Good Friend: "While you're away, don't be afraid to experiment." Me: Oh sh*t, how does he know I fantasize about girls? And that's when I realized that I just might be bisexual. That was my big 'AHA' moment where I made the connection to the stomach butterflies at sleep overs. That was a little over a year ago and I'm still questioning. I have had multiple crushes on both males and females all throughout my life. So I guess I would consider myself bisexual. The thing is that I don't really believe that I'm bisexual. When I was in "sexual discovery" mode, bisexuality was the new "it" thing to do at my highschool. Everyone and their dogs were trying it out, getting tired of it and returning to the "straight" side of the fence. I didn't come out then; I would have been jumping on the bandwagon, according to my friends and myself. Yet there still was that tingly feeling when my hand accidentally touched my good girlfriend's hand. Or the nervousness when a friend at a party started playfully hitting on me. Now, I still feel that if I come out as being bisexual, I'll be seen as a bandwagon jumper. And what if I am? What if I have only been questioning my sexuality because the media has made it so popular to do? What if I wake up one day and I'm in a relationship with a woman and think to myself, "Maybe I really do only like men." What if, like my dad thinks, this really is just a phase? I'm scared that I'm wrong about this whole bisexuality issue. Afterall, I haven't even gone with a girl before. I can't really just grab any ol' lesbian and be like, "Wanna help me figure out my sexuality?" I do not want to come out, because I'm unsure. But honestly, this is keeping me up at night. Sorry if this didn't make any sense. It's the lack of sleep, I tell ya!:icon_bigg
I understand what you are going through. You shouldn't care what other's think if you really are bi and come out. But do you think you are bi because everyone else is/was? I think you really need to search your soul for the answers to some of your questions. But when I was confused my bestfriend asked me a question. I know this might be a wierd question to ask, but who do you think about when you masturbate. Girls, Boys, or both? I hope this helps.
Something similar happened a couple of years back when I was first questioning my sexuality. A more popular friend of mine went around telling everyone she was bisexual, and the whole bandwagon thing started-- a bunch of her friends started experimenting and what not. Today all of them identify as straight and say it was just a "phase" they had gone through. I was confused at the time, in denial, and thinking maybe I only had begun to consider the possibility of me being a lesbian because of all the hype that was going on (though in reality, I had subconsciously known for quite awhile, but had just never accepted it). The only advice I can offer in this situation is to look inside yourself to figure out your sexuality, not around you. :newcolor:
LOL I disagree, depending on how you ask that... :icon_wink But in all seriousness, bisexuality was a trend for a while, and it's probably natural to think that your feelings are just a reaction to the trend. It'll come in time, I guarantee it. I'd say just to wait it out and not make any sort of final "decision". Whenever people ask me questions like this, I refer back to Shane from The L Word... "Sexuality is fluid whether your gay, straight, or bisexual you just go with the flow."
Geez, where was all this "trendy bisexuality" when I was in high school? It's kinda weird, actually. In my day, we were terrified of being different. We wore similar clothes because we didn't want to be ostracized. Now here you are, scared of being the same (or at least appearing as such). Oddly, the same advice applies in both cases. "They" - when that means everyone outside your immediate circle - don't matter. If people think you're enjoying the company of other women because "that's what's hip", so be it. Let them think that. These self-same "they" probably think other things about you based on your clothes, your friends, etc. They're not worth spending any time thinking about. >>>I can't really just grab any ol' lesbian and be like, "Wanna help me figure out my sexuality?" Wanna bet? Lex
I agree with Lex on this it doesn't matter what other people think, but will add that if it's not just that you're worried what they'll say and are also worried that what your feeling may be caused by "the trend", do this: Close your eyes, imagine that for a week, you can be anyone you want and the next week, no one will remember, good or bad, what you said, what you did, or who you were. Who would you be for that week? It's not as easy as that, but I believe thinking in those terms will get you closer to self discovery. We're all influenced in some way by those around us, for good and for bad, but sometimes, you just have to try and take yourself out of that to really find yourself. If you're honest with yourself, I don't think you'll get that far into a relationship without realizing it's a mistake. Good advice for any relationship (same or opposite sex) is to know yourself before getting involved with someone else. If you do that, you'll know better what you want, and you'll be more successful.
Right now you're confused, and that's ok. I thought for a long time that I had to choose between being straight and gay, and that's what kept me awake at night. Don't feel like you have to label yourself or choose, just see what works for you. I think in a way people are always scared about the whole "what if this really is a phase" thing because especially with bisexuality (but being gay/lesbian too) you might not always be accepted not only in the straight world, but the queer world too. And don't worry about never having been with a girl before. To be honest, I've never been with a guy but I know that I'm attracted to them. You don't necessarily have to have a sexual experience with a gender to be attracted to that gender. Try throwing them against the wall by their belt straps. HOTT :icon_wink
I think I'm in a similar boat. Am I actually bisexual? Is this just me thinking that I am because it's the in thing? Am I actually a lesbian? Am I actually straight? I don't really have any advice except it's okay to be confused.
Thanks for all the advice, guys. I can't say it really helped define anything clear in my mind, but I figure I'll just wait it out. Eventually, things should unfogify themselves. On a more exciting note, I'm going to a party/hoedown next week with some good friends. It is being hosted by my university's queer support group and I think it will be a good time (or at least a break from midterms). Also, interesting to note, my horoscope today reads: " A sudden change of heart may allow you to see things more clearly today, yet it could still be hard to accept this new perspective. You are still being led by your idealistic hopes and even a sobering wake-up call cannot destroy your beautiful illusions. Accepting the truth doesn't mean letting go of your dreams." It's particularly relevant, wouldn't you say?
