Hello everyone. I've been having some issues that I believe need to be resolved. Any help is greatly appreciated. In the interests of not boring you, I'll refrain from giving you all the details of my life story. I'll simply jump ahead to the part that is relevant to this post. I was in a very serious relationship with an amazing boy for over 2 and 1/2 years. In my eyes, it was perfection. We loved spending time together, and hated being apart. We had everything in common, had similar aspirations and goals for the future, and we were friends since...well, birth. It all seemed to just fit together like a beautiful puzzle. However, near the end of the relationship, I slipped into a depression of sorts. I was having a lot of difficulty simply functioning in normal life. I'm not entirely sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but I had the ability to hide that depression from everyone. Except him. He could read me like a book. If anything was ever bothering me, he knew right away. And he would always work to resolve the issue. He hated seeing me upset. He was an amazing, caring boy. The problem is that I felt bad letting him know when I was upset. This is the part that is difficult for me to explain, so please bear with me. When I explained to him how I was feeling, I saw such concern and anxiety in his eyes. He was desperate to find a solution so that I could be happy again. I hated that because I felt that he didn't need to be sad just because I was. I felt that he shouldn't have to spend his time fixing my problems. Deep down, I appreciated it more than you'll know. So then I spent most of my time trying to fix myself. I dedicated almost every waking moment to pointing out, and solving, issues that plagued me. I was determined to solve the issue, and make both of us happy. I was busy fighting an inner battle, and slowly began pushing him away. I became distant and didn't see his feelings and emotions so easily. I grew to be preoccupied with other things. Essentially, I started to be very introverted. At this point in my life, I had a cloudy-mind and was generally disoriented on a persistent basis. I would change thoughts rapidly and get locked into loops where my mind would replay a single thought over and over for days at a time. This is known as rumination. (Negative cyclic thinking; persistent and recurrent worrying or brooding) It was later discovered that I suffer from what is known as Asperger's Syndrome. This is a psychiatric disorder characterized by impaired social relations and by repetitive patterns of behavior. By the way, I am mentally gifted and have an above-genius IQ. It is common for people like me to suffer from Asperger's Syndrome. (Michelangelo, Einstein, Socrates and Jane Austen - just to name a few.) Back to the topic! xD The relationship started breaking down rapidly. I'm sure you can figure out why. I soon after ended the relationship with this boy. It was the hardest thing that I have ever done. It literally tore me apart. I cried for days, and wished that I could go backwards in time and fix everything. We later tried getting back together, but I was still too unstable. I found myself often sending him messages over AIM or texting him, begging and pleading for his forgiveness, and attempting to convey my true feelings, and explain to him why I had broken up with him. (I think he understood, and that my explanations were unnecessary, but I don't know.) He and I still talk on a daily basis. We text and IM each other constantly. In case you hadn't gathered, I am currently entirely stable. (Well, as stable as a human being can be. :icon_wink) I fixed myself through sheer willpower and the support of my friends and family. I carried myself from the lowest places to the top of a mountain of success. I find myself thinking about him all the time. Almost every event, every smell, every song reminds me of him... It's been months and I haven't moved on. I kept all of the cards and presents he has ever given me. My room still holds things that he has made for me. I'll be honest with you - I love him. That's why I can't stop thinking about him. I believe that some people are meant to be together, and that him and I are such an example. So here's the point. I want to go out with him again. I want things to be how they used to, I want to go back to being his boyfriend, I want to go back to being able to express my love for him. I want to fall asleep at night with him in my arms, and wake up the same exact way. I just want him. Now here is where you come in! I need advice. What are your thoughts on the situation? What do you think I should do? If I decide to approach him and bring this all up, what do I say? How can I show him my true feelings? What do I need to do to jump over this last remaining obstacle connecting me to my past? I obviously want to get back with him - but what if he doesn't want the same thing...? Thanks a lot for taking the time to read my thread. It helps just getting this off my chest. =]
Hello there I just want to say that you're very lucky to have met someone who gives you such intense feelings. I think maybe you should let him read this post... I'm inexperienced with this stuff and perhaps a little too forward but it's a pretty amazing and intelligent post, and it sounds like he'd understand perfectly that you ended things to take the time to become healthy again (congratulations by the way! ) I don't know, I hope this helped in some way
im sorry that i cant help you out, but i was wondering if i could ask you how you discovered that you had aspergers. ive heard about it before and wondered if i had it because i think the same thing over and over and im not very good with social situations. last year i slipped into a depression and many days i couldnt bring myself to even get out of bed, let alone leave my house. i didnt care about anyone except myself until i realized one day how my feeling depressed hurt my best friend. i wouldnt talk to her about how bad it was, but she knew. i can try to hide things and even succeed in hiding them from myself but she knows anyway. she knew and accepted me liking guys before i did. she is the only person who helped me cling to my sanity and i owe her my life. enough about me though, my advice for you is to ask him what he feels, thats the only way you can know. best of luck
Meet up with him somewhere. Maybe somewhere special to you? as soon as you approach, look him deep in the eyes. and say exactly what you feel. "I love you. I was a fool to let you go." I would MELT if that happened to me.
What I think you should do Is give him a link to this thread and let him read this. Im pretty sure that would get the point across better then anything.
Do NOT let him go. That would be the thing you'd probably regret the most in your whole life. Bring him back. Tell him how much you miss him. Tell him how much you care for him and maybe whenever you have problems do your best to solve them TOGETHER with him. That way you won't push him away. BUT GET BACK!!! PLEASE!!!
i couldn't agree with Ojala and Gumtree more!!!! I think you should let him read what you wrote on here, as you have said you have apologized and said your sorry multiple times, i'm sure that he forgives you from the way you have described this great person who has taken great care to make sure your BOTH happy. You just need to follow that feeling that makes you think about him all the time, and just say you love him, no apologizing, or weeping speeches, just the simple words I LOVE YOU (Then you two can cry and laugh and go to lunch or something and just enjoy each other) P.S. you have no idea how lucky you are to have someone like that, if you lose him... i would probably cry my eyes out
repeat what pianomike said. then add this... if you are scared of the fact that he might not still have the same feelings for you. tell him hopw you think/let him read this. after that see what he says. he might just need more time. just like this was hard for you it was very hard for him. he loved you very much. i can tell that by the way he was constantly trying to help you. if he didnt love you he would have run with his tail between his legs at the first sign of trouble. if he needs more time keep talking to him like you do until you can mentally and emotionally prepare yourself to ask again. but seriously don't let this boy go. he sounds amazing and honestly i'm a little jealous you will regret it forever if you don't at least try your hardest to get him back. it's like my field hockey coach tells me. she tells me to do everything i can and leave everything on the field. that is all you can do. put all your effort into it and leave everything on the field. Hope that helped love
i agree, he sounds like a great guy, dont let him go without letting him know how you feel. i wish i could find someone like that, i guess im jealous too.
Well, I did what you all suggested. I sent him a link to this thread. Unfortunately, things did not go as I had anticipated. =[ He told me, "There is no future beyond what we presently have." When I asked if he wanted to get back together, maybe even in the future, he said no. I received the same response when I asked if he even wanted to consider the idea. I then asked if he had any feelings for me at all. His response, "Not at all." The moment I read that, my heart sank. I can't begin to describe the pain that statement put me through. A few minutes later, he said, "and truth be told, I'm not trying to get into another relationship with a guy." When I asked why he said, "because that's not who I want to be." Well, now I'm completely crushed since I know that there is no hope of him and I ever getting back together. I don't even have a maybe, now. Suggestions? ='[
Hey there. I am sorry to hear that it didn't work out. (*hug*) Although it will take a while to get over him, and to put this behind you, you will be able to move on. There are guys out there who will want to be with you. At least from the answer that he has provided you, it seems that he has some identity issues that he needs to resolve. In trying to overcome the pain and the feelings that you still have for him, maybe try to make some new friends. Maybe try joining a GLBT youth group either in school or in the community where you will have the opportunity to meet someone new people, and potentially some new friends. I hope this helps a bit.
Oh gosh... My heart kinda broke too when reading that.. Aww man... I'm really sorry.. But it seems as if my words here can't express how I feel right now.. I'm so sorry that it didn't work out the way you wanted it to.. What I can tell you though is that you should try to look on the bright side. Is there a bright side? Definitely! For one, at least you know that to have continued a relationship with him would have been pointless and would have ended up breaking your heart even further when he eventually tells you that he didn't have any feelings for you. Be thankful that he's at least honest with you. I would be, despite my broken heart. Still, I must ask though... What was his reaction? Was he totally emotionless? Because it sounds as if he was when speaking to you.. Oh man.. I hope that you're feeling at least slightly better now.. We're all here to show our care and concern if need be...
Thanks a lot, Asteroid. That's good advice! =] HighInTheClouds, you make a good point about the relationship eventually ending up being pointless. I suppose it is better for both him and I if we're not in a relationship, because I guess that's truly not what he wants. I just want him to be happy - and if moving on and finding someone else, even if it's a girl, makes him happy, then I'm glad for him. Yes, he did seem to be completely emotionless in his response. Why do you think that is? And thanks to both of you for your support. It's greatly appreciated. =]
Heh... Well.. Here's where my own sad story comes in... My mom... Ever since I've been adamant about just being me, she's been totally emotionless towards me. And it hurts a lot. Especially since she used to call me her darling and would always ask after me. Now, whenever we even talk, she just treats me like a business acquaintance she'd rather not speak to. You can't believe how much suffering this has caused me. And this has led me to form my own theory on the thing. I believe that it's because she just has so much difficulty dealing with it that she's just shut herself off from me. And she knows what she's doing. But I think that it's a sort of self-defense mechanism. Your friend MIGHT be doing the same thing. He knows how much it'll hurt you. And judging by how things have been (especially since he was so close to you), he's probably being hurt a lot by it too. And so he's purposely shutting his emotions up and walling himself in in an attempt for things not to be so bad. Just as Asteroid said, there's a possibility that he himself is trying to find out more about himself. Think about it, he's been in a relationship with you for so long. And now, this break has, whether he wanted to or not, perhaps gave him the opportunity to truly think about the relationship. He might be confused about a lot of issues. But if he ends up getting together with a girl and being happy, then you shouldn't feel bad. As you said, you'd feel happy for him (and congrats for being mature on that). And if he comes back to you, that's great too! Maybe he needs a lot more time to think and reflect. So I suppose it's up to you whether you want to just wait or move on. Here's where I can't provide much advice (as much as I'd like to). However, if it were me, I'd wait. For him at least to stop being so emotionless. As for my story... well... it seems to have take a turn. Yesterday, my mom smsed me, promising me that she'd change back to normal, just that I must give her time. She told me to wait and to talk to friends around my age in the meantime.. Sigh... Well.. I'm happy.. yet pained that this is going on. But as long as my mom is willing to change back, I'll wait. I'll wait... Hope that I at least helped! =)
Hey, sorry to interrupt the nice flowing conversation going on I just wanted to say how sorry I am about what happened, me being the first one to answer and say 'go for it!' and all... I feel bad. But, here are just some more of my thoughts: you did the best thing you could, you told him how you felt and did your part, and he just needs some time. When it comes to relationships and love, I think people tend to be wishy-washy, so just give him space and be a friend if that's what he wants, which you're already doing, it sounds, so why am I saying this? Anyway, I wish you all the best. @Highintheclouds: Wow, I just wanted to congratulate you for being really brave. I'm not out to my parents and i don't fear them kicking me out, but I do fear them being really cold, like you described, and just, wow, you're doing what I think I could never do... Oh, I love your signature (random, I know) Okay, that's all Peace
Haha. Thanks Ojala. Still... How I came out to my parents wasn't really an act of bravery of courage on my part. Somebody forced me to. Now that is a totally different story. Maybe I'll tell it to you some other time. =) But yeah.. I am glad actually that my parents do know about me. At least now I think that they're starting to come to terms with it. Heh... And as for EpsilonEridani, don't give up! Just remain his friend, because he seems to be the sort of person who is worth keeping as a friend, if not a lover.
A more optimistic perception of your situation. Many people believe in 'the one', other's believe in 'the few'. The criterion for a person to be 'your one', or 'one of them' is different for every person. The single factor that is common amongst all people is that they like/love you in return. If the person doesn't return your feelings, he isn't the right person. No loss.
i agree. i think that he cares for you so much that he doesnt want to hurt you and say no to you. but he also knows that he has to do whats right for him and he knows that if he show you emotion, he will do something that may not be right for him just so he doesnt hurt you. im glad youre being very mature about this, and i would suggest that you try to stay friends because he sounds like a good person.
