I am regretting telling people im gay big time..It's just from one hell to another, this one is horrible for everyone not just me, all i have done is cause my family great upset. Mum keeps crying about it :S Because i won't give her kids and stuff..which upsets me a lot more then her! but i feel like i deserve it, she doesn't. Her eyes just feel with disappointment everytime relationships/sex/gays comes into any convo, (which happens a lot) and i just feel like the world should swallow me there and then. Maybe i should of kept with the 'i just don't want a boyfriend' idea, i mean it's not like im gonna get with anyone, i have no way of meeting anyone thats gay! My confidence is non existant.. I can't even sit in the common room at school, i make out i have work to do, i feel bad because my friends are worried about me. But i can't hack the convo's, people were saying 'why would you be gay!?' today, and thats without anyone of that lot knowing! Think it would of been better left in my head, anyone got a spare time machine??? Anyway this has no real point but for me to rant.
Why do you feel like you deserve it? What have you done? You didn't choose to be gay. Your mom will get over this. She is simply grieving for this fantasy she's created in her head of what your life will be like. All you can do is give her a hug and tell her everything is going to be okay. Give her some educational materials to read. Tell her you love her and you told her this because you love her. She'll be fine with time.
Just feel like i should of had the willpower to ignore it and live a 'normal' life, all admitting it has done is destroy my life. All i've ever wanted is just to fit in,didn't work very well. It was destroying me to keep it a secret but atleast it wasn't destroying anyone else aswell. My brother and sister are embaresed of me :bang:
Keeping that inside of you would be like a cancer eating at your insides all the time. Its not a healthy way to live your life.
Yeah i guess so. Just need to get through living at home. Having a bad day me thinks. Thanks for listening to me rant =]
Oh you poor dear I know what it's like to have your mom cry because she knows/suspects/might think you're gay. I share your pain. Just remember that there will be people that accept you (for example, here!) and that understand your situation. I hope you feel better and don't forget to come here with any questions you have to ask or anything else you don't feel comfortable talking about to somebody else
I am really sorry to things are so hard for you right now. As Becky said, hang in there. In all likelihood your mom will get over this. It is all new to her right now, so it is understandable that there will be an adjustment period for her too. The PFLAG materials really are excellent, and you should give them to your mom. I was someone who tried to have the “willpower to ignore it” and so I tried to live a “normal life.” After decades fighting depression, I realized that I could not change who I am. There is simply no way to be someone you are not. There really isn’t any such thing as a “normal life.” We are all individuals, and no two of us are alike. We need to live our lives true to ourselves. You have only one life to live. You can choose to live it honestly and happily or you can choose to try to be someone you are not. If you choose the latter, I can tell you from personal experience you will be extremely unhappy. If others do not like who you are, that is their problem, not yours. It is a reflection on them, not you. There is nothing wrong with being gay. I realize this is a tough time for you. Please know that it will get better. Take it one day at a time. EC helped me get through my tough times, and we are here for you.
