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Coming out to yourself- how do you accept your sexuality?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BettyBoopGuido, Nov 29, 2014.

  1. BettyBoopGuido

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    Hi all.
    I came out as a lesbian and then realized that I am bi...however, there isn't a chance right now of me coming out to my family...the first time I came out to my mom it was awful. She thought that It was a phase and that my best reins at the time was pressuring me and then told me she didn't want to hear about it and since then when something about being gay comes up either on tv or something, it gets awkward and then if she talks about her boss who is openly gay, the comments are about "his partner, or whatever" and I try to correct her and that doesn't work. And add to that the comments from my brother and sister in law about how they don't want to see gay people kissing or whatever, makes me not want to share this. We don't talk about me dating or not dating, in fact, I keep the fact that my crush and I are texting to myself...

    I could share this, but honestly, I don't see it being the time to as we have done this and I am stuck at home and if it ended badly, my mom would just basically side with them and I don't need that right now. Plus, I am working on fully accepting it.. I do know how I feel and who I like and am slowly becoming okay with it... Right now I am Just working on accepting myself, even though it seems like it's taking forever...

    Right now I am working on a lot of personal growth and that includes my accepting being bi and I feel as though this could be a hurdle I need to work on to explore what could happen with the guy that I like... It is obvious we like each other, but we haven't talked about it and I don't know how I could come out to him when I am having trouble coming out to myself...

    Advice please?
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    To summarize, the title of the post reflects a discussion on coming out to yourself and accepting your sexuality, you then go on to say how you came out as a lesbian but got a bad reaction from family, whereas you then proceed to say you now think you bisexual and have a boyfriend that you may want to come out to.

    The first think that comes to my mind when I read your post, I wonder if you have only contemplated being bisexual because of the negative reaction you received when you came out as a lesbian. You suggest your struggling to decide if you are a bisexual, and I can certainly understand, given what you reflect, why you might be considering it rather than accepting being a lesbian.

    At no point do you actually discuss your attraction to your boyfriend.

    So, my question back to you is if you would mind better explaining how you feel about your boyfriend, what he means to you and what you perceive your attraction to him is?
     
  3. danielo21

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    if your brother and his wife don't like gay or bi people, then they put a blindfold on their eyes, but you shouldn't let ANYONE telling you how to live your live. Your mother is in denial. Don't let her to negate your identity and your feelings, and the least important thing here is whatever your gay,bi, or anything. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.

    I don't know about your beliefs, but i think we only live once. I accepted myself when I realized this.I have one life to be happy, and I can't afford to waste more time worried about others opinions, doesn't matter if they love me or not.
     
    #3 danielo21, Nov 30, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2014
  4. BettyBoopGuido

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    Wow, this is sooo true and has given me a lot to think about. There was a time when I didnt. Care about what other people thought and then it all changed and here I am. When we are over there it's all about my brother and I feel invisible sometimes and it makes me not want to share anything about being bi or any relationship I have. I do try to do my own thing and keep certain things to myself. A lot of the time I feel soo different from the rest of my family over there that it drives me crazy...

    I had never thought of it as we only live once and I like that! I also am working on developing my spirituality and doing more of what I want. I think I need to go back to putting myself first and doing what I want and not caring what other people, even my brother etc, thinks...
     
  5. Treevine

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    My advise to you is Live Life! and don't worry so much about being bi or not but just FEEL!. Let yourself Feel your feelings and live. If you like a boy now then just run with the flow and later on if it's starting to get serious let him know what you've been feeling and what's been on your mind at that moment and time. If he really loves you he'll except you as you are plus most straight guys don't mind a bi chick. Many see it as sexy.
    I should take my own advice :slight_smile: lol.
     
  6. BettyBoopGuido

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    Lol... This is definitely what I need to do...i think he is very accepting... He is devout Christian and it hasn't come up what I believe or not, cause I am not a devout Christian, but more spiritual and we have never talked about it, but it doesn't seem like it would be a problem....
     
  7. Treevine

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    Good luck
    Trust all will turn out well.
    Christians can be flexible too. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Deuterium

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    As for accepting yourself: just realize that nobody else can accept who you truly are if you don't. Just know that it can be your little secret for as long as you need it to be. Accepting yourself is a major step, and you'll be so much happier if you can have open thoughts with yourself without trying to shoot yourself down. If you get what I'm trying to say, lol.
     
  9. BettyBoopGuido

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    I definitely get what you are saying:slight_smile: this is one thing I need to remind myself of. I am working on accepting myself and do plan on keeping it secret until I find it's the time to let people know....