When and How Should I Come Out?

Your thread has only been up for an hour; give it time.

It's great that you have your mother's support! Having such a close ally in your family should be a huge relief. With that said, if you are legitimately fearful of how your dad will respond, what do you hope to accomplish by coming out to him right now? It seems to me that since you know your mom has your back it might be better to just come out to the people who you know will love and support you. If your dad finds out on his own, deal with it then. Or maybe it would be better to have your mom tell him when you're not around, I don't know. Just don't feel that you absolutely have to initiate confrontation in order to be yourself.

 

Come out when your dad is calm and has time to listen, bring up an LGBT topic first, see his eaction, give him the news. Best of luck!

 

I wouldn't suggest having your mom tell you dad. Your dad deserves more than that, and I think he will take your more seriously/ see you are mature for talking to him "like a man". Not saying you need to support that stereotype particularly, but it's something your dad would understand and relate to, and appreciate.

Since you aren't out except to mom, I think doing it during the party would be appropriate and/or awkward. After the party guests have left, hopefully your dad will be in a relaxed and happy mood. Tell him there is something you need to talk to him about. Sit in an area where you and him (and maybe mom) can all sit pretty close together, without a huge table in between. Just chillin' on the biggest couch or what have you.

The wording from here is where it gets tricky and awkward, since we don't know your dad. Some say to start with mentioning a gay person from the tv etc to start, but I think it's too late for that. If you were goiggoing to do that, you'd better to do that like ASAP and just get a quick reaction and move on till the big day.

but once you've got him sat down, you just have to bite the bullet.

 

I wouldn't do it at the birthday party. The situation is unpredictable, it could ruin things for you, and I would show him more respect. you've already got your mom in your corner, which is a great thing. I would definitely have mom present, and would have a "break away" plan if he does flip out. Like, if he starts bouncing off the walls, be near a door that you can just run out and go to a safe place. have a phone in your pocket as well. and prepare that safe place by telling someone there that you may need to come running to them at a specific time. but having your mom there and on your side makes all the difference in the world