I just came out to my parents in the hope it would ease my mind a bit but the opposite was true. It was not the relieve i was looking for. Instead i feel down, depressed and feeling anxiety throughout the day. I am feeling the only way to solve this is to come clean to other people as well but i dont think i m ready for that. The pressure is building inside and i dont know what to do now. I am scared of losing face and be ridiculed but on the other hand many people will assume i m gay as i dont have had long relationships with women. The question to you is, do i blow this coming out thing out of proportion? Does sharing in a short time with a lot of people resolve those anxiety feelings? Or is it because i am not really at terms with my being who i am? I hope someone can identify himself in my story... Thanks Jerry
I think the decision to come out is massive, whereas the actual coming out to others can be quite anticlimactic. It's a normal reaction for you to be emotionally down after releasing all the pressure you have been feeling. I would not be too concerned about that. As you tell more people, I do agree it tends to become more normalized.
I can understand your situation and I agree with USxUK. When it first clicked in place that I was a lesbian.. I was this close to just finding a speaker and shouting it out to the entire world.. It was a huge relief to find the missing piece of the puzzle.. and everything made sense. I started small.. told my bestie. And then a few other online friends whom I have never met in person.. but after that kinda kept it to myself. Then I moved to a new work place, worked with an amazing team.. and came out to them one by one.. and everyone accepted me ! Does it help to tell others? yes. very much so, like USxUK mentioned as well. Being scared is normal.. so, start small.. find someone who you know will support and accept you as you are.. and take it from there.. the more acceptance and support you receive, the easier it will get. You won't be as anxious or scared anymore. What will also help is to join a support group or meetup where people are in similar place as you are. It's great to find people who get you. Also, at EC, we are here to support you :goodluck:
Thanks so much, both of you. I know i have to do this but its so f... Hard and stressfull. I am worried it spreads like crazy...im worried i feel uncomfortable being around the people i ve already told...does this all make sense?
I've had countless people accuse me of being gay because I once went 5 years without a girlfriend and have never married. :eusa_doh: To me that's F-d up as most my married friends were more miserable than I was... that was partially why it didn't interest me to pursue marriage so intently. Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry that didn't go as you liked. Sincerely! (&&&) This is not a rhetorical question... how were you expecting/hoping they'd react? Had you played out a few likely scenarios in your head and ended up with an entirely different one?
I can relate... I was outed about 6 weeks ago by my mom who confronted me about rumours that where going around town of me dating a guy... Those rumours where true, I didn't want to lie to her so I confessed. She took it much better than I thought, but in stead of feeling relieved I just felt terrible about it all. Like you I thought that it might help if I outed myself to everyone because frankly, I couldn't deal with the thought of prolonging the torture of the coming out process, I just wanted to get it over with. My mom talked me out of it... And so I basically only talked to my sister about it and carried on as normal. The first week was hard for me, the second became better and I'm ok right now. There wasn't a sudden relief which I kinda expected or maybe hoped to have. In stead it was and still is a more gradual process in my case... As in I'm less concerned that someone might find out about me as the most important people in my life already know and are accepting. So hold in there, it will become better very soon!
Thanks for your story...that must have been a shock to hear your mom ask you that...maybe its all for the better now? I think thats must be it..i wanted to get it over with. I wanted to get rid of that miserable feeling i still felt after i told my parnents. I m glad i did not go through with telling others because i m not ready yet. I think that anxiety is slightly getting better..... How are you now, are you the way you were before? Do you feel the need to tell others or are you allright with the people who know now....? How did your sister take it? Hope you are alright
It was a shock, it literally felt like a trapdoor opened up beneith me, and I was falling with my stomach in my throught... not a pleasant experience at all. I think most of it was the feeling that I disappointed my parents, something I never wanted to do... That said I am glad it is over and done with. There's no more dreaded secret that I constantly need to hide. The feeling that I needed to tell everyone went away... Thank goodness.... It's now more about me being me... I'm my old self but a little bit freer to be who I really am, I don't feel like I have to hide anything and if someone asks or suspects it's ok, it's not a secret anymore, they can know. If someone asks I'll tell them, I don't feel the need to tell everyone... After all straight people don't go around telling everyone they're straight, don't see why I need to tell everyone what my orientation is. My mom told my sister who phoned me to tell me that she, her husband and the kids love and support me 100%. They always suspected and kinda knew... I guess it's always been the big old open secret nobody dared to talk about. I'm doing fine... I'm giving my parents their space to come to terms with it all so I'm not about to bring my boyfriend to a family dinner anytime soon... But that will change in time the more they realise that I'm still me, maybe just a tad happier than I was before. I'm about to leave for a three week holiday to Thailand with my BF and they seem to be happy that I am so it's all good.
