Hello all, Recently a close friend of mine came out to me that she was bisexual. It wasn't a complete surprise for me as I had gotten to know her for several years and have wondered about it but never pressed for any information. She's getting married to a mutual friend of ours, a straight man, and was worried about the fact that she's never experimented or "explored" her bisexuality as it was just something she came to terms with recently by herself the last few years. She's never even kissed another woman before. I worry because, as a straight person, I don't know immediately if this is a risk for her, or if she needs to put the wedding on hold. She loves this man dearly and I can see that clear as day, but he's in the military and gone for months at a time till he finishes in about a year and a half. I worry because one of my friends, who is also bisexual, told me that she's very likely to either feel depression and regret over never having explored this part of her sexuality, or she's going to eventually leave him. This is complicated by another fact. The mother of the husband-to-be is lesbian and divorced his father after coming to terms with that. I fear how he may feel if this occurs in the future. After coming out to me, she came out to her fiance and he was very accepting and originally was open to her exploring a bit, but then felt self-conscious and asked if she didn't. She agreed not to. However, he is very supportive of her sexuality in terms of her being open about it. Both of them have also talked about potentially doing a threesome, but she feels anxiety over him being involved with the woman as it wouldn't be the same experience and she feels worried about the effects it may have on the relationship. This friend is very dear to me, as is her fiance, and I want them both to be happy. I want to talk to my friend more about this, but want to know more about the potential risks and benefits, if any, that should be discussed. She's not the type to cheat, but I could definitely see why someone might become depressed over never exploring a part of who they are. I just want to know the best way to approach her about this, to bring it up again, create an understanding that it doesn't necessarily mean the end of her relationship, but I've heard way too many stories of other married couples feeling strain because of lost chances to explore integral parts of themselves. Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you, Devin
There is a risk involved in this, but not necessarily one which you've mentioned. The risk is based on the strength of their relationship. If they're as close as you say, then it is likely that, while she may have sexual preference towards both sexes, her male partner will be loving and committed enough to satisfy her throughout their relationship. While it may not be to the same degree of seriousness, my close friend (who is bisexual) has been in a relationship for over 3 years now and has told me that he's never really felt drawn towards depression or cheating because of how much he loves his partner and how close they are. As you mentioned, consensual inclusive experimentation, such a threesomes, are a good way to quench the urge of exploring same-sex attractions and hopefully that could be a good last resort if her desires become an issue. Perhaps there are some bisexual members of the forum who could give you some life experience tips however I hope my 2 cents are of use. Give them my best.
If she is being open about it with her fiancé, and they are discussing it with an open mind, it would seem that, as a friend, the best thing would be to let them comtinue to discuss it and form their own opinions and make their own decisions. While,you clearly care for your friend, injecting yourself in the middle might pose the risk of alienating your friend. Be here to listen when she needs a shoulder to lean on, she will appreciate that for sure.
