(Note: I apologize for spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and general nonsensicalness in advance. Thanks!) Hey! I'm TC. (Real name Nate, but I prefer being called TC, lol.) Long time lurker, first time poster. So, I s'pose I should warn you all that this post really has no point and is just me saying things I've needed to have real people hear and react to. I mean, my dog knows most of the following, but hey, he was probably a little too preoccupied with licking himself to actually listen to me... I'm very much sure of what I am, (which, here's a hint: isn't straight) but the fact that I'm keeping it a secret is having effects on my wellbeing. Like, I often feel like when I'm in a social situation (or any situation at all) that I'm not there and the people all around me aren't there. I feel disconnected from myself is what I mean. But this feeling comes and goes, and I'm pretty sure it's not a mental illness thing...just me being a wierdo haha. So, when I couldn't take bearing the secret anymore, I got on my Yahoo and told a friend. Who I don't actually ever see in real life. She sort of lives in New Hampshire. Anyways, I told her and I felt so much better. For a day. And then my whole world was just filled with awkwardness. I cringed everytime I thought back on that conversation I had with her. She didn't care and was totally supportive and stuff, of course, and it was great to be honest with someone at the time. You see, it used to be something I could ignore. Something I could pretend wasn't real. And then I told her, and it became real. Something I couldn't simply shake off when I thought about it. But now she knows and stuff and pretty soon I got to feeling disconnected again. And I feel the strong urge to tell my best friends. (We'll call them Liz, Renee, Stumpy, and Christopher.) Buut, I have some problems with that. One, when I think of telling Liz, I just get this wierd feeling in my stomach. Like it just wouldn't be worth telling her. I know it wouldn't change her opinion of me (she is very homo-friendly and I think she's a lesbo) but I dunno... Plus I think she'd tell people. I feel like it would be fun to tell Renee. She'd be able to keep it a secret fo' sho and it'd probably make us better friends. Stumpy and Christopher are homophobes. If I told them it'd probably get around the school. Which would suck. And not be good whatsoever. It'd just be a world of bad! I have more problems but I'll stop here, as you're probably all sick of me already and it's only my first post, LOL. Well, thanks for reading! - TC
Hi TC and welcome to EC! If you've been lurking here for a while, you know there are several people here that understand what you're going through, and they're very helpful and supportive. While I'm not the best person for advice here, I will say that anytime you're conciously not being yourself, you'll feel disconnected. It's natural and definitely not something that is wrong with you. If it makes you a wierdo, sign me up too.
Hi Nate! Welcome to EC! You have come to the right place. The feelings that you are experiencing are normal. In fact most of us, if not all, experience and go through these kinds of feelings. You have learned how to protect yourself, and that is by not saying too much to others in the fear of saying something that could give your 'secret' away. It is very common. Now you have started to change that. You have started to step out of that comfort zone. Coming out to someone for the first time can be exciting, provide some relief and bring on some worries at the same time, because you have let go of something that you kept inside of you for a long time. It is something which will take a bit of time to get used to. As you continue down the path of your journey you will become more comfortable with the idea of other people knowing. Even though you hardly see your friend to whom you have come out to, she has become an important part of your support network that you have started to build. Congratulations on coming out to her! Now, as for coming out to your best friends, take it slow. Remember that you have to feel ready and comfortable with it. I think you are approaching it in the right way by thinking about a) who would be supportive and accepting and b) who do you trust the most in entrusting this. It sounds like you have a potential friend who you could tell and who would be supportive. If you think you are ready and you can't keep it a secret any longer, then maybe wait for the right opportunity and try it. Also, even if you think it wouldn't be worth telling your friends, it still might be better if they know (that is if you feel that you can trust them and they are supportive and accepting) because the more people you have around you that know and are supportive the stronger your support network will be. As for your homophobic friends, if you can, don't come out to them at this stage. Always ask yourself if I tell someone, what kind of consequences could there be. I think it is important that you do have a few good experiences at first which will allow you to build up your confidence and become even more comfortable with yourself. I hope this helps a bit. And do let us know if you need more help. This is what we are here fore. Post as much and as many times you want and need to. :icon_wink
Hi Nate - and welcome. From what you've said - I'd start with Renee. See how that goes then gradually work your way around to other friends. If you go with the ones you are pretty sure are gonna be accepting/discreet - well, when you get to the ones that might be less so - hey, you already have a support base (so, if they do react negatively, you can say "'well, my other good friends didn't have a problem with it"- so I guess that means you have the problem rather than me'. OK - so I may be simplifying somewhat - but definitely work out who you know is more likely to be 'good' to come out to and start with them.
