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Dating help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by shyguyww, Nov 27, 2014.

  1. shyguyww

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    So I've recently made progress on accepting myself, not much, but still progress. I recently moved out of my parents and it makes stuff easier in a way. I'm not out yet, just because I feel I need to make sure I like guys first. So I'm 25, and live the "straight" life, but am not enjoying it as much any more. So I've been on ****** for a while, but must guys just seem to want to have sex out of the gate, which is not currently my thing. I mean, I do want to try it, but I not really sure if meeting a stranger for casual sex at his place is my best option. Should I propose meeting for beers and take it from there? Should I just meet quickly? How safe is it? I want to hear your experience. What do you recommend? Is ####### a bad idea? Please comment! I've gotten really good advice from here before. Thanks!!
     
    #1 shyguyww, Nov 27, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 27, 2014
  2. lb41974

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    shyguyww, I want to tell you something very very important and I am not trying to scare you but I have to tell you this . Please be very careful .I had been talking to a guy for a little while and we meet in a public place and talked for a while the place got noisy and busy we decided to leave and go to his hotel room . Well short version is he raped and beat me really bad ! So please be careful and take your time !! I am not saying not to meet people I am only saying please be careful ! I would definitely stay in a public place for a while . This my opinion that is all . I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you find your soul mate !
     
  3. shyguyww

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    Thanks for the advice. I'm sorry that happened to you. Did he seem ok the whole time you guys were in public?
     
  4. mangotree

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    Hey shyguyww,

    G***r isn't a bad idea, but it's not a very good idea either. It can get quite addictive and the people on it can kind of mess with your self-esteem/self-confidence if you let them. (just going by the fact that you say you're a shyguy).

    If you don't want to do the whole casual sex thing, don't.
    Going against your personal standards and morals will only end with you feeing guilty.

    If you decide to meet up with someone: Always meet in public and (in my opinion) don't go home with them after the first "date".
    Offering to catch up for a beer is a good idea, but with that particular app - you could expect to have your offer turned down regularly or have guys stand you up (just from my experience) - and if that happens - try not to take it personally - it's just the nature of the online dating game unfortunately.
    As always, if they do meet you for beer/coffee etc... and something doesn't feel right, trust your instinct.

    Patience is a virtue.
    If he's in a rush to take you home quickly, he's probably not the kind of guy you're after at the moment.
    Only do things that you're comfortable with, when you're comfortable them.

    I've met dozens of people online over the years, and yeah I've met some weirdos, but I've also made some good friends and on a couple of occasions - short term relationships (which later turned into close friendships).

    Sorry, this is all a bit of a mish-mash.

    @lb41974 I'm also very sorry to hear that you had that experience too.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    Some very sound and valuable advice from lb41974 about meeting and trusting people too soon and Mangotree about the ups and downs of online dating. I concur with both.

    I think the key thing is to know your boundaries and limits and stick to them like glue. If you don't want to hook up for sex on the first date be prepared to say no, even if the guy is (or appears to be) really hot. Sex is all good and fun, but it only lasts for a short time, then it's over.. only a memory. Damage to your self esteem lasts much longer and stays with you, so if it doesn't feel right for you, don't do it.
     
  6. lb41974

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    shyguyww ,to answer your question yes he seemed very nice and cool the whole time. One second everything was awesome !! I blinked and it all went south :frowning2: .Thank you
    mangotree that means a lot to me .I am not trying to discourage you in any way so please don't think that I am only trying to warn you to please be careful .I use to think that will never happen to me I am a guy and that just does not happen . That is so incorrect !!!!! It can happen to anyone and I tell you this that I would not wish this on anybody not even my worse enemy . This is traumatic to say the least .So I leave you with this . Have the most enjoyable day and I wish you all the best of luck and may you find your soul mate and live happy ever after :slight_smile:
     
  7. OnTheHighway

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    Be honest about your expectations whichever app you use. And try different apps. You will find different people on different apps, one glove does not fit all.

    In addition to what others have said, try to get to know the other person before agreeing to get together. Text with the other person for a bit, don't worry if they loose patience, if they do, move on. Meeting first is a good idea.

    Be prepared for a lot of rejection, but do not take it personally. It's all part of due course when talking with others online.

    If your honest about what your looking for, transparent about what type of person you are, I do believe you can find friends and build real relationships. It takes time, and there are a few land mines in the way, but all manageable if your diligent and prudent.
     
  8. shyguyww

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    great advice, thanks!

    ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2014 at 05:38 PM ----------

    thank you very much!