So today I was in my dorm(Boarding school not college) with two of my friends and one of them starts saying how he has actually messed around with these girls when he said he didn't a couple weeks ago. It really was no big deal but I said under my breathe along the lines of "you wouldn't believe who I have messed with". Then it was a shit show from their since they heard me and started interrogating me. I am a single pretty good looking guy who has way to many chances with women to not raise suspicion when I end up turning them all of down because they are "not my type" or "I'm not attracted to them". And to make everything worse one of my friends(who was one of the two) older brother is one of the people I have hooked up with!!! I am not ready to come out and do not want to out anyone else because it is the shittiest feeling! Luckily the other guy I already know is accepting of gay people and would actually not care and is a really great friend which I am glad about. It now has spread and other people are wondering who I have hooked up with since I never show true interest in girls and I know that it probably won't be long before I have to tell people I am gay and I am pretty terrified. I will have multiple people come up and ask who it is tomorrow and I am not sure how to handle it. I will probably end up telling my one accepting friend and go from there. :bang: I am not sure how this will overall affect me but I am pretty scared I will lose friends or be looked at differently which is something I have really never had to worry about. I would love to change peoples views and I know I could really be a great equality spokesperson and really help stop all the bigotry that goes on but it is a very scary step. I also have a roommate who is a really good friend who has said multiple times that he is so glad I'm not gay and would hate having a gay roommate. I would really appreciate some advice!!
Hi, and welcome. Unfortunately, high school is incredibly gossipy, and who is sleeping with whom is one of the most valuable pieces of gossip anyone can possess. So I can understand why you're feeling scared and upset; it's a feeling of being very out of control, and not really having much say in how things unfold. One of the best things I can say is that the majority of high school kids are remarkably accepting of gay people these days. Those who aren't are either ignorant, have never met anyone they know was gay, or... are closeted and fearful themselves. So if/when people do find out, my guess is most won't care at all. That's certainly the response we've seen overwhelmingly for people who have described their experiences on EC. I would caution you about telling your friend(s). Unless this is someone you absolutely, without question, know will not repeat this to *anyone*, you have to assume that your friend is going to tell at least one other person. And as soon as he does... almost without fail, the information starts spreading, simply because it is such high-value gossip. Of course, the upside to that can be that the whole process can be over with in a few days. But you have to be at least somewhat ready for that. The hardest part right now is just realizing that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, or with being gay. I know on a conscious level you realize that... but it's not there on the unconscious, or you wouldn't care what others think. So one solution is to basically just own it 100%. If someone comes up to you and asks (or says), even in a derogatory way... if you just say "Yes, that's true. Do you have a problem with it." Owning it generally makes people shut up, as they really don't have anything to say if you don't give them any response. Please keep us in the loop. This isn't fun, but it really, in the overwhelming majority of cases, becomes a non-issue pretty quickly.
I went to a pretty homophobic boarding school and everyone was always accusing everyone else of being gay lol. Ok on with the serious stuff, I would just say oh some girl at home she's hot. Or just pretend you didn't say anything. Boarding schools are more difficult because you can't escape at the end of the day. I would judge the situation carefully, is there an openly gay student there already? Could you speak to your houseparent etc?
obxx, I am so sorry that this is happing to you . I can only say that if and when you come out to your friends and they leave you then they were not you true friends after all . I do hope that you are able to come out when you are ready and not because you are forced to . I wish you the best of luck my friend .
I had rumors about my sexuality in high school. I was hooking up with both guys and girls. This was 30 years ago, well before today's more open society. It was gossip, and I left it as just that. In fact, I thought it was kinda cool in that it was a it rebellious. It did make me nervous as well. I never did have to address it directly with anyone.
If you lose friends over it - then to be honest they were never truly friends and you would be better rid of them now than pro-longing the inevitable. It may feel shitty at the minute but it may just be the thing for you to start being honest and open about things.
Hello, welcome! Just be yourself and try to come out to the accepting friend, go from there's they sound like they will help!
