1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Responsibility that's just hit me

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bookmarked, Oct 14, 2008.

  1. Bookmarked

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Derby, UK.
    This problem has nothing to do with my sexuality. Nothing at all. However, you folks on EC know what you're talking about when it comes to advice, so I thought I'd ask what you think.

    I'm a medical student. For the last three years of my life, virtually everything I've done has been to become a medical student. I've competed against hundreds of other students for my place here at university. And I'm thrilled. I'm loving university living (the unusual combination of independence and depedency). I'm loving the learning, the science and everything. I'm loving the people, what with the kooky hairstyles and cute guys. And friends, too. That's not my problem.

    We've had a whole long set of lectures and practicals on Emergency Medicine. That's CPR and Basic Life Support. That sort of thing. And I'm now terrified. Suddenly, I'm not just a medical student. I'm trained and expected to know what I'm doing. It sounds like paranoia, I know, but it has some basis in fact. In about three/four months, I could be in an A&E room being asked to do chest compressions. As little as my role might play, I'm going to be dealing with lives. And it's just hit me that my action, inaction and what I've learned and forgotten could well determine if someone lives or dies. I knew that this would happen. In fact, it's one of the reasons why I took medicine. But I didn't know it was happening so soon.

    I'm afraid, now. But I've got to keep up this aura of false confidence, because I'm the person that knows what they're doing. This Monday, my tutorial group put me in charge of teaching them about something or other. That's how it works, we teach each other what we've learned. But it was the confidence they put in me that shook me "You explain this Mark, you know all about X". I know what I should be doing now. I should be going to the excellent people at student support. And maybe I will, if my damned intellectual pride will let me. But I'm pretty sure that it'll end up with me going back to work tomorrow with a big grin on my face as I try and convince myself that I'm worth the attention that I'm getting from people.

    To sum up my problems. I want to be a doctor more than anything. Nothing will change that. But I've got a sudden fear that I'm not ready for the responsibility that's going to be put into my hands. Even now, people are putting trust in me, and I don't want to let them down. I'm simply not sure if I can live up to the faith people put into my skills and abilities. So then, what do you think?
     
  2. Pepsi

    Pepsi Guest

    Hm it sounds to me like your putting this pressure on yourself more then anyone else is. I think you need to step back and take a breath, You're still a student and I really don't think people are expecting you to save a life right now. Plus once you get to the point where your saving lives, if you make a mistake and someone dies that's okay, mistakes happen you can't let it get to you or it'll consume you.
     
  3. riddlerno1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2008
    Messages:
    660
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Hey, well its almost like your saying the things im thinking! Im actually in my final year of my doctorate in counselling psychology and hopefully by this time next year i would have qualified. But.....as of right now everyone thinks im supposed to know what i am doing!! Now i do to some extent as i have been seeing clients for 2 years now, but i still feel SO inexperienced in terms of dealing with ACTUAL people that i question whether im doing the right thing! But like you people keep putting their faith and hope in my abilities! Why do they do that!!

    One think i would like to say is that this is what you want to do and you wouldnt have got this far if you couldnt do it. To get to where you are is tough and i dont think people realise that. You can do this but the doubts that you are having are going to be there cos you are still at the beginning of your training. Plus no-one expects you to get it right all the time, you are still learning and making mistakes is ok!

    Mate, you've still got your whole career ahead of you. Those feeling of inexperience never go away but thats good cos it make you better at what you do. They do however become easier to deal with as you gain experience. :thumbsup: