Posts like these have probably shown up in the past but mine may be different. Anyways, I consider myself bisexual, though I'd rather be one or the other. I'm in a relationship (it's been one month as of yesterday) with this amazing guy and I like him a lot--most of the time. Sometimes I just feel like I only will myself to like him because he makes me happy then but other times I really wish I wasn't in this relationship. I'm not sure if I really like him. I'm not out, and I never intend to be really out. A few people know, a lot suspect. The issue right now is that I go to a school that is heavily populated by international students from 33 different countries, most conservative and I am involved in a lot on campus with everything. My best friend is from Pakistan and he has expressed his views on gays and I don't want to tell him I am bi but I feel like I am just living a lie. Back on the relationship thing, I really want to like this guy. I really wish I was completely head over heels for him but, honestly, I really can't seem to really like him. Does it make sense to want to like someone you don't seem to like? I want to figure this out before I carry this relationship on longer because I really do not want to hurt him ever, and I know either way he is going to be hurt bad. This is a lot of rambling on but i hope someone can help me with any of these issues. thanks.
Do you have a problem with being gay? I mean really, if there 'anything' in your mind that would make you hesitate? Fear of society/family, the stereotypes, ethical, religious etc etc
The only problem that I have with being gay is that deep inside I don't know if it really is who I am. I can remove the family/relations barrier, the stereotype barrier, and the religion barrier and still I feel like part of me isn't being true when I really think about it. Yes, I have been very happy this past month and more willing to share with people about this but then I reflect and think it's just some sort of sick prank I'm pulling on people.
I can see only 2 answers. 1. Perhaps you're not gay/bi OR just ultimately not attracted to this specific guy. Attraction isn't something you can control, and believe me I know just how much that can suck. 2. Your first relationship is probably one of the biggest milestones in coming out. The longer it goes on for, the more people that know the more 'real' it becomes, and the harder it is to turn back. Perhaps you're not ready to be in a relationship with 'anyone'. Logically, it's impossible to be comfortable with someone else if you're not comfortable with yourself. I suggest you end things with this guy ASAP unless you think you can sort things out within yourself quickly. You were right before, the longer you keep up a fake relationship, the more it hurts in the end.
Either you're not ready for a relationship with a guy, or this guy just isn't doing it for you. Whichever it is, there's no use keeping him tied to you. Set him free so he can find someone who CAN love him. Lex
