So I'm sitting here at work reading all these coming out stories and I've come to a conclusion....I want one too. So that being said I have come up with a deadline. I am giving myself one week to come out to my brother no matter what. I'm not really worried about him accepting me its just been very difficult to even bring up the issue. I don't think he has a problem with my being gay its just very hard to communicate. We're close but it seems when it comes to talking about anything deeply personal its a complete shut-out. I think in some capacity he knows...but just wont bring it up. I don't hide that I'm not a stereotypical guy. I love broadway, chick flicks, fashion, and if I do say so myself I'm a little out there. I'm not a fan at all of stereotypes, but lets admit it, they exist. And if he's following the gay one I've pretty much screamed it at him silently. The same goes for my dad, he's the exact same way. It seems that ever since we lost my mom about 2 years ago to cancer things have just shut down. We used to be very open to each other and lived a completely open life. My mom even asked me when I was 12 if I was gay. Of course being so young I didnt have the slightest clue to what that was. She explained it all to me and at that time I said no. I wish then that I wouldve said yes...but theres nothing I can do about that now. Anyways, the past 2 years have been a blur of emotional abandonment. So, now with me starting school a few thousand miles away starting in september I think its time for me to live exactly how I want to and not in secret. Here's the Issue- I have no idea how to even bring it up. I dont know when the right time will be, I dont know what to say or how to say it. I was thinking of writing a letter but in all honesty thats just not me. So I'm stumped. I think if there was a way to get the ball rolling so to speak I could finish it off. So thats why I'm writing this. I need you guy's and gal's help. I need suggestions on how to start it without saying it ( if that makes any sense). I honestly didnt mean to write sooo much, but its the first time I've actually said or(typed, lol) to anyone. Thanx in advance for reading this and all ur help. I have one week
Saying it really IS the hard part. I JUST came out to a few people, less than a week ago, and I still don't think I have said the words. I used..."I'm not straight..." Maybe that is partly because I don't know anything beyond that. As far as how to bridge the subject: Carefully? I took one of my friends out for coffee, where I had intended to tell him, and...didn't. Then we went for a long walk in th rain where I promised myself I would tell him and...still didn't. Finally, on our way back to the car, I just started with..."You know, I actually made you come out here for a reason..." Any normal human being will be curious after that, and press for details. But it took me four hours of mental wondering before I could finally turn off my brain and say just that much. The rest of it was alot easier, because I didn't have a choice but to tell him. I was fortunate with one of my other friends, as not five minutes after I had told one friend, another from across the planet asked me if I was gay...Well, that was easy. So I don't know if that helps... But all I can say is that is what worked for me. Good luck! (*hug*)
I like to tell people in advance that I'd like to talk to them about something. Cuz how often do you do that? But its easy to say, isn't it? Then you've kind of set yourself up - they know something is coming - so it isn't so COMPLETELY out of the blue. I'm not out - but telling my parents that my marriage was ending was also really hard. In a sense it carried a lot of the same emotions - including having to accept it yourself before you can start to tell others. Anyway, I called them to tell them that I was coming over to drop something off that I had borrowed. They asked if i was bringing the kids, and I said I was coming alone. So I was making this special trip to return something that they didn't need back, and I wasn't bringing their grandchildren for the ride to visit... They wouldn't even let me take my shoes or coat off - they wanted to know what was wrong. So - that might be a way of doing it - much like how Teebe described her experience. Regardless - good luck. I hope you are met with the love and acceptance that you're hoping for. (That we're all hoping for!)
That's a really good idea. It sets the scene in advance, and it makes it more difficult for you to not do it when the time comes.
Yeah, that's how I did it! I almost couldn't make myself say it, but I bridged into it by saying, "there's something I really have to tell you." It took me several minuites to get it out, but like TeeBe said, once you start it like that, it's a great way to prod yourself into saying it ^^
well I wrote a letter but you said that wasn't for you so I will just say this one day you will have that moment where all the sudden you think its now or never I'm telling them and you'll do it no matter how you decide to do it you will worry and think about it until you just do it and when you finally tell them you will feel really good about it. it really is the best high good luck!!! Sam
I think the other posts here have pretty much been on the money. Find a situation where you and your brother have some privacy, and start with something like, "Can we talk? I have something I need to tell you." Like everyone else said, that pretty much gets the ball rolling. And, even if you start to choke, there will likely be some gentle prodding to help you along. From your end, it's probably going to be hard. My first time coming out was hard. Some things I would recommend would be to prepare for any sort of counter-statements your brother might make (i.e. "Are you sure," "It's probably a phase," "It's sinful," et cetera), and be ready to explain yourself, as in how you got to the point of coming out. To someone you're coming out to, it's more likely than not that they will believe it is a sudden change. So, in my view, it's worth being ready to support the statement of "I'm gay" with some backstory as to how you got there. In my case, it was, "I've done a lot of prayerful soul-searching, and I've finally accepted something that's been there for a long time. I'm gay." Essentially, the more you know, the more confident you'll be if things go wrong and you need to think on your feet. It's your show, so make sure you are the one calling the shots. I'm sure you'll do great, so I wish you the best of luck and the blessings of our Lord as you undertake this great endeavor. I fully expect to see a story from you in a couple of weeks! :icon_wink
Sorry its taken me so long to respond...but in the past week some major things have been happening to me. I have some good news to report though (yay!). So even though I gave myself one week to come out to my brother I just couldnt bring myself to do it... major bummer...but I did come out to 2 people. My best guy friend and my cousin. My cousin and I were just hanging out friday night. We went bowling with some of my friends and just had a nice outing. On the way home I decided to just bite the bullet and tell him. First reaction by him- "Umm..ok" which kinda freaked me out because he's usually so chatty...so for him to only say 2 words didnt sit well with me. Cut to the next day.... He called me and told me he was totally cool with it. I was so relieved. We resumed our normal behaivor..the banter we usually do, etc. By the end of the conversation I felt like all was well. He called me back about 2 mins later and blurted "I'm Bi !" My first reaction- "Umm..ok" After that he hung up and it feels like nothing ever changed. I feel better now that he knows because he's such a big part in my life. Now my best guy friend is the kinda guy I would categorize as a guys guy. He's into sports, beer bongs (lol), girls, anything the stereotypical college jock is into. He moved to New York right after high school and I havent seen him since but we've kept heavy contact. So to talk to him so often without telling him this major piece of me was really bothering me. Friday night we were on aim chatting like we usually do about mundane things. So heres the part that started it all Him- girlfriend? Me- girlfriend? Him- Yea, girlfriend Me- You have a new girlfriend? Him- lol, no...do you? Me- Do I what? ( Now as you can see I was playing it dumb, lol) Him- Do you have a girlfriend? Me- No Him- Why not? So thats when I told him. I explained to him that I wasnt into girls and never have been...He seemed very cool with it and even joked that he was wondering when he would get a gay friend, lol. So, as of right now all of my closest friends know that I'm gay and its like a breath of fresh air. I can only breathe for a short while though because I'm still very much closeted when it comes to the rest of my family. But I feel better having told 2 people. It just feels good. Thanks everyone for your suggestions..it really helped me out. 2 down..everyone else to go, lol
well done CJ man!!! Glad that the two people you have told so far have been really positive. Hopefully it'll continue to be that way for you... hope it stays on a high mate
Congratulations CJ, glad you had such a positive experience :eusa_clap . I had to laugh at the call from your cousin :eusa_danc . Very cool. Don't put so much pressure on yourself about telling your brother. It will happen when it's supposed to and will probably turn out to be completely harmless. Good luck. :smilewave
