Is it possible or likely that as I've always considered myself bisexual, but now thinking maybe homosexual, could I so strongly want to PDA and shag a confident gay man because I believe it will help me feel or actually be more complete, more genuinely gay? In other words... :sleep: Might I feel more complete or confident once I finally, both confess my homosexuality to and shag the same guy? Instead of having a great time with a few guys in my life and separating myself from it emotionally somehow. I realize there is no initiation but I feel like this act might be an important step, kind of a standing on the olympic podium saying "fuck yah I'm gay, you hunky SOB!" :smilewave instead of "Yah, I'm probably gay...bye." :icon_redf Call it a coming out in the bed room, to other gay people and to strangers before I tackle the peanut gallery with my family and coworkers. :tantrum: :eusa_doh: Please share your experiences on this recent brainstorm of mine. I neglected to discuss this more intimate matter with the two guys I boinked years back! :eusa_doh: I believe your input will help me find this :eusa_danc instead of this :icon_redf :icon_sad: Thanks! (&&&)
If you feel that it will be an important step or transition for you then why not do it and see what happens? The first person I ever actually came out to was a guy I'd just had sex with, and after that I just accepted it 100% and moved on with being a gay man. But I never really went through any major questioning period or shame or anything beforehand, so I'm not sure my experiences is completely applicable. I don't see any real downside to you doing what you propose, as long as you are OK with the possibility that it won't be as transformative as you currently think it might be. Thinking about it, I would suggest that it might be less how you come out than that you come out to yourself and accept and love yourself as a gay man. The confidence and completeness sort of grow out of that, I think. My 2c worth, Todd
"2c worth?" You just gave me $150 and hour for 3 months straight worth of information! I feel like it would at least calm me to finally combine the two. I guess I would view this as a genuine act of submission to myself and finally relax about that part of me at least. I only view it as a possible act to calm me, not necessarily transform me entirely. A baby step if you will. Your experience is applicable as I wanted to hear from a voice of experience. You in fact did what I was thinking I should do. Although you are gay not bi its good to know that someone, whether they thought about it is as obsessively as I do or not, in fact admitted both verbally and physically that he is gay, finally on that first combined occasion. I greatly appreciate that you shared this with me! Thanks!! ""... accept and love yourself as a gay man. The confidence and completeness sort of grow out of that, I think."" That is a very interesting thought! ***I realize this was more of a pre coming out question but I posted under the "coming out" category as I figured it would solicit responses from experienced people... i.e. those who have experienced this personally, at least thought about it or have spoken with friends about it. I find on forums peoples input is far more helpful than they imagine! Like I always say... information leads to understanding!
I don't have much to offer you since I'm just now trying to come out as gay by dating and seeing what happens there. But I would say, I have no interest in just throwing myself at some hunky guy to affirm my 99.999% certainty that I am gay. I think proving that you can enjoy sex with a guy (after presumably you've already enjoyed sex with women?) does nothing in the way of proving you're gay. It proves specifically that you are bi. But if you connect emotionally in a relationship with a man on a different level than you can imagine with a woman, then I think you've learned something of yourself. And that does bring me to my question. I have half-heartedly convinced myself that I must not be gay but am bi because women are "not bad". I know deep down I'm gay, but have never had the urge to try sex with a woman. So my question to you is, have you ever enjoyed sex with women?
""I have no interest in just throwing myself at some hunky guy to affirm my 99.999% certainty that I am gay."" I agree, me neither. I cant see myself doing that! ""I think proving that you can enjoy sex with a guy..."" I dont need anymore proof than having shagged 2 guys and enjoyed the hell out of it! I have been both emotionally and physically intimate with numerous women. I enjoyed the sex immensely but I was in love after all so that only seems appropriate. I have of course been both emotionally intimate and physically intimate with men, just not the same man at the same time. My physical attraction to guys has always been more intense, more interesting or logical to me. It cant be said at this time though, that I am not both physically and emotionally attracted to some men and some woman, as I in fact am. To me this all sounds like bi-sexually with a "preference" for homosexuality. To me that is more confusing than being confidently one or the other. I realize we all come to this on a unique path so I'm O.K. with traveling my path. As there are other hikers on the trail with different experiences I appreciate the sharing their thoughts! I thank you sincerely! (&&&)
"My physical attraction to guys has always been more intense, more interesting or logical to me." But if that's the case, why have sex with women at all? Shouldn't the more intense feeling win? (Sorry for playing Devil's Advocate, but I'm trying to delve deeper into my own thoughts as well)
