I have thought long and hard about it and have realized something... I may be attracted to men, but that doesn't mean I am interested in being with them. I am not attracted to women, however, even if I was, I think Matty, as a person, is not interested in romantic relations at this point in his life. My one relationship is something I regret, as it has destroyed the prudish/single lifestyle I was known for...now it's inconsistent. In hindsight of this relationship, I feel gross (for lack of a better word), and find no desire to feel this awful feeling ever again. I don't want sexual things going on in my life at all times. If ever I should find someone, it's going to be my best male friend who I just can't live without having in my life. We'll be PARTNERS, not husbands/boyfriends, who share a mutual friendship and secondary sexual attraction that would only be concentrated on once in a blue moon (literally). We can travel, live apart for a month, and still be okay because we only need each other to be there in some way. It's like those friends that you have halfway across the country...they're still in your life depsite their distance. I want that simplistic love in my relationship one day. So I have decided to be single from now, 18 1/2 years of age, until the day (which is likely many years from now) when I have a friend who says to me, or I to him, "Would you like to live with me? I love you as a friend and companion, and to not have your support is unthinkable, and me not supporting you in life is unbearable. Experience this journey with me." I just had to share this with others. I know many of you may feel differently about relationships, but my life is my own, and I see the best relationships are the ones that are not about becoming "one", but about being two parties together for whatever reason that ties you. So, yes, I am gay, but that as my orientation does not mean it's what I pursue at this time in my life.
I haaaate to write so little to such a well thought out post but frankly there isn't much to say. No reason to feel like you 'should' be in a relationship, no reason feel obliged to emotionally satisfy other people. Sexuality doesn't matter, not to anyone, it never did and never will, what matters is the person infront of you, if you don't feel that feelings of emotional attachment or whatnot are worth it/neccessary then obviously they're not the right person for you; end of story. Move on, work through and have fun. One day you might meet someone that you fall pathetically in love with, and all your resolve goes to nothing. Until then, don't waste time wondering where they are or questioning yourself.
