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I went back into the closet

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Eden83, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. Eden83

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    I finally came out as a lesbian at 26. About 5 years ago. I received all kinds of negative reactions. People normally just gave me a weird look like they really didn't believe me. Or they would just flat out say,"no your not." My mom told me that it wasn't gods natural way of things. All of this happened because I don't " look" like a lesbian. I'm pretty and like to dress nice, go shopping, ect. I'm absolutely sick of the cliche. People think that you are only a lesbian if you have more manly tendencies and look more plain or like a man. So I went back into the closet. Everyone seemed ok to just think it was a phase and move on now that I was," back to normal." Fast forward five years and I'm engaged to a man that I've been with for five years. We have a 2/12 year old daughter together and just found out we have another one on the way. I feel so miserable. I love our family but hate having sex with him. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I've tried making myself not look at women and scolded myself over and over mentally. I've tried shutting it off and tried to get excited about him sexually as I do women, but it hasn't worked. I just need to get it out. I feel like just dying sometimes. Feeling like I don't fit anywhere. So alone with this affliction. Has anyone else experienced anything similar??
     
  2. piano71

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    If there's one thing I learned, it's that feelings of sexual attraction cannot be forced. There was a time I thought that if I stopped looking at and thinking about guys, that it would stop me from being gay. But I couldn't by sheer will power alone make myself attracted to women and straight.

    I can't speak to the experience of being married with kids, but in a mixed-orientation marriage. In the "GLBT Later in Life" forum there are more threads from those who have navigated this situation and came out of the closet.

    It's terrible that you got stuck with all those stereotypes (haven't they heard of lipstick lesbians?). And then that fundamentalist religious judgment - don't even get me started on that. These things didn't happen to you because you "don't look like a (stereotypical) lesbian." These things happened because you have encountered some ignorant and judgmental people.
     
  3. Eden83

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    Thankyou for your kind words! I was expecting someone to be like " you did it to yourself deal with it." :/ I will check the other forum thankyou:slight_smile: you just brightened my afternoon a bit :slight_smile:
     
  4. ChloeKiss

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    I know how you feel with the too pretty to be gay stereotype. I am sorry you had to deal with those comments from ignorant people. I have no idea how you have managed to be with a man for 5 years but kudos to you because I could never do that. I understand how hard it would be to have sex with someone you're not even attracted to. I only have one thing to say to you.. Break it off with him as soon as possible. I know how hard it would be considering the new baby coming along but you've got to start thinking of yourself and your own happiness.

    Probably not the ''best'' advice but I tried. Good luck! X
     
    #4 ChloeKiss, Dec 11, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2014
  5. crazyDepression

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    Ive been in the same situation but for me as a gay . Ive been told that my attitude , maturity and overall appeaeance doesnt resemble a gay and that really pisses me off . What i end up doing is that i stopped socializing with them. y'know stopped talking with them , going out with them and so on. As for your marriage , what i think you should do is to first tell him the truth , how you feel about him and such and slowly work it out with him and hopefully, it will all work out for you! (*hug*):kiss:
     
  6. PositivelyMe

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    Being femme can be a curse sometimes; I get the "you don't seem gay" thing a hell of a lot and it's the most annoying thing in the world.

    I would talk to him about it, if it's safe. Only you have an idea of how he will react. I personally don't think you should force yourself into a relationship where there's no sexual attraction, but maybe it will work for you. Maybe he's into the idea of an open marriage.

    Whatever happens, good luck. I hope everything works out.