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Bi or Lesbian? That is the question!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MyTruth2013, Dec 7, 2014.

  1. MyTruth2013

    Regular Member

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    I find myself so confused. I know I'm still attracted to the opposite sex, but cannot imagine myself with a man. I don't know if this is due to my mistrust of men... *sigh* Daddy issues... Or because of what actually gets my blood running hot? I have over the last year developed pretty intense feelings for another women. I don't really seeing it going anywhere long term, but this has me again questioning my labelling. I know! I know! I'm not supposed to get obsessed with labels but i can't help but wonder if I choose to come out as bi to ease into my own interal homophobi, or if I would still be open to pursuing a intimate relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I am not out at work and have been noticing that I tend to talk about my attraction or admiration of the opposite sex. Sometimes I feel like I am using it as a cover. I'm having trouble distingushing actual feelings for people or if I am strictly reacting because of a fear of being 'outed'.

    :bang:
     
  2. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    start with friendships. get to know people. and get to know them better, like deeper friendships. both men and women. as you develop deeper relationships with people, you can start getting a better sense of who you are really attracted to, instead of making it all a head game. as far as people at work, who cares? It's really none of their business, unless you've got some reason that you want it to be. which actually applies to everyone. If someone is really close, someone you share all your deep secrets, sure that is someone you might feel comfortable telling, and you can only tell what you know, which is that you're not sure. the same if you start dating someone. the tendency to talk about admiration of the opposite sex could be a lot of things, including a subconscious desire to fit in. good luck with this. I'm sure several people will offer their ideas as well. it's what we do here! (&&&)
     
  3. rainbowdesi

    Regular Member

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    Agreeing with Wildside. Start with friendships. I had kinda of a similar situation -- I was fluctuating between "asexual" and "lesbian". I did go through a phase of being unable to stand men at all.. but that's only because my patience ran thin after dealing with a few idiots. After a short time, I realized that it was only a few idiots that I actually do like men, in general. I get along well with them, and men make good friends.. but I couldn't picture going any further. I get along with women too.. but it took me a while to see what I was trying to not see -- that I like women.

    I don't feel the same way about men, as I feel about women. And, I can picture spending a lifetime with a woman. That tipped the scales for me.

    I had to get away from all the expectations and listen to my heart.. (sounds cliched, but it really works :slight_smile: ). Try talking to a close friend, make friends, and listen to your heart.
    Have patience and just be yourself :slight_smile:
     
  4. ABambi

    Regular Member

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    Take a look at your close friends and ask your self if you would be happy to spend your life with that person. Find out the reasons for yes and no and then do the same for some people you don't know. If sex is a large factor then it will help you identify quickly. If ur like me then personality is more important so it may just depend in the person. Good luck
     
  5. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    I come down heavily in favor on the side of personality as well. but sex is always a large factor. for example, a woman with the greatest personality in the world just don't work for me, because the sex is wrong. and even with me, there does have to be some sexual compatibility. but I would say that if it is JUST the sex, than eventually I would find that the bad personality would become the major focus.
     
  6. ANewDawn

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    I am also struggling to label myself tho I know I shouldn't feel like I have to. I still find guys attractive but I don't actually want to sleep with one. Is it weird that the only guy I can imagine myself being with is a gay guy? I'm a total virgin, so I wonder if I'm just scared to do it with a guy. But I'm also attracted to girls and would feel totally comfortable being with one. I can't tell if I'm bisexual or a lesbian.
     
  7. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    I'll try not to repeat what I already said, but maybe add something/amplify. Just wondering, have you done much dating? if not, maybe some low pressure dating, or even better going out places as friends, with guys, with women, and see if you find yourself feeling anything. for guys, checking out straight and gay porn can be a quick indicator, but I don't know if that works for women. I can look at females and there are no physical reactions, but looking at men, even just racy photos, not necessarily porn, and I can feel the blood flowing in certain parts.
     
    #7 Wildside, Dec 8, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2014