that sitting, wondering, dreaming, wishing, hoping, did nothing but hurt me as a person and friend. I have been in the almost same circumstances, and now instead of spending my time dreaming about Tyler, he is now right beside me, and we can dream about other things. You sound like you have a good relationship, and it sounds like your friend is very comfortable with / around you, the worst I can see happening is you become better friends, because now your both truthful, even if he is not into you, or guys in general.
careful, u might be overlooking everything. some guys are just a little more touchy-feely than others are.
Mate im in the EXACT same situation, only im a bit closer 2 my friend (i've known him for about 3 years now) and i still havn't come out to him! I think that he could be gay cause he's all physical and a bit stereotypical and all, so im really trying hard to build up the courage to come out to him. I really value his friendship and don't want to loose him. I think it's best to come out to him, and if he is gay and lykes you he will most likely seize the opportunity to come out to you, and only then you should tell him that you like him. Its the best way to do it without endangering your friendship. Yeah so do as i say and not as i do (one of these days im gunna bite the bullet!)
Thanks everyone for the advice! i saw him thursday night and afterwards one of my friends who is really flamy gay (but wont have anything to do with me dating-wise) told me it was pretty obvious i had been flirting with the other guy (here forth known as guy B) and since guy B didnt like back away or anything maybe maybe... anyways im getting my hopes up so im going to go dunk them in a pool so thanks again and cya'll later! i
It could have a lot to do with culture too. It's normal for some people (Hispanics, Italians) to touch more than Americans do, and it symbolizes closeness or admiration, not attraction. My best friends and I kiss as a greeting or parting, for example, and arms around the shoulders is very normal.
Ohhh i'm in the same situation lol IT SUCKS lol Cept the person in my situation has only been here for about a month...But we have already become really close friends and we always make jokes bout like being gay and "Datin each other" and we have even held hands before as "a joke" but i'm sure if he really is gay because sometimes he says things like he is trying to tell me he is not gay and others that he is gay! I really want to know...I don't know how i feel about coming out to him because i've only come out to 2 people before and i trust them like SO MUCH. And it was only TODAY! LOL! But ya, i know how you feel and you just want to know if he is or not so you can go on with your life whatever the answer is!
So... how did it go? Anyway, I would say if you've only been friends with him for like a month, why're you afraid of losing his friendship? I mean, that's assuming you would, but even if you did, it doesn't seem to me it would be a huge loss. It would be different if you guys had a pretty well-established relationship but if you've only known someone for a month, I think if they suddenly stop being a part of your life it's not that big a thing to get over.
When he had his hand on my stomach, I would be like, "you know, I'm gay. What about you?" The last few days when I've been meeting people I've been telling them I'm gay, I figure what the hell, I'm coming out anyways. They've all been cool with it, and there's even a gay guy in my neighborhood (YES!). So I'd say make your move and just tell him as a friend that you're gay and want to know if he is and see how he reacts.
here this should help:http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1929 it was kind of the same situation
grr. Im in the same exact place with one of my friends. I soo want to tell him, but dont want to loose his friendship. I think he probably already knows, but im not shure. I dont want to loose him. When do you think is a good time to tell him?
hey all so yeah, i know its been forever and a day since i posted here so oh well. okay (sorta) newish problem. im going out (sorta) with a fabulous guy who loves me and who i love. problem: he lives in uraguay (Fred if i mispelled it, kick me) soooo my friend ( i believe i was calling him guy B?) and i have been hanging out a bit more and i've been finding out more about him and it turns out that everyone who sees us knows we're flirting and anyways it turns out he lives with his step mom AND step dad and has never met his real dad and yeah. anywho, he doesnt like his step mom and so he's been kinda making it clear lately. but she's at a point where she said that if he doesnt straighten up, he's getting kicked out! and he has a place with his (real) mum, but shes like hours away in a different state! so my mom told me that i need to talk to him and try to talk some sense into him. and so im going to, but does anyone have any ideas how i should do this? i dont want to just say, "you should straighten up cause your mom might give you the boot and i dont want to leave because i have a crush on you" and then comes the part of i dont want my bf to think im cheating or anything cause im not, but its still sorta how i feel a bit. i do have a crush on him and he is closer to home, but i love my bf more... what do i do now?? and hun, i know your probles gonna read this tonight when you get home, so we'll talk about it then hopefully okay? it looks like its gonna storm so i hope we dont loose power... anywho, thanks again to everyone here for everything you all do. cya i
There's nothing wrong with having a crush on someone else, you can't control your emotions and I'm sure your BF will understand and appreciate that. Of course if you acted on those feelings it would be a different matter... I know it's hard, but I suggest you have a serious think about what you want from a relationship at the moment, and who will be able to give that to you. I'm sure you'll come to the right decision, and remember you have to decide for yourself who you want to be with.
It's much more tactful to check out your common interests with a friend who you have a romantic interest in. Check out his reactions to the things you like as you casually include some obvious gay choices (such as recording artists, writers, etc.). You'll find your conversation about your commonalities will lead to the proper situation to express yourself. Peace and much love!
