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Not sure what I want...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by berileos, Oct 12, 2008.

  1. berileos

    berileos Guest

    Eh...I have a best friend,and I've told her I'm gay about 3 months ago.We're friends for about 9 years.She's telling everything to me and I'm always ready to give her advice 'cause she's constantly in crush problems...but I think it can't apply oppositely...
    I never dare to start a topic about my feelings,my problems...it seems so awkward and uncomfortable,I think I would sound like a freak...and she never thought of asking me:icon_sad:
    I think our friendship is not that tough as it used to be...
    Any advice?
     
  2. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    Friendship is a two-way street. It is really unfair for your friend to always seek your advice when you can never ask her for advice. Even though she's not asking you, I think I would start with something small and ask her for some advice. It will let her know that you DO value her opinion as much as she values yours. Try to even up the friendship a little more. That way you are feeling less taken advantage of.
     
  3. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hey there. I think Becky has nailed it. Friendships are two way streets. As Becky said, if you ask for some advice/support you will give her the feeling that you trust her and value her opinions. By coming out to her you have already shown to her that you trust her. Also confiding in her, you are strengthening your friendship with her. Maybe the next time you see her, tell her about a problem that has been on your mind for a while and see what she says.

    I hope this helps a bit.
     
  4. Louise

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    You sound to me like you are a giver and not a taker. Asking people for help and advice is not an easy thing for a giver but you have to accept yourself for who you are, you can't be strong all the time and you don't have all the answers. Someone seeing your problem from another angle can often give very positive pertinent advice.

    Are you afraid of feeling vunerable when you have always been the solid supporting one in your friendship? Ask your friend simply if she can give you some advice, tell her that something has been troubling you and see what her reaction is to this request before jumping in and embarassing yourself.

    Once you have asked this person for help a few times it will become easier, but it will probably never be a natural thing for you because you want to be a strong self reliant person who doesn't put their burdens on others, except that that is what friends are for, sharing the good with the bad.
     
  5. Lexington

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    Well, I guess that all depends.

    >>>I never dare to start a topic about my feelings,my problems...it seems so awkward and uncomfortable,I think I would sound like a freak...and she never thought of asking me.

    Is it "awkward and uncomfortable" because she shuts you down each time you bring up your own feelings? Or are you just uncomfortable talking about your feelings? Because if you're just reluctant to bring up your own issues, she may just think you don't really have any. Yeah, if she actively MAKES it difficult to talk about you, then there's a major problem there. But if she simply doesn't ask, you might try bring it up, and asking her to listen and perhaps give you some advice.

    Lex