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island of loneliness

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by n8i2c7k, Oct 13, 2008.

  1. n8i2c7k

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    Help me please. i really dont know what to do. i've been thinking about coming out but honestly i cant find anyone who i'd feel comfortable with telling.

    My family is off limits. my parents i know would react very negatively about this. they have this whole thing in their mind were they have a "path" for me to follow an any step out of line is unacceptable. i dont think my sisters will take the news very well. at best things will be awkward and weird. probably my entire family will shun me and not talk to me for the rest of my life. i cant see any of them being very supportive about this

    I also dont have any freinds i feel comfortable with telling. for all of them, it will be awkward if they dont end up shunning me all together. i know for a fact that some of them are extreemely homophobic and i know i will lose a lot of freinds if i do come out. the rest will hardly support me.

    So if i cant tell my parents and i cant tell my freinds...what the hell am i supposed to do. am i just supposed to keep it a secret forever? and its not like i can up and leave. i live on an island and the only way off is to go away for college. but i dont want to. i work with kids. i've been doing it for a long time and i dont want to stop. i love working with the kids and they love working with me. i've become sort of a role model for them. i cant just desert them can i?

    I really dont know what to do. i guess i could keep being gay a secret but i dont know for how long before i crack. i already feel that i want to tell someone. i dont want this to keep building. but what the hell am i supposed to do.:icon_sad:
     
  2. Louise

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    The only thing I can think of right now is that you look for a Pflag chapter on Hawaii, there you will be able to meet people going through the same problems as yourself and make yourself some new, more open minded friends.

    You can't keep this a secret all your life but you don't have to rush into coming out either. Take one step at a time, find some other people to hang round with who will give you the support you need to make you feel less lonely.

    Statisticly between 4-10% of the population is gay so you can't be the only one where you live in your position.
     
  3. beckyg

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    If you ask alot of EC members who have already been through this I bet they would tell you that coming out was not nearly as bad as they had imagined in their minds. You may have some bad reactions but I can honestly say that I really doubt that all your family and friends are going to turn against you. Second, you say you love working with kids why not pursue a degree in Early Childhood? You can go to college and work with kids. You could even continue working with kids while you go to school. My daughter worked in the university daycare her first year of college. It can be done. :slight_smile:
     
  4. StandingUp

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    I agree with Louise. You need to do it at a pace that works for you. If you find someone you're comfortable with telling then you'll know. Don't worry about how people will react, friends especially. You probably will find out who your closest friends are and make new friends too
     
  5. n8i2c7k

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    idk. maybe i'm speaking too soon. maybe i'm just not giving my freinds enough credit. i've always been pessimistic about things. it just scares me to think that the people i love wont accept me.
    i guess things will get better once i've graduated and gotten more freedom and met new people. as of now i cant go anywere by myself without my parents snooping into every little thing and i dont think they'll be very keen to me going to a pflag meeting so thats a little out of the question. maybe later hopefully.
    any way thanks for the support. i think i really needed it :slight_smile:
     
  6. Mirko

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    Hi there! First of all, welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    I agree with what was said above. Remember that you need to feel ready and comfortable with the idea of coming out to others, whether they are your friends or family members. Maybe try not to worry about coming out to your parents, your sister or any other family member at this stage. I think what might help is if you start building up a support network which can consist of friends, councilors, LGBT groups,.... Having a strong support network in place will help you not only in feeling more comfortable with yourself but also it will give you the support and strength you need to come out to your parents and family. As Louise mentioned, take it one step at a time.

    The first coming out is always the hardest one as we don't know how our friends will react. But often friends can be very surprising in that once they learn that someone they know is a member of the GLBT community they change and friendships as a result grow stronger. Maybe to start with, pick the friend with whom you spent the most time with and know that you can trust. Yes it can happen that you will lose some friends but then again you have to ask yourself, if your friends can't accept you for who you are, how much of a friend are they in the first place?

    Are you still in highschool? If so, maybe try finding out if there is a GLBT group at your school that you could join. Talking to others who have gone through what you are experiencing can be very helpful.

    Alternatively, if you feel that it would be better to wait, by all means do so. Follow what ever you feel comfortable with. Know that EC is here for you as well. Hang out here for a while and perhaps try to get to know some of the members, and I am sure that you will feel better in time.

    Hope this helps a bit!
     
  7. foxkid777

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    Its ok =] i'll still be your friend and we live on the same island lol =] so your not alone, but please don't give up and im sure things will work out eventually