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Time to come out to parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by cr9814cr, Dec 9, 2014.

  1. cr9814cr

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    I've come out to a few of my friends and I have a boyfriend. I think it's time to tell my mom but I am so scared!!! What do I do? I know she already knows and I know she would be completely supportive but im still so anxious!
     
  2. SecretRainbow

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    Totally normal to be anxious even if you know they know and would be supportive! Just sit her down and take a deep breath. Tell her and then ask her if she has any questions for you. Don't sweat it, just tell her as if it's the easiest thing in the world to talk about. Have confidence! :grin:
     
  3. lb41974

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    I have to agree with SecretRainbow , try to take a deep breath and relax as much as you can . I know that it is hard to do but the more you relax the better . If you are not comfortable sitting her down pick a different place like maybe when you are watching tv or eating dinner even. The time and place is all up to you I say do not try to rush things it will happen once you are ready it will just click and you will be like now is the time. I am so happy for you that you were able to tell your friends and that you have a boyfriend that is awesome !!!! I wish you all the best of luck my new friend
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    Coming out to parents is never easy and it's normal to have fears and concerns before telling them. It's well over 15 years since I came out to my parents, but I clearly remember how difficult it was and how scared I felt. The important thing is to draw upon the support of your friends and boyfriend immediately before and after telling your Mom. Even if your Mom is very supportive, you will still need to share it with them.. and us too please.

    If you just can't find a way to say it face to face, please think about saying it in a letter. You wouldn't be the first to choose the written word. It's possible to send a very warm and personal letter, from the heart and if you need some inspiration, take a look at these:
    Empty Closets - Coming Out Letters

    Don't put too much pressure on yourself though. It's not a race to come out, even if you do feel ready. If you don't manage it immediately, don't go beating yourself up about it. We all know it's not easy.
     
  5. shinji

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    I understand why you would feel anxious, but i really don't see a reason for it. Just try and not think too much about how your mom will react, and more on the idea of actually telling her. Do not put more tension into the situation, by you yourself being nervous, as that will make your mom nervous as well and will put unnecessary strain on the conversation.

    Sorry for disagreeing with you Patrik, but i actually would advise against a letter. These things need to be done on a personal level, so as to be able to provide emotional support and possible answers. Telling someone, something like this (regardless if they already know) can confuse them and it is important to have a human contact at this point. To be able to talk about it, right there in the moment. A letter defeats the purpose and adds more anxiety due to the "unknown" factor. Whether the letter was read, how it was interpreted, etc... It's important to be there, and see the reaction of the person for yourself. At least that is what i think. Not having much experience in the area, i am open to the possibility of actually being wrong on this one, but i am basing my impressions on "breakup texts" which in essence are on the same principle.
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    That's okay Shinji, you don't have to be sorry about disagreeing - you are entitled to your opinion, but I will say that I stand by my advice. Coming out by letter is a tried and tested method for many LGBT people, who, like the original poster have fears and anxieties. It's not for everyone and I accept that, but it really does work and if the letter is considered and well worded it needn't be impersonal. I don't really accept the analogy with break up texts.

    Regardless, I hope the original poster finds a way that works for him and all goes well.
     
  7. DawnM

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    I was in a similar situation when I realzied I wanted to tell my mom that I'm bisexual. I knew she'd understand, but coming from a conservative background I was still nervous.

    In my situation I waited until we were home but still in the car, taking the second before we went inside so that I'd have a little more privacy in telling her. But you know your mom best. If you decide a letter would be best/most comfortable then consider when you'd like to give it to her. Before you leave for school, when she can read over it and have time to think, or after dinner when she can read it over and talk to you not long after?

    You may be nervous, but it's a matter of finding the highest level of comfort that you can with the situation.