Ok, so basically I'm completely and utterly chicken about the whole issue of coming out to my parents. I've been out to all my closest friends since I was about 19-20ish, and was very lucky in that they were incredibly supportive (actually, my 3 closest friends are 3 gay men!). However, it's a whole other kettle of fish with regard to my parents! I'm back living at home for the sake of saving money while I complete the final year of my degree, and I'm worried that if I do say something now that it'll make the rest of this academic year really awkward. I think my sister (who is 15) may already suspect something, I think she's noticed the rainbow beads on my keys and has also wondered why I haven't brought home a boyfriend at the age of 24. She hasn't said anything though. I'm really not sure if my parents suspect anything, but I'm so sick of not being able to be completely honest with them. I know the longer I go without saying anything the more annoying it'll get for me, but it's already been about 8 years since I realised I wasn't straight so part of me thinks "what's a few more months, then I'll be out of the house again". Sometimes I don't know why I worry so much, it's not even like I have crazy Catholic parents (my dad is an atheist, my mum is a very liberal Christian) - being honest I'm almost worried that my mum will say "why did it take you so long to tell us?". I do feel though that I'll have to say something soon, especially as some older relatives are starting to ask awkward questions about marriage and babies. So - any advice?
The age old advice for coming out is still the best advice I can give you. Come out when you're ready and you feel you can handle them knowing while factoring in any repercussions it might have in your life. If you feel that it would severely effect your final year before getting your degree, then by all means get the degree first. Your sexuality is but a small part of your whole person, really. And it's not a race to get to any imaginary finish line either. I was very much in the same shoes you were two years ago. I didn't tell my parents until I was 25 (which I think will be the same age for you if you wait until next year). There is nothing wrong with waiting until you're completely ready. If you feel an overwhelming urge to just get it out, then do it. It might actually make your final year go -easier- knowing that you aren't holding in secrets from those you love. But in the end, it really just depends on what you think is best for you. Coming out is something you do for yourself as much as it is for others.
Hi there! Coming out to parents is a difficult thing to do. In fact, it might very well be the hardest thing we face. It's okay to feel scared and worried. The important thing here is that you have to feel ready. Ask yourself: "Am I ready for my parents to know?" If the answer is yes, then start thinking about how and when to approach them. If however on the other hand you feel it would be better to wait, maybe you could come out to them after you have finished the academic year. Do you have an idea as to how your parents might react? Did they ever comment on the subject? From what you have written, you have left some clues already such as the rainbow beads. The chances that your parents will see it or have seen it are there. Also, and yes the lack of a boyfriend can be a clue as well. When it comes to your sister, given that you think that she might suspect already something, would you feel comfortable in coming out to her and let her know that you want to be the one to tell this to your parents? But again, and even though there are some clues from which your sister or parents might have picked up something, go according what feels right for you. If you feel that you are not ready to come out to your family members, you don't have to. You have to feel comfortable with it. I hope this helps a bit.
My mum would *probably* be ok with it, though things might be a bit weird for a while. Don't know how my dad would react - but my 21 year old brother is incredibly homophobic. I'm kinda caught between wanting to be completely open and honest with my family and trying to avoid awkwardness to the best of my ability. My sister is the biggest gossip on the face of the planet - I can guarantee that if she knew for definite that I'm a big queer that both sides of the family and friends of hers in three counties would know within about half an hour. She couldn't keep a secret if she was paid, though then again most 15 year old girls are like that!
Hi there! Often parents do go through an adjustment period. Parents have their own dreams for their children in which they firmly believe in and it can take some time for your parents to get used to it. It is also the case that at times family members who have homophobic views change upon learning that one family member is part of the GLBT community. Different outcomes are possible however. One of your worries that you have mentioned in regards to your mom's reaction "why did it take you so long to tell us?" might be an indication that you feel that she would take it well and be supportive. If you feel that your mom would be 'ok' with it, then maybe you could think about whether it would be a good idea to come out to her first and then take it slowly from there. The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you are ready to face the possible reactions that you could get. Ask yourself, "would I be ready to deal with the temporary awkwardness that could exists between mom or my parents/family and myself?" Again, if you are unsure, or feel uneasy about it, wait with coming out to your family. You have to decide for yourself, what would be best. Remember, that you do not have to come out when you do not feel ready and comfortable at this stage. There is no rush. Take your time. I hope this helps.
Another tactic you might consider - act like everybody already knows. After all, you're 24. You haven't had a boyfriend (or presumably shown much interest in guys in general) for as long back as they can remember. They're probably at least very suspicious by this point. So you might try just acting like they all know. Don't worry about hiding anything. If you meet a girl, let them know. If your parents ask why you're not dating, just shrug and say "Haven't found the right girl yet." If you treat it that way, it may avoid any big "scene". Lex
